Our private moments were few and far between, and we did the only thing that ever came natural to us.
We sought refuge within each other.
Playing fucking house like we were still two kids, trying to be a family. Time would stop for us when we were together like this. It wasn’t about sex, it was deeper than that. It had always been deeper than that.
We kissed, losing ourselves in one another. As I caressed her back, she slid my dick gradually inside her.
“Fuck, baby,” I rasped, pulling her hips to go deeper. Feeling the unbreakable connection I’d always had with her.
Skyler rocked her hips back and forth into mine to the tune she’d just been humming. Moving my thumb to her swollen clit, I circled it to the same melody. Her head fell back effortlessly and she softly moaned as I gripped onto her hips. With the way the Chicago horizon was displayed right behind her, the way her hair hung to the side, her naked body, I swear she was the definition of fucking breathtaking. Our lovemaking was quick, but so damn impactful.
I felt all of her and she felt all of me.
We went to bed shortly after, crashing fucking hard against the mattress. Fucking exhaustion catching up with the both of us. Lulling us into a deep somber, intertwined in each other.
Even in my dreams I wished for her to be with me…
And I wasn’t talking about Skyler.
It wasn’t until the next morning, I got the call I was expecting, where I had to disappear from her once again…
To take care of the person I just couldn’t seem to leave behind.
Not even with Skyler by my side.
THIRTY-FOUR
SKYLER
Maddie.
A six-letter name.
Two syllables.
One bullet to my heart every time I saw the girl’s name in small cursive writing tatted over Noah’s heart.
Mocking me.
Maddie. Maddie. Maddie.
For the last eight months, he’d been with me on tour, the name constantly tormented my thoughts. I relentlessly racked my brain, sorting through the years of memories. Trying to remember every tattoo on his body, knowing for a fact that name wasn’t there before I left him.
Maddie. Maddie. Maddie.
Noah’s hand on her pregnant belly…
Was that girl’s name Maddie?
Noah smiling at her…
He smiled at me like that, right?
Noah flirting with her…
Did he love her more than me?
Noah making love to her…
Was he thinking of her when he was with me?
Kissing me…
Touching me…
Fucking me…
Maddie. Maddie. Maddie.
Every thrust…
Every groan…
Every I love you…
I frustratingly snarled from deep within my throat, waking Noah up beside me in bed.
“Mmm,” he groaned, his eyes fluttering open. Blinking away the sleep-induced haze, catching me for what was probably the hundredth time staring at the name of a woman who wasn’t me.
Maddie.
“Mornin’, Cutie.”
Ask him Skyler! Ask him whose name is over his heart!
I just couldn’t take it anymore, not my thoughts, or my questions, or my patience, so I blurted, “Whose name is that?”
If he was shocked by my question, he didn’t show it in the least. Which was something I wasn’t used to, this man who didn’t display any emotions or even share any information about his life.
This was not my Noah.
I didn’t know a damn thing about what he did during our time apart. Other than what I saw with my own two eyes when I went back for him. He didn’t tell me about his mom, or his brother who I assumed made it back from war safely, or his piece of shit father who I still hated for everything he put him through.
Nothing.
It was as if our roles had reversed and Noah was now the secretive one, and I was the one who shared my life with him. At least parts of it for now. Failing miserably at trying to get him to open up to me again. Making me understand why he’d spent so many years beyond aggravated with me. Anytime I asked about his family or anything personal, he blew me off like I used to with him. Usually reverting back to sex, and I was fully expecting him to do the same with the question I’d just asked him.
He reached for me. “Come here, baby.”
I pulled away. “No.”
I never rejected him, and based off the expression on his face, he didn’t fucking like it.
“Who is she?”
He didn’t waver in replying, “She’s nobody.”
“Bullshit! You wouldn’t have her name tattooed over your heart, if she was nobody.”
“Skyler, don’t fuckin’ try me.” He abruptly sat up in the bed, tearing the sheets off his naked body. Grabbing his gym shorts off the floor before throwing them on. He let out a heavy sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed, placing his elbows on his knees. Raking his hands through his unruly hair like he wanted to tear it out.
I scooted closer to him, laying soft kisses along his shoulders. Wanting him to feel my misery, my insecurities, my heart and soul. “Then tell me who she is. Please…”
“Why?”
“Why not? You used to tell me everything. Without me even asking, and now… now it’s like I’m not even… it’s like… you don’t even want to include me in your life… anymore.”
There, I said it. I finally fucking said it.
He turned his head to look at me with a familiar glare in his eyes. “How’s it fuckin’ feel, Cutie?”
“Oh my God.” I staggered back, holding onto my heart from yet another bullet he just shot at me, out of nowhere. “Is this why you came back to me? To teach me a lesson? Give me a taste of my own medicine? Is that all this is to you?”
“Do you honestly think that?”
“What the hell am I supposed to think when you say shit like that?!”
“Don’t. Fuckin’. Cuss.”
“That’s what you’re concerned about?!” I jumped off the bed before I got the last word out. Wrapping the sheet around me to leave him there, but he was up in my face before I could even take another step.
