I snapped around. “Missing?”
“That’s what the file says. Look for yourself. The truth can literally be in your hands.” When I didn’t move from the place I was standing, he added, “Or how about the fact he has money… a lot of money. Where do you think he acquired that?”
Fighting?
Killing?
But he never had bruises, cuts, or even blood on his clothes. Could he be involved with the missing girl?
“I can see your mind spinning.”
“Where’s the girl? Is she still missing?”
“I didn’t get that far.” He shrugged. “I asked for the bare minimum, but could you imagine what the press would find? Considering I barely did any digging and struck fucking gold. These are just some interesting details I’m sure slipped his mind to tell you, yeah?”
Oh, god…
Reporters.
Magazines.
Social media.
Everything I ever feared about his past could come to light.
Destroying him.
“In his own words,” Keith emphasized, now standing in front of me, “he loves you so fuckin’ much, but he doesn’t give a shit about ruining your reputation, your career, what you’ve worked so hard for… Jesus, Sky, what would your mom think? She’d be so disappointed in you.”
“There has to be some sort of mistake. Noah, wouldn’t—”
“The only mistake is you let him into your life to begin with. But, here’s your chance to make it right. All you have to do is leave him behind.”
I shuddered back. “What?”
“He has plenty of money to get where he needs to go. You never have to see him again. I’ll take care of it. He won’t even be able to look at you without getting his ass thrown in jail. And from the looks of that file—” he pointed to the scattered papers on top of a vanilla envelope “—it’s actually where he belongs. I guarantee you it won’t take long for him to end up there on his own. I should have had him locked up years ago, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. You’re going to leave me no choice but to take matters into my own hands to protect you. And don’t think I won’t, Skyler. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”
“You can’t do that.” I frantically shook my head. “You can’t do that to me, Keith.”
“So then what? You’re going to throw away your life for someone who hasn’t even told you about his? You’re smarter than that, Sky. Don’t let your infatuation with him blind your reasoning. I raised you better than that.”
“I’m sure there’s an explanation for everything. People make up lies all the time. Just because it’s on a document, doesn’t mean it’s the truth. You know that as much as I do.”
“Skyler—”
“No!”
His stare narrowed in on, giving me one hell of a stern look. “What did you just say to me?”
“I mean… I just… there’s… I know… but I… I love him, Keith. I fucking love him.”
The expression on his face quickly changed from rigged to concerned before pulling me into his arms to hug me. “I know, sweetheart. I know. But I love you too. More than anything, Sky. I’ve always considered you my daughter. My responsibility. I’d hate to see everything you so worked for be flushed down the toilet for a piece of trash from Southport, North Carolina.”
“I’m from Southport, North Carolina.”
He chuckled, “Yes, but you were always meant to shine, Skyler Bell, regardless of being born in a podunk town. He’s no good for you.” He pulled away, holding my face in between his hands. “You want to be thrown in jail by association? Who knows what he’d involve you in. Pretty girls like you don’t mesh well in prison, sweetheart. He’s dangerous. You want to end up like the last girl?”
I felt myself about to breakdown, so conflicted with what he was saying. My mind processing it, but my heart screaming for me not to believe a word of it. Shaking off the plaguing thoughts, I fell right back into his arms, I’d never been more grateful to have Keith there for me. He was my only family. He’d always been my only family.
So I simply repeated the truth, praying he’d understand. “Keith, I love him.”
He took a deep breath, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “Alright, we’ll talk about this again later, okay? In the meantime, how about you go get ready for the charity event at the hospital in a few hours. I will send your glam squad up here shortly with a selection of dresses you can choose from. It will do you some good to be reminded of how impactful and important your life is for others once you are there visiting some patients.”
I nodded, and he hugged me one last time. Before, grabbing the file and placing it back into his briefcase. “I’m going to make some calls, but I’m ready when you are.”
I nodded again, and for the rest of the day I moved around in a daze. Like I was on autopilot, my body moving on its own accord. Talking when I was supposed to, smiling for the cameras, nodding when it was expected of me. I was the epitome of Skyler Bell. From an outsider’s perception, I had the world at my fingertips, everything I ever wanted, my life was perfect in every single way.
No one knew the real me.
No. One.
Not even Noah.
Sometimes it felt as if I didn’t know her either. Everyone expected something from me, and somewhere along the years, the line of who I truly was got blurred. My persona took over.
I missed my mom.
My dad.
The life I thought I wanted turned out abandoning me instead. Leaving that lost little girl alone in the river, where she lost her whole world to more mistakes that could never be change.
No matter how many times she prayed.
I held a constant fake-as-fuck smile, trying to concentrate on the event, instead of wondering whether or not Noah would ever show up for me. He was supposed to be there by my side, pretending to be my bodyguard. Standing next to me, protecting me, loving me, eternally being my one and only. I waited for him, keeping my attention on the entrance as best as I could as I mingled with hospital executives and billionaires who were advocates for the cause. Forever contemplating the worst.
Maybe he wasn’t coming back? Maybe he ran? Maybe he truly did leave me behind?
