Unfortunately, the alcohol had also loosened my tongue – well, my writing hand – and I’d told them about my sex bucket list book. It was now hidden under my side of the mattress of Levi’s bed, where I’d put it while he was in the bathroom before we’d left, but we had napkins and a pen so I could just staple them into it.
“Say no to fisting,” Luna informed us, holding her fist in the air.
“I feel that goes without saying,” Dahlia answered for us all drily, but I was still staring at her fist and picturing the damage it could do.
Making gagging noises, Ariana glared over at her sister-in-law. “You need to find Jesus, Luna. That’s disgusting!”
“Seeing as how you’ve met her and interact with her regularly, I’m uncertain I need to remind you that I’ve had a child which means that I’ve given birth,” she replied coolly. “Unfortunately, that involves random medical professionals sticking their hands up your cooter to measure how dilated you are. It also involves a child’s head coming out of the aforementioned cooter, too. Hence my aversion to and recommendation that fisting be avoided.”
This time most of us at the table gagged, except mine was silent. Even as a nurse I couldn’t cope with that graphic analogy.
“Never having kids,” Ariana gasped, taking a mouthful of her drink.
Hiccupping delicately, Lily held up her hand. “I thought we were meant to be adding things to it, not banning things from it?”
“Maybe we should stop drinking altogether?” Ariana suggested looking slightly green. “It hasn’t escaped my attention that three of you here are involved with my brothers, and if I have to hear about y’all’s sex lives – or fisting,” she glared at Luna. “I’ll stab myself in the eye with the umbrella in your drink,” she nodded at my glass.
For some reason, Beau had insisted on adding a small metallic pink umbrella to my drinks, and although it was cute, it was inconvenient - well, unless you were Ariana and needed something to stab yourself in the eye with. There was no way to drink out of the glass without it going up your nose or in your eye, so for health and safety’s sake, I was making them into a little city beside me on the table.
“Speaking of stabbing yourself in the eye with an umbrella,” Luna whispered loudly. “What’s going on with you and Parker?”
“He’s an ass.”
Sighing, Dahlia leaned on the table. “He has a hot ass.” And Parker really did.
I worked with the guy so I’d seen him in scrubs on numerous occasions since we’d both started working in the same hospital, and he was the only guy I knew who could fill out the back of those things.
“That doesn’t answer the question,” Lily persisted. “What’s going on between you guys?”
“Nothing, because he’s an ass.”
Leaning in closely, Luna sniffed the air around Ariana, and sat back. “Y’all kissed. I can smell it on you.”
When she just blushed and started fiddling with the corner of her coaster, we knew she’d hit the nail on the head. “So why aren’t you together? He likes you, you obviously like him…”
“But remember how he had that chick who was sniffing his dirty gym stuff in those photos,” Beau said as she dropped off the next round of drinks, not hanging around for an answer as she walked back behind the bar.
“I hate it when she does that,” Lily muttered, picking up a bottle of water from somewhere. “She’s got radar ears.”
Downing her drink in one, Ariana set the glass back down on the table with a thud. “But she’s also got a good point. The chick always had her hair done nicely, she spent time on her makeup, she probably wore heels and sexy underwear, and I’m…” she gestured up and down her body.
I didn’t know what the full story was and before she could finish what she was saying, someone walked up beside her and for a second I swear I thought it was the chick we were talking about. The woman who’d joined us was wearing clothing which cost more than I made in six months, her hair looked like she paid thousands for it to be created by fairies every morning, and her makeup was immaculate. And that was just what I could see of her.
“Ari, hey,” she greeted, leaning in and kissing her cheek. “How’s your brother?”
In all fairness, the question had four possible answers but three of us stiffened when she asked it.
Flicking a glance at me, Ari cleared her throat and shrugged. “He’s never been better, Kari. How are you?”
“Good, good,” she replied distractedly, looking around the bar. “I’ve got to go. Tell Levi I’ll call him back soon.”
Well, I guess we had the answer to the question.
Not wanting to discuss it or cause any awkwardness to what had been one of the funniest nights I’d ever had in my life so far, I picked up the napkin I’d been writing things down on, and started waving it in the air.