And this is what we call a wake-up call and a kick up the ass. Quit your sulking, quit feeling sorry for yourself, grow a set of lady balls, and get the fuck on with shit. Done!
I’d just settled into the couch with a cup of coffee to watch Liv playing with Law, when there was a knock at the door. On the outside I was the picture of a calm person, on the inside, however, I was chanting – I’m a new woman, I’m a new woman, I have balls of steel – on my chest, but still – and I would not be a wimp. They were great words, but I’m not sure they affected my state of mind and emotions in the way I’d intended for them to.
It was Dave who answered it and brought Burt into the living room. He was tall, about an inch or two shorter than Dave and Ellis, and had thick blonde hair. Nerves do funny things to people, because those were the first details I noticed about the man who’d helped make me and Tabby. It was like I was afraid to take in anything important and instead focused on how the top of his head came up to Dave’s nose.
“This is Tabby,” Dave held his hand out to his wife, bringing her into his side when she took it. “And this is Jose,” he winked at me, giving me what was meant to be a reassuring smile, but made him look like he was going to fart instead. Swear to God, that’s what it looked like, and under any other circumstances I might have laughed, but I was too busy praying that he would. We could all do with the laugh right now, because the tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a blunt knife.
Looking between the two of us, Burt walked forward to me first and held his hand out. A comforting hand on my back from Ellis gave me the boost I needed to step forward and take it, but most importantly to finally make eye contact with him. When I did, eyes that looked just like mine, Tabby’s, and Liv’s looked back at me. That wasn’t what shocked me, what did that was the fact he looked so much like my daughter.
“You’re beautiful,” he rasped, and then his eyes moved to the side of me and I turned to see Liv waving at him. “Jesus Christ.”
“This is Liv,” Ellis introduced and then held his hand out. “And I’m Ellis Beauregard, Jose’s man, and this little girl’s teddy bear.” Almost like it was rehearsed, she lay her head on his shoulder and patted his chest with her chubby little hand, giggling like he’d told the best joke. “Go say hello, fireball,” Dave nudged Tabby, and she took a hesitant step forward as Burt turned to face her.
“Hey!” she croaked, her lip trembling now and breaking the fragile hold I’d had on my own tears. She took another step forward and burst into rib cracking style tears, covering her face and sobbing into her hands. Burt and I closed the space between us all and both put our arms around her, which caused a bit of confusion at first, but ended up with us all hugging each other. He might be a stranger, but he had to be feeling the same overwhelming emotions that we were by all of this, so him helping us like this benefited him as much as it did us.
If I’d been in a situation like this before I met Tabby, I might not have been so willing to be held by someone related to me that I didn’t know. Since meeting her, and since having Liv and Ellis becoming her father figure, my eyes and mind had been opened. You don’t lose that wariness at all, but you approach things differently, like we all were now.
Our men stood back, watchful and protective, but knowing that it wasn’t a bad thing for us all to be huddled like this. That was until Tabby started sniffing that kind of snuffle where you know she needs Kleenex stat.
“Come on, baby, we’ll get you cleaned up,” Dave suggested, coming over and pulling her gently out of the group hug. “Ellis, can you get Burt a drink while we do this and help him get comfortable? We’ll only be a couple of minutes.”
“Sure, man,” he nodded, turning me around, too, and nudging me toward the guest bathroom. “You go do the same, baby, and I’ll get you a refill.”
Just as I rounded the corner to do what he’d suggested, I heard Liv squeal and Burt burst out laughing. “You, little lady, are absolutely beautiful.”
“She’s the world, as is her momma,” Ellis replied, and I stopped to take a deep breath, my eyes closing as I was hit by the emotions of what those words did to me, especially at this moment.