That might be the case, but if I found out that anyone was doing that, I’d make sure they stopped. Thinking over what she’d just said, I could see why she was relieved and smiling, though. Running my hand through my damp hair, I blew out a breath. “I hate the mentality of some people, it’s just fucked up.”
“I’ve got control now,” she blurted out, confusing me. “I took back control of what was being said about me behind my back by telling the truth. I took back the control that Larry still had over me by saying it, too.”
My head had fallen forward as she started to explain, leaving me staring at my feet, but at the last word I shut them tightly. Control, how could I not have realized? Jesus Christ. “Baby…” I croaked, my throat feeling like it was full of glass. “I’m finally in control of things in my life, and I didn’t freak out about Liv not being well because I’m in control of that, too. I feel more grounded and I’m happier than I’ve felt in years, Ellis.” I could understand that, but I just wished she hadn’t had to do it, and I was going to feel that way regardless of what she said. “Ellis,” she called, waiting until I lifted my head and looked at her. “Do you know what else I’m in control of?”
Walking back over to her, I leaned down to pick her up and sat down with her on my lap, holding her close to me. “What’s that, baby?”
“I’m in control of my happiness, and I’m relieved about that because I’m tired of looking at everything like I have to keep a distance between me and Liv from it. I’ve been judging things by their ability to hurt us, when I should have been looking at it as something that would make us both happy and bring something special into our lives,” she said softly, her hand coming up to hold my jaw. “You do that for both of us.”
Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me! I wasn’t a man prone to flowers, glitter, and soft romantic shit, but it would be a lie if I said that every ounce of oxygen hadn’t just been sucked out of the room hearing those words. That the relief I felt hearing them didn’t make me feel like I could take on the world – not that I’d want to, it would take me away from the Harrison girls, but still. I’d also be a huge understatement if I said that they made me feel the same way, those words just weren’t enough to describe how happy they made me feel.
And that’s why I struggled to put those feelings into words that I could give her back. “You know, I thought I was happy before I met you, but I realize I was just content. I was going through life just functioning like a normal human, and that’s what we should be looking for, right?” When she nodded her head, looking slightly confused, I carried on. “Wrong, we should look for things that make life have a meaning and a purpose, that make our days that little bit better, and that make really shitty situations survivable. That’s what you and Liv bring to my life.” She blinked rapidly as tears started to build up, and I moved my hand so that I was cupping the side of her face, my thumb ready to catch them. “I don’t want to make you cry, but I do want you to understand how much both of you mean to me. I’m happier because of you guys, I’m making plans all the time that involve you both, and fuck me when that little girl smiles at me I feel like I’ve climbed Everest with bare feet.”
Her lips started to tremble, and the first tear fell, my thumb failing to catch it. “She loves you.”
“I love her.” Yet another understatement. “I want to be the guy who takes her back and keeps her safe. I desperately want to see her hit all of her milestones and watch her grow into the amazing human being that I know she’s going to become.” I stopped for a second, carefully trying to word the next bit. “And I want to be the male role model in her life, baby” I whispered, watching as Jose’s eyes widened. “I’m not saying I want to be her father because that’s not up to me to decide, and we need to become an us first,” I said quickly, trying to explain it so that she understood what I meant, and didn’t think I was saying something I wasn’t. “But I’m not going to lie and say that it wouldn’t be the best day of my life, or that I wouldn’t be the proudest Dad picking her up from school, if that’s what happens.”