He takes it and leads me out on the dance floor. His hands settle on my waist as I slide mine behind his neck. We’re quiet as we sway back and forth and listen to the song. It gives me faith that there is someone out there for me. I just hope that I have room in my heart for someone else. Only time will tell.Chapter 17CooperWhen Nixon told me that he was going to the girls’ apartment to wait on them to get home, I was all in to tag along. It’s something that I wouldn’t have thought twice about before last night. However, here I am sitting on their couch, staring blindly at the TV, wondering if she’s going to be mad that I’m here. Normally, we’d hang out and then go to bed. Her bed. I would sleep next to her, and all would be good. Nothing sexual, just friends. We’ve shared a bed countless times, but tonight, I feel as though she might not want me here.
It’s not just that. How am I supposed to lie next to her and not touch her? Not kiss her? I don’t know that I can, and that scares me.
“My girl,” Nixon says, smiling at his phone.
“What?” I ask.
He looks up as if he just remembered I’ve been sitting here with him. “Tess is on her way home.”
I nod. Glad they’re not going to be out late. Two women on their own is dangerous late at night. Then his words register with me. “Just Tess?”
He cringes. “Yeah, I guess she didn’t want to be the third wheel.”
“Third wheel?” I’m aware I’m repeating everything he says, but I can’t seem to form words otherwise.
“That’s all I know, man.” He gives me a sympathetic look.
Fuck. I run my fingers through my hair. Tessa wouldn’t feel like a third wheel if it were another female in their group. Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees, my head bowed as I calm the fuck down. I can’t have her; she’s my best friend. I need to be happy for her.
“Coop?”
I look up to find Nixon watching me. “You good?”
“No.” My voice is gritty.
He nods. “Just tell her that you love her, man. Why put yourself through all this?”
“She’s my best friend.”
“You’re a fucking idiot, Reeves.”
I don’t reply because he’s right. My fear of losing her is causing me to be miserable with the possibility that another man gets to kiss her, hold her close at night, and be the most important person in her life. “We fooled around last night,” I blurt. “Just kissing and… touching, but she wanted more, fuck me, I wanted more, but I stopped us.”
“What?” The disbelief is evident in his voice.
“I can’t lose her, Nix. She’s been by my side for every major moment in my life. Sex complicates things, and if it didn’t work out, and I lost her…” I shake my head. “I couldn’t deal with that.”
“So you let the girl you’ve been in love with for years just walk into the arms of another man?”
Pain slices through my heart. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand.” He pauses before speaking again. His voice is calm, but his words pack a punch. “What I do understand is that you’re letting the fear of losing her control you. What you don’t understand is that things are going to change, Cooper. You’re moving to who knows where, and she’s going to be here. You can’t expect her not to have a life. She’s going to move on, and things are going to change with the two of you. Regardless of whether or not you confess how you feel about her or not.”
“No. Distance won’t change the connection we have.” I say the words and will them to be the truth. Our truth.
“I know you have good intentions, but long-distance is hard. Even if it’s just friendships.”
“I don’t have any other choice. I can’t ask her to come with me. That’s not fair to her.”
“Not as your best friend, but as the woman in your life, the love of your life, there’s nothing wrong with that. Tessa is coming with me.”
“You’re engaged.”
“You could be too. There are these things called jewelry stores.”
“Fuck you.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “Look at you, man. You’re a fucking mess.”
He’s right, and I don’t want Reese or hell, even Tessa to see me like this. “I need to go.”
“What? Why?”
“I can’t be here. What if she brings him home? I can’t…. I’ve gotta go. If Tessa can’t bring you home tomorrow, call me.” I stand and stalk toward the door.
“Running away isn’t going to solve the problem, Coop.”
“No, but that’s the best I’ve got right now.” With a wave, I disappear out the front door. In my Jeep, my chest heaves as if I’ve just run a marathon. I don’t like that she’s with a man I don’t know. What if he hurts her? “Fuck!” I scream, slamming my hands down on the steering wheel. “You fucked up, Reeves. That’s what you get for touching your best friend,” I say to myself. Grabbing my phone, I send her a text.