It wasn’t just that he had lived in this environment for years. It was something deeper, something almost… peaceful.
“You’re thinking too hard.” Blake lifted only his eyes to her and smiled. His glasses slid down his nose, and he watched her over the rims. He straightened and leaned back in his chair. The leather creaked from his weight and the movement. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” He took the glasses off and rubbed his eyes.
“Nothing in particular.” Poppy set her book aside and wrapped the blanket tighter around her middle. “I was just thinking that you seem like you’re at peace. It’s nice, comforting in a way.” When he opened his eyes, she swore she could see the green and brown mixed together. The shadows wrapped around him like a cloak. The way he glanced away made her wonder if the peace had all been an illusion.
“Sometimes what you see isn’t always the truth, Poppy.”
“No? Why do you say that?”
He stood and cracked his back. Blake walked around the desk and sat on the couch across from her. The sound of the fire crackling pierced the sudden silence.
He watched the fire, and she watched him. Blake laid his head against the back of the couch and turned to look at her. “Did you know I used to be a troublemaker?” he asked then smiled.
“Oh? I thought I knew everything there was to know about the Ellis boys.”
Blake chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, I used to run my dad ragged. Course, I doubt you would remember any of it, and I sure as hell know my dad didn’t brag about all the shit I did. You and Jon were too little, and even if he realized what I did, he was too enamored with you to notice anything else.” A faraway look crossed his face, but he quickly hid it. “He used to follow me around. It drove Dad nuts.” He rubbed his eyes again. “I hated Jon following me around, used to piss and moan about it, but Dad always told me that he looked up to me, that I had to set a good example.”
Poppy wasn’t sure where Blake planned on going with this, but if it helped him, then she would be that ear he needed. Lord knew she had unloaded enough of her shit on him over the years.
“I hated all the rules my dad laid out, hated having my little brother follow me around.” He looked at her again, and his pain was so strong that she felt her throat clog shut with it. “I wanted to do whatever I pleased. Yeah, I was a cocky little shit back in the day. I guess my point is I wish I could go back to the days where Jon hung on my coattails.” Blake leaned forward and placed his forearms on his thighs. For a long time, he did nothing but let his head hang between his shoulders. “I see him, running around, that goofy-ass smile on his face, and I let myself feel happy again when I think of him.”
Poppy knew exactly what smile Blake talked about, and the happiness that thought brought.
“But even though those thoughts bring me a sense of comfort, the pain, dread, and regret follow.” He lifted his head and looked at her. “You can’t change the past, and you can’t control the future. You have to embrace your life, or the sorrows of the world you carry on your shoulders will drag you down to the pit of despair.”
Poppy forced herself to look away from Blake and the words he said. She hated that he spoke the truth, hated that he was so damn smart. “When did you become so smart?” She wasn’t really talking to him in particular, but he took her hand in his regardless, and she clasped it.
“It’s not about being smart, Poppy girl. It’s about knowing which battles you want to fight. Life is way too short.” He tightened his hand and smiled. “I know, without a doubt, that Jon wouldn’t want you to keep all this inside you. It’s eating you up, Poppy, and you need to let it go. You can’t do it for anyone else but yourself.” His big, warm hand landed right over her heart, and her breath stalled. “You have to accept death in order to understand life.”Chapter 7Blake felt the steady beat of Poppy’s heart right below his palm. Her eyes held unshed tears, and she blinked rapidly. He could tell she did so to keep them at bay. Her mouth opened and closed several times, but she didn’t say anything.
“What is it?” Over the years, he found out so much about her. Their conversations hadn’t always been about Jon’s death, but the majority of the time they were. Poppy didn’t know how to deal with what she felt and how not having Jon around changed her life. When she wasn’t telling him about the turmoil they felt, Poppy gave him little pieces of herself in her words.