A sadness washed over me as I waited to present the big cardboard check to the hospital, and for a brief second, I let myself forget who I was. My smile plummeted, along with my heart, my soul, every bone in my body. I stared at the entrance throughout the entire speech the mayor of wherever the fuck we were for the next few days, rambled on.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Skyler Bell.”
I turned my attention to the sound of my name echoing through the ballroom while applause erupted over the vast space. Walking on stage, I smiled at the lady thanking me, unsure of what I was even being thanked for. Handing over the check and posing for what felt like a thousand pictures, blinding me with flashes of light. It all felt so fake and phony, I felt like a fraud with real life feelings.
My emotions Noah was putting through the ringer, day after day.
Did he have something to do with the girl missing? Was she still gone? What about their baby? How the hell was his father murdered?
I practically bolted to the SUV once the charity event was over, trying to be courteous to my fans and quick at the same time. Noah not showing up, only added to all my plaguing insecurities, and I worried I’d be getting on the private plane alone in a few days to wherever the fuck I was going next.
“You look tired, Sky. Please get some rest when you get back to your suite,” Keith chimed in, pulling me away from the overwhelming devastation in my mind.
“I won’t be able to sleep without him.”
With a heavy sigh, he opened his briefcase as I continued aimlessly gazing at the trees flying by the tinted window. Thinking about how my mom loved trees, especially during the fall. All the colors they changed into, and the aroma they stirred in the air.
“Here.”
Glancing down, I looked at the pill bo
ttle in his hand.
“Take two, they’ll help you sleep.”
I nodded, not bothering to ask him what they were. I never did. It felt as if I blinked and I was walking toward the door to my suite with my arsenal of guards surrounding me.
“We’ll be out here if you need anything, Miss Bell.”
“Thanks, Tony.”
Anxiety set in as the double doors closed behind me, wondering if Noah was inside waiting for me. Half expecting him to be there with open arms and an apology, ready to tell me everything and anything to finally make things right between us.
“Noah! You here?”
Silence.
The suite was spotless, his suitcase was still in the bedroom, the scent of his body wash and cologne lingered in the air, but the only trace of him was the hole he left in my heart.
I made my way into the bathroom, changing into a nightie, making myself more comfortable. I stripped the makeup off my face and pulled the pins out of my hair, allowing it to fall over my shoulders. Remembering how Noah loved to stand behind me at bedtime and watch me transform into the girl he fell in love with.
For a second, I blankly stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to find that girl.
For him.
For me.
Was there an us?
With new thoughts of Noah, beating the hell out of my mind, I walked back into the living room and took three of those pills Keith gave me before snuggling into the sofa. My hand reached up, pulling the soft ivory blanket from the back of the couch over my chilled body, missing his warmth. Feeling like maybe I could just pass the fuck out. At least in my dreams I knew he’d be there, haunting me.
Only this time, it was another nightmare I hadn’t dreamt…
Since Noah found me in Vegas.
Freeing the darkness to seep to the forefront of my mind, stirring memories, not even my subconscious could ever run from.
Flying.
Screaming.
Lost.
Always, always lost…
THIRTY-SIX
SKYLER
The car shifted to the right and left again, and was going faster now. Throwing me around side to side as Momma sped down the open road. I looked out the window seeing the trees blur by. Closing my eyes for a second to feel the warm sun on my face, hoping my thoughts would go away. My brain battling the song playing in my ears.
“Emma, enough! Pull over. You can’t drive. We’re going to wreck. Pull over, now!”
“I can’t breathe, Daniel… I just can’t breathe.”
It was my fault. This was all my fault. I ruined my family, not just Mommy. I was the reason Daddy worked so much. I was the reason Mommy was sad. I needed to get better jobs and make more money. I had to work harder.
To be a shining star.
With Annie, I belted out, “So just hang on ‘til tomorrow and work through the pain!” Feeling better. Annie made me feel better. She was my happy place. She would forever be my happy place.
“Fuck! Emma, watch out!”
“Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya all of the days and nights of tomorrow!” I sang with all my heart, feeling like we were flying through the air. “You’re almost there! And only a… day… a…. way!”
I didn’t know what was happening, but for a second, I thought it was fun. The clouds were massive and bright white against a Smurf blue sky. It was so pretty, when all of a sudden, my body flew up off the floor. Slamming so hard into what I thought was the roof of Daddy’s SUV.
“Mommy!” I cried out, instantly feeling pain all over. From head to toe, inside and out.
My head was dizzy, my eyes were blurry, and I kept screaming, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Over, and over, and over again.
“Skyler! Baby! Hang on!” Daddy shouted from somewhere in car.
I couldn’t see. Why I couldn’t I see?
“Daddy, I can’t see! I can’t see you! Where are you?! Where’s Mommy? I’m scared! I’m scared! I’m scared! Someone come get me! I hurt all over!”
“Calm down, Skyler! I have to get your mom free! Just hang on, baby! Hang on for Daddy!”
I did the best I could, thinking about Annie in my head. Her song, her words, how they made me feel.
Happy.
Safe.
Loved.
But freezing cold water started touching my skin, creeping higher and higher up my body.
“Mommy!” I shouted as loud as I could, finally starting to see again. Making me scream even louder when I saw her panicked eyes staring back at me.
