Not Meant To Be Broken

And I love being licked by you, I thought but was too shy to say aloud. He brought one of his hands between my legs and gently rubbed a finger between my fold, then over my opening but he didn’t enter me. Zach glanced up at me. “We don’t have to do this,” he said quietly, and I realized I’d tensed up at the light pressure against my opening.

“I want to,” I said, trying to relax. Zach didn’t take his eyes off me, as he slid his fingertip into me. I was wet and it felt nice, especially when Zach started rubbing my clit again. I relaxed even further. He eased his finger into my core, pumping it in and out at a leisurely pace. As my pleasure started building again, he pulled out, then nudged my opening with two fingers. Kissing my thigh, he slid them in very slowly. My muscles contracted but I was so wet, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Zach hummed in satisfaction as he began pumping in and out. “You are so wet, honey. I love that I did that to you. I could spend all my life with my head between your legs.” I was too turned on to be embarrassed about his words.

“Zach,” I said. “I want you now.” Zach pulled his fingers out and shoved down his pants, his penis standing to attention. I’d touched his hardness more than once but now that he knelt between my legs, a tiny hint of nervousness overcame me. He pushed a condom down his length, and lowered himself to his forearms, his erection pressed against my thigh, and kissed my throat, then my cheek and temple before meeting my eyes. “You can say ‘no’, Amber. Any time. Always.” He kissed my lips. I shook my head. I wanted this. I’d wanted this for a while. He captured my mouth in another kiss, and I met his tongue with mine, but Zach made no move to push into me. He drew back a couple of inches. “Then tell me you want this. I need to hear you say it.” My heart swelled with love for him.

“I want this.” After a kiss, I added, “I want you.”

Zach shifted and brought a hand between us, guiding his erection until the head was pressed against my opening. Then he slid his arm back up and cupped my cheek in his palm, his eyes fixed on mine. I lay my palms flat against his back, feeling his muscles flex as he moved his hips and slid into me inch by inch. My eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of him inside me. “Is this okay? I’m almost all the way in,” Zach ground out in a strained murmur. “Tell me if I’m hurting you. If you need me to stop.”

“It’s okay.” It didn’t hurt. There was only the sensation of being full. I’d worried sleeping with Zach would bring back haunting memories, but this had nothing to with what had been done to me years ago. This was loving and gentle and perfect. The feeling of Zach’s body on top of me, the feeling of him in me, made me feel safe and cherished. Tears prickled my eyes and slid out. Zach tensed and started to pull out, but I held onto him. “No. Don’t.”

“You’re crying,” he said quietly.

I opened my eyes and smiled before kissing him. “Because I’m happy.”

Zach looked stunned, then relieved. “So you don’t want me to stop.”

I shook my head. “I want you to move.”

Zach pulled almost all the way out, then pushed back in, slowly picking up pace. Every stroke of his erection sent a shiver of pleasure through my body. I moaned against Zach’s lips and his own pants were coming faster. He reached under me and lifted my butt, changing the angle. I gasped at the sensation but I didn’t look away from Zach. I wanted to be with him physically and mentally. Our eyes were locked, and with every thrust I could feel a tiny piece of my past breaking away. They didn’t win. They’d wanted to break me, wanted to destroy me and my future but as I looked into Zach’s loving face I knew this was only the beginning of my life. The past no longer had a choke hold on me.

“Come for me, Amber,” he whispered. I was barreling closer and closer toward my peak with every thrust, and then I tumbled over. I cried out, my entire body tensing, my core muscles clenching. Zach moved even faster, low growls slipping from his lips. His muscles tensed under my fingers and with a shudder he let out a low moan as his own release gripped him. His movements slowed as he rained down kisses all over my face, then he stopped, eyes searching mine. He wiped a tear from my face and kissed the tip of my nose before he pulled out and threw the condom into the trash as he lied down beside me and wrapped his arms around me, pressing my head against his sweaty chest. “Are you okay?” Zach whispered when our breathing had slowed.

