Wrong For Me

As if sensing my thoughts on him, the weight of Alec’s stare hits me, and my skin prickles. I don’t glance his way, but I know he’s watching from across the lot.

I close my eyes as the sad but clear truth envelops me in both warmth and aversion.

He’d have pocketed every part of me without permission, maybe even without my knowledge.

When my eyes open, Rowan’s eyes pinch around the edges.

“Let me ask you something else.” He doesn’t wait for a response. “What about now, after everything that’s happened, what if I give you everything you used to want, before him? Would you take it?”

I open my mouth, but my eyes hit the grass.

Would I?

I love Rowan, but I don’t feel him inside me anymore.

But … could I?

In time, would the one boy who held my hand at the playground and pushed me on the swing, the one who pulled me close during scary movies and taught me how to drive a car before I was allowed, find his way back into my heart?

Everything would hurt a little less if he could. It’s a selfish thought but true nonetheless.

This time, when my eyes hit his, his features tighten with his muscles. He’s afraid for me to voice the answer he clearly sees. Maybe he even hoped for one answer while wanting the other. But I can read my friend just as he can read me, and I sense his reason like he understands mine. He, too, has something he desperately wants to push away. For me, it’s the pain of my new reality. For him, it’s a secret he’s yet to share.

I lay my hand over his heart, my chest constricting in refusal, and he inhales.

“Oakley …”

Large, heavy hands wrap around my waist right then, and I’m hauled up and pushed away.

“Alec!” Rowan shouts, jumping to his feet.

Alec’s foot hits the ground hard, and he whips around. I can imagine the look he gives Rowan, but I can’t see it with my back against his chest. It has Rowan’s jaw clenching. Just when Rowan’s eyes move to mine, Alec spins again, and he starts stomping across the grass.

And me, I’m silent, basically dead weight, because I can’t find it in me to push back right now.

He doesn’t stop until we hit the old boat shed a solid thirty feet from the water’s edge.

He slides open the old wooden door and blasts inside, dropping me to my feet the second we’re closed in.

He doesn’t say anything but slams a hand against an old oil can before gripping its edges, his head hanging between his shoulders.

I move around the front of him, and while his head doesn’t come up, his eyes do.

And then he’s on me until my back hits a rusted tool desk.

His stare shifts between mine, cold and callous, and I hold my breath, readying myself for the asshole to come out. But, just when his nostrils start to flare and his jaw begins to clench, his entire body sags against me. He drops his forehead to my shoulder, and I freeze, my hands stuck at my sides, his moving to wrap around my middle.

“Don’t do it, baby,” he whispers, desperation seeping from his jagged breath, and chills spread across my skin. “Don’t give him something he can’t keep.”

And then he’s gone, and so is the first hint of warmth I’ve felt in weeks.Chapter Twenty-ThreeOakleyWith a deep breath, I toss my phone to the floor, steel my spine, and open my door.

And I freeze where I stand.

Alec is sitting there, right across from my room, staring up at me.

His haggard stare trails me from my feet to my eyes. “Where are you goin’?”

I hustle down the hall, ignoring him, and he follows.

“Oakley.”

“Work.”

“I thought you might even though I don’t think you’re ready to go back yet.”

“How ’bout you? When will you be ready to go back to where you came from?”

“Not going anywhere.”

I shake my head, grabbing my keys, and he reaches over my shoulder, yanking them from my hand.

I spin to face him, and my breath locks in my throat.

His presence is commanding. Consuming.

I look away.

“I’ve been gone a month. I’ve already missed an entire module. I won’t miss another.”

Why am I explaining anything to him?

I briefly peek at him, and he nods.

“All right. You can ride with me.”

When my head drops back on a laugh, he steps closer, making it die on my lips.

“You will ride with me.”

I keep my face as blank as possible as I glance up into his green eyes. Dark and haunted and tortured.

Good.

“Have you really been sitting around here, thinking you were on some sort of leave like me, babysitting or whatever it is you call what you’re doing, with the assumption that you’d go back when I did?” My eyes shift between his, and he gives nothing away, making my incredulous smile grow as my eyes widen. “Wow. Okay, let me break this down for you in layman’s terms.” I stand tall, making sure my words are clear. “You’re fired. Stay the hell off Blackline grounds.”