“You don’t fuckin’ walk away from me, Skyler. Not. Ever. Again.”
“Watch me.” I moved passed him, but he did what always came natural to him. He manhandled me, backing me into a wall.
“Un-fuckin’-believable. I spent years tryin’ to get you to tell me one goddamn thing ’bout your life. One! It’s been eight months. Eight fuckin’ months, and you’re losin’ your shit cuz I won’t share what’s none of your fuckin’ business. Jesus Christ, you can’t be this fuckin’ selfish.”
“Selfish?” I scoffed out. “Excuse me for wanting to be part of your life. I thought we were past this. Why won’t you let me in like you used to? It makes no sense unless it’s because of h—” I hesitated, unable to say it.
“Skyler.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll finish that fuckin’ sentence.”
“Fine! Is it because of the gi—”
The sound of his phone ringing on the nightstand, cut me off, and both of our eyes darted toward it as if it was a bomb about to explode. I expected him to go answer it and leave the room, the way he always did.
But he didn’t.
He stayed firmly rooted in front of me and as soon as it stopped ringing, I interrogated him, “Who is that?” Wanting to lay out all our cards on the table.
His eyes once again locked with mine, but he didn’t say one word. Not one fucking word.
“Who. Is. That?”
Silence.
“They call every few days at the same exact time, Noah. You think I’m stupid? Who is it, and what do they want?”
“None of your fuckin’ business, that’s who.”
It rang again.
Taunting me.
“Go answer it then,” I sneered. “Don??
?t want to keep them waiting. It’s obviously someone important. Someone who means something to you, or else why would you hide it from me? But what do I know, maybe I’m not the important one, considering you never even introduced me to your mom.”
Caught off guard, he jerked back. “My ma? What the fuck does she have to do wit’ this?”
“Everything! Why didn’t you ever introduce me to her?”
“Cuz she was always fuckin’ drunk, remember? Or did ya leave all your memories in Southport behind when you fuckin left? Cuz you’re hittin’ me wit’ some bullshit right now.”
“Was?”
“What?”
“You just said was? Does that mean she’s not always drunk anymore? Is she sober now? Why wouldn’t you tell me that?” I couldn’t get my questions out fast enough, months of holding back flew to the surface, continuing to fuck with my mind.
And exactly like clockwork, his phone rang again.
“Third time, Noah. How many rings is it going to take for the person on the other end to catch a fucking clue?!”
“For fucks sake! You’re givin’ me fuckin’ whiplash! Is it that time of the month or somethin’? Cuz you’re never this much of a pain in my ass!”
“Then just tell me who it is?!”
“Fuckin’ Santa Claus! There, you happy? Cat’s out of the bag. Two days ago, it was the fuckin’ Easter Bunny, and before that, it was the fuckin’ Tooth Fairy. Don’t believe me? Cuz no matter what I say to you right now, it won’t be good enough. Nothin’ ever is wit’ you.”
“Then just tell me the truth!”
Ring, ring, ring…
“Fuck this!” I ducked under his arms and hauled ass to his phone, ready to answer it myself and figure out the truth hidden behind his blatant lies.
As soon as I hit the accept button, Noah roughly ripped it out of my hands and chucked it across the room. It shattered against the wall, falling to the floor in broken pieces.
“Goddamn it!” he angrily roared, making my skin tingle and the hair on my arms stand straight up. “When are you gonna fuckin’ learn not to push every one of my goddamn buttons?!”
My eyes widened, and my heart started beating profusely, anticipating what he was about to say. Knowing I would barely survive it.
Causing me to step back as he stepped forward.
“You just keep goin’ and goin’ and goin’! Naggin’ the shit out of me! When I already told ya it’s none of your fuckin’ concern! So lay the fuck off me!”
This time he stepped forward and I stepped back.
“You lost my respect when you fuckin’ left me! I don’t owe you shit! Not to tell ya who I fuckin’ talk to! Not to share any part of me, but my fuckin’ cock! Cuz, sweetheart, that boat sailed away a long time ago wit’ all my fucks given on board!”
Another step forward, another step back.
“Just cuz everyone else gives you anythin’ you fuckin’ want at the drop of a dime, doesn’t mean I’m gonna answer to you or I ever will again!”
With his steps forward, my back hit the wall. Instinctively, my hands went on his chest. My left palm right over his heart which was beating as fast as mine.
Leaning in close to my lips, he spoke with conviction, “That’s on you, Skyler fuckin’ Bell... Cuz you left me. You broke us. And you never looked back.”
I stood taller, staring deep into his eyes. “Yes. I. Did. I went back for you!”
“Bullshit!”
“I saw you, Noah. I saw you with her!”
Instantly, his eyes glazed over with nothing but agony and anguish for what I wanted to know so badly. He didn’t try to hide it, or maybe he just couldn’t control his emotions when it came to her.
Like he couldn’t control them when it came to me.
“I heard you call her pretty girl. I heard you tell her the same line you once used on me, about getting dressed up for you in her white flowy dress.”
“That’s enough, Skyler,” he gritted out, hanging on by a very thin thread, exactly how I’d been for the last eight months.