I nodded, then raised my head to kiss him. “Better than okay.” Then I put my cheek back down on his chest. “I love you, Zach.”

His fingers on my hair paused, then he brushed his lips against the top of my head. He didn’t say anything and eventually I was too sleepy to wait any longer, and drifted off.

***

We were woken the next morning by the ringing of Zach’s phone. He reached for it and answered the call with me still snuggled against his chest. From the way his voice hardened, I knew he was talking to his father.

“Tomorrow?” He paused. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see what I can do. Yeah. I’ll let you know asap.” He hung up and flung his phone back on his nightstand.

“Your father?”

“Yeah, he and my mother want to meet you. They invited us over for lunch tomorrow.”

“Oh,” I said, not able to hide my surprise. Zach had never mentioned that he’d talked to his parents about us and I had never asked. “Your parents know about me.”

Zach pulled back to give me a strange look. “Of course. It’s been more than two months. I told my parents about you.”

“And what do they think?”

Zach’s lips tightened. “My mother is happy, I guess. My father doesn’t believe in relationships.”

“He’s married.”

“Yeah, and that’s working out perfectly,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Sometimes I think marriage was invented to make people miserable.”

I stared. “My parents loved each other. They were happy. My dad still isn’t over my mom. Since she died seven years ago he’s never seen anyone else.”

“Must be lonely.”

“I suppose it is.”

“Would you be angry if he found someone else?”

I pondered that. “No, I want to see him happy. He’s gone through so much, first losing my mom to cancer and then what happened to me. Nobody deserves happiness more than him.”

After that we steered clear off the topic of marriage and love, even though I felt like it was something that we should discuss at some point. Not that I was even considering marriage at this point, far from it, but it was something I might want later in my life. Zach propped himself up and hovered over me, fingers untangling my hair. “How do you feel?”

I smiled. “Good.”

“Not sore?”

I shook my head. Zach kissed my throat. “How about a repeat performance?” His fingers slipped under the covers and began their work.

***

Later, skin covered with sweat, I was back in Zach’s arms. “So will you meet my parents tomorrow?”

“Of course,” I said, trying to catch my breath.

“Expect the worst.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“It won’t. My father loves to drive me up the walls. He’ll probably go on about law school and why I’m such a failure and all that.”

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“Why don’t you do something else then if you hate law so much?”

“I don’t hate law in general. I like human rights law. I’d love to do something that helps people and not multi-billion dollar companies.”

“Then do it.”

Zach shook his head. I didn’t press the matter and rested my cheek against his chest. “I got the job in the café around the corner.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I kind of forgot to mention it because of my plan to seduce you.”

Zach laughed. “So when do you have to start?”

“The day after tomorrow.”

“Before Christmas? That’s going to be tough.”

“I’m actually excited. I know it’s nothing special, but at least I’m doing something until I decide what to do about college.”

“That’s good. Take your time with your decision.”

The words I love you hovered on the tip of my tongue again, but this time I swallowed them. I didn’t want Zach to feel pressured into saying them back. He’d been patient with me, and I could be patient with him.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Amber

The house of Zach’s parents was outside of New York, but his father had an apartment in Manhattan where he spent most of the time away from his wife. As we pulled up in front of the villa, because you couldn’t really call it house, I was stunned. It had a vague resemblance to the white house and lay in a gated community. Everything about the lawn, flowers and house itself was immaculate. Zach’s parents probably had people who took care of everything for them.

The moment I met Zach’s father I knew he didn’t like me. He was polite, charming even, but there was a trace of condescension in every twist of his mouth and look he sent me. He was almost as tall as Zach but not as broad, though it was obvious that he took care of his body and probably went to the gym when time allowed it. His hair was still mostly dark-brown¸ except for a few streaks of grey. He was a good-looking man and I didn’t doubt that his appearance and his money made it easy for him to find women for his affairs.