**“Colt man get the fuck up”“What?” I try to sit up but I feel so weak and just lie back down“Dude you’re on the fuckin' lawn get the fuck up” Stryker leans down and pulls me up“Brother” I slur tears in my eyes“Come on Colt man get up” he helps me into the house to my bed, I'd been stayin' at Tiny and Stryker's since Razor threw me out and most nights Stryker’s had to carry me to bed “Fuck Colt this shit has to stop man, pull your shit together you gotta be ready for when she comes home man”“She ain't comin' back Stryker”“Colt she's ganna come back and your ganna have your shit ready, so you can prove to her that your fuckin' sorry and that you’re the guy she can depend on” I look at Stryker's blurry face and feel like crying again, fuck I swear I’ve grown a fuckin' vagina.****NiyaIt's been two months now and I've been so sick, I thought it was the motel, but Brandy doesn’t think so. We've spent a lot of time together and she even got me a job at the dinner she worked at a couple of blocks away at a vintage looking dinner, it was one of those railway cars that people loved, we dressed like women servers of the fifties it was very retro. Jim my new boss was amazing, well Big Jim as everyone called him and he reminded me of Razor so much. I work full time and took any shifts that need to be filled because when I got home after work, all I thought about was Colt and Star and then the tears would start again.Every morning I would think of them and every morning I would get sick thinking about them, it was a constant circle of hell. I was working so much that I've lost at least fifteen pounds my clothes were hanging off of me, I'd been so sick that Brandy really started to worry giving me the address of the free clinic in town. I finally gave in when I started to feel really dizzy at work and Jim sent me home and now, I'm sitting here waiting to see a doctor.“Miss Stevens” a nurse calls and I follow her to a room“The doctor will be in in a minute” she smiles, I smile back with the fakest smile I could put on trying to pretend I was fine and not crumbling inside. The door opens and a pretty Asian woman walks in“Hello I'm Dr Lee, how can I help you today”“I've been sick the past few weeks, I just can't seem to keep anything down”“Tell me what the symptoms are and we can work from there”“I've been really nauseous I can't keep anything down, I've lost loads of weight, I can't sleep, I'm emotional and I'm tired but that maybe because I haven't been sleeping”“How long has this been going on for”“A couple of months now”“Are you stressed about something” (yeah, the love of my life is an asshole and he cheated on me) but I don't say that I just shake my head“No”“It could be a number of things, but we'll get the obvious out of the way first do you think you could be pregnant”“No! I don't think so I mean... I'm on the pill and I take it religiously” (fuck I didn't even think of being pregnant)“Well let’s make sure before we go any further, I'd rather make sure you’re not and then we can go from there ok” she hands me a small cup “Toilets just out the door to the left” It takes me a while before I pee and when I get back in I hand it to the doctor “Ok let’s see” she takes the sample from me, I can't see what she's doing when she turns around and she's holding up a pink stick “Well it seems congratulations are in order, you are indeed pregnant” I think I might have had a mini stroke as I stare at the pink stick in her hand.“I can't be pregnant, I take my pill every morning... I can't be”“Honey you'd be surprised at how many women I see in a year that get pregnant on some type of contraception, there not always 100%”“Oh god” I start to hyperventilate and the doctor grabs a bag and snaps it open“Put your mouth on this and breath” I do, as instructed and breath into the bag“I'm guessing this is a surprise” I just nod at her “how long have you been sexually active”“Not long”“Do you use any other forms of contraception”“Just the pill”“Nothing else”“No”“Ok when was your last period”“Last November”“Have you been sick lately a cold anything like that”“I had tonsillitis a few months back”“Where you on any medication from that?”