Only inciting me to keep inching my way across it, hoping it wouldn’t snap.
“I heard her reply she just wanted to look nice for your momma. The same Mom you never introduced me to.”
As if we were both reliving that day all over again, his hands fisted at his sides.
“Shut ya goddamn mouth, Skyler. You don’t know shit ’bout shit.”
“I saw you flirting with a girl that looked just like me. She had my round face, my light eyes, even her lips were pouty like mine. Down to her petite body and her sassy little mouth. ‘But it ain’t flirtin’ if you’ve already slept wit’ the girl, yeah?’”
Noah’s jaw clenched and his body tensed, locking up to the point I could feel his pain.
“I’ll tell you what else I don’t know.”
“Don’t fuckin’ say it.”
“I saw you touchin’—”
“I’m warnin’ you, Skyler… don’t you fuckin’ breathe a word ’bout it.”
Cocking my head to the side, I did exactly that. Breathing out, “Your baby through her pregnant belly.”
“Motherfucker!” His fist hit the wall beside my head so fast I never saw it coming, making me scream and immediately shudder.
He backed away slowly, his chest heaving, his nostrils flared with his murderous glare directed right at me. My second offense in what felt like a short amount of time.
“Congratu-fuckin’-lations, Cutie.” Placing his hand over the tattoo on his heart, he finally responded to my deepest fear and my seediest demon, “You just answered your own fuckin’ question.”
“Noah—”
With that, he turned around, grabbed some clothes off the floor, and walked out of the bedroom. It wasn’t until I heard the door to the suite slam shut, making me jump out of my skin, that I realized for the first time he left…
Me. Behind.
THIRTY-FIVE
SKYLER
As much as I dreaded the day ahead of me, I had obligations I needed to fulfill. Except, I couldn’t stop thinking about Noah’s last words to me.
“You just answered your own fuckin’ question.”
Which only meant the name over his heart was either the girl’s or their baby’s. And even though every fiber in my being already knew that answer, it still hurt more than anything he’s ever said to me.
Of all the insults.
All the belittling.
All the hate.
Those seven words were my means to an end.
“Sky!” Keith hollered, walking through the double doors of the suite.
“Keith, you know you can’t barge in here like that anymore. Noah would shit—”
“I saw your boy-toy hauling ass out of the building as I was stepping into the elevator. Is the honeymoon phase finally over?” he questioned, placing his briefcase on the coffee table before making his way over to the mini-bar.
“Don’t say that.”
“Get real, Sky. When are you going to open your eyes and see him for what he really is? He’s white fucking trash.” He walked back over to me, handing me a drink. “You’re too good for him, and I’m fully convinced he’s using you too.”
“For what? He hates going out in public with me because of the press. What could he possibly be using me for?”
“Your fame, traveling for free, oh… and can’t forget the most important reason.” He nodded below my waist. “What’s in between your legs.”
“That’s not true.”
“Oh really?” he stated, cocking his head to the side. “What do you guys do when you’re together, besides screw each other’s brains out? Please, Sky, enlighten me. I’d really love to know.”
“It’s not like that.”
“So then answer my question.”
I went to open my mouth, but quickly shut it. Downing the fiery amber liquid in the glass in one gulp instead.
If Keith would’ve asked me this question years ago, I would have had hundre
ds of responses for him.
Noah talks to me.
Noah confides in me.
Noah needs me.
If you took away the obscene amount of sex we were having, what was left?
Some light conservation.
A few laughs.
More fighting.
More arguments.
More secrets.
More. More. More.
“That’s what I thought,” Keith replied for me, reading my mind.
“I work all the time. I’m constantly doing something, I can’t even remember the last time I had an entire day off. We barely see each other as it is. Don’t act like you know anything about us, Keith. Because you don’t.”
“Alright, I’m game.” He opened his suit jacket and sat down on the couch, getting relaxed and comfortable. “Then tell me, what does he do all day while you’re out working your ass off to provide a life he’d never have a chance of living without you? Huh?”
I swallowed hard, his words tearing into my insecurities in a way they never had before.
“For someone who claims to be so in love… you don’t know shit about the man you’re sharing a bed with. Do you?”
“Keith—”
“It’s alright. This is why you have me.” Opening his briefcase in front of him, he threw a file on the coffee table between us.
“What’s that?”
“The truth on your biker trash boyfriend.”
“You had him investigated?” I exclaimed, with an expression of pure disgust.
“Of course. I always have your best interests at heart, Skyler, and don’t ever forget that.”
Before I went off on him, I abruptly walked away. Pissed as fuck he was invading Noah’s privacy, but I’d be lying if I said a huge part of me didn’t want to open that file.
“You wasted your time. I’m not looking at that.”
“Sky, I’m going to assume you knew his father was the President of an outlaw motorcycle club, but did you happen to know he was murdered about two years ago as well?”
I stopped dead in my tracks like I was suddenly glued to the ground.
“Ah. I didn’t think so. There’s a photo of a girl in his file who looks a hell of a lot like you, Sky. Did you know she was missing?”