Daddy was yanking at her seatbelt, but it wouldn’t come lose. He couldn’t get it to come loose. Why couldn’t he get it to come loose?
“Mommy!”
“Skyler, baby! Hold on!” Daddy ordered in a tone I’d never heard before.
“Daddy, I’m cold! I’m so cold! Please come get me! I want to be with you and Mommy! I just want to be with you and Mommy!”
“Come here, baby! Come to me! Please just come to me!” he replied, finally looking over at me for a second before he went back to yanking at Mommy’s seatbelt.
The water was filling the car more and more, faster and faster. And I suddenly realized I was all the way in the very back seats of his SUV. How did I get all the way back here? What was going on?
“I can’t! I can’t do it! I just can’t do it, Daddy!”
“Yes, you can! You can do anything, Skyler! Anything! Be my brave girl! Come on!”
I warily nodded, wanting to be his brave girl. Carefully, I pushed my body over the seats, the water touching me more and more. Causing shivers all over my body that I felt in my bones. Splashing through the rising water, I passed my booster seat and toys that had flown along with me. Mommy’s purse spilled everywhere and I worried she’d blame me, since I was the last one in it.
Even my Mary Jane shoes filled with water, weighing me down. My clothes stuck to my skin, making it hard to wade through the seats to get to my daddy.
Until finally I was there.
“I did it, Daddy! I’m here now! I’m your brave girl!” I shouted over all the noises the car and the water were making. The crackling sounds, like a soda can being crush as the water filled the car. The sounds of the windows starting to crack.
It was almost hard to hear myself, even though I knew I was yelling really loud. Looking back and forth between them, Daddy kept trying as hard as he could to pull off Mommy’s seatbelt while she was just sitting there in shock.
As hard as my daddy tried, he couldn’t break her free, and I didn’t understand why. Just push the button. Just push the button. It was easy. I did it all by myself all the time.
“Mommy, what’s going on?! Someone tell me what’s happening? I’m scared! Please, I’m really scared!”
“Skyler…” her voice was filled with so much pain, it hurt my stomach so much just hearing it.
“Oh, God, please, please!” Daddy prayed for I don’t know what. Shaking so bad. Jerking Mommy’s seatbelt harder, his eyes filling up with tears.
I’d never seen my Daddy cry, not ever. He was so strong, like all the princes in my Disney books. It made everything that was happening much scarier because if he was crying, then this was bad.
It was very, very bad, and that scared me more than anything.
“Emma!” he shouted, but Mommy wouldn’t stop staring at me with those painful eyes. She’d never looked at me like that before.
Why was she looking at me like that?
It hurt my heart so much, I thought it was going to burst because of the pain.
“I’m sorry, Skyler baby, I’m so sorry. I should have never—”
“Emma!”
She finally looked over at Daddy as he pulled her seatbelt back. “Squeeze out! Now!”
“Daniel…”
“Mommy, squeeze out! You can do it! Just squeeze out! Please, Mommy, please!”
It was like she had already given up, and I didn’t understand why. She wasn’t even trying. Why wasn’t she trying?/> “Emma, do it now!”
She finally tried to do what Daddy said, holding onto the steering wheel, trying to lift herself free. But he couldn’t get the seatbelt back far enough for her to squeeze through.
It was too stuck.
She was too stuck.
“Mommy, no!”
“Son of a bitch!” he yelled, his body shaking as hard as mine.
The water was touching Mommy’s stomach now, only getting further and further up her chest.
“What’s happening? Mommy get out! Please just get out! I want to go home! I want to go home now!”
Her panicked expression changed to one that looked like something bad was about to happen. Worse than what was already happening. The windows cracked some more. The crackling sound became louder and louder causing me to scream.
“Take her! Daniel, take her out now!” she ordered, but Daddy just kept yanking the seatbelt harder and harder.
“Goddamn it! No! Don’t do this to me!” he yelled, pulling and pulling and pulling.
“Get her out, Daddy! Get Mommy out!” I grabbed onto the seatbelt with him, helping him. Pulling it back with all my strength. But it was no use, I couldn’t help him. Making me feel so much worse. I couldn’t help my Daddy for my Mommy.
I couldn’t do anything right.
Not work hard enough.
Not make enough money.
“Daniel, get her out!” she screeched so hard from deep within her chest, causing my body to jump and shudder.
A fear I’d never seen before took over Daddy’s face until he screamed out like he was in pain, once again yanking the seatbelt back until his face turned bright red and the veins in his neck were showing.
“Please! Please! Please!” she begged, looking at him with pleading eyes. So many tears were streaming down her face, I couldn’t even count them all if I tried.
“Mommy, please! I want to go home! I’m so cold! I want to go home! Please take me home! I just want to go home! I don’t want to be here anymore!”
Closer and closer, the water was up to Mommy’s chest now. And I was treading through more water.
“No!” Daddy roared like the beast from Beauty and the Beast. He wrapped his arms under her, trying to yank her out of the seat. “Please, God, don’t do this to me! Don’t you do this to me!” Holding onto her so tightly like he never wanted to let her go.