“Have you looked in the mirror, Rory? King is a twisted bastard who is going to die, but he’s still a man. He knew that once I saw you, I wouldn’t be able to stay away. Not with the way you look and your spirit… your heart. There’s no way I could.”
“I’m scared, Noah,” she whispers again and I should walk away. I’ll only cause us both more pain, but instead, I walk to her—unable to stop myself.
“Why are you scared, Rory. If I can fix it, I will,” I pledge.
“King won’t rest until he takes away everything I love. Ryan, you, the baby… He won’t stop. That’s why,” she murmurs while staring down at her feet.
I pull her in close, even though it’s agony having her in my arms without her trust… without her love.
“Ryan’s here, Rory and I’ll always be here for you.”
“But our baby’s not. Our baby is just… gone.”
“I’m so sorry, Rory. I’m so fucking sorry I let you down. I let you and our child down. I don’t know how to fix it,” I tell her again, feeling worthless.
“You didn’t,” she says shaking her head back and forth, vehemently. “I knew what I was doing. I knew what it could cost. I couldn’t let him touch Ryan like that, Noah. I just couldn’t. I made my choice, even knowing what might happen… what probably would happen. I chose one child over another… What kind of mother does that make me?” she cries, her body trembling as all at once sobs break free and her legs go weak. I catch her before she falls and I pull her to my chair, sitting down with her in my lap. My own tears run freely, unchecked as I hold her tightly, letting us both get our sadness out into the open. “I chose one child over another. I’m the real reason our baby is gone, Noah. It’s all my fault,” she cries and I hold her and rock her, crying right along with her.
“If I had been there. If I had protected you…Oh God, Rory, if I had just protected you,” I tell her, guilt and misery colliding with each other as I share my biggest regret, the one thing that haunts me every fucking day.
“You couldn’t. I never once blamed you for that. I thought you were dead, but I knew if you could that you’d have been there. You would have been there even not believing that I was carrying your baby. You would have protected me because that’s who you are,” she says, still crying, although no longer sobbing. Now her tears are like mine, slow with misery making her body shudder, as we talk about things both of us would prefer to keep hidden.
“I would have protected you and our children because I love you, Rory. Even then, I loved you,” I tell her and I kiss her lips, the kiss salty from our tears, broken like our hearts, but full of the love I have for her.
“I love you too, Noah. I’ve always loved you. I always will,” she whispers when we break apart. I don’t know how it is possible that words you need to hear, can feel so good they hurt, but they do. They cut inside of me, leaving me raw and exposed. “None of this was your fault. I don’t blame you. I love you,” she says again.
“It’s not yours either, Rory. You were faced with an impossible choice and you did the only thing you could do.”
“And because of it, we lost our child,” she whispers.
“Would you go back and change the choice you made?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“No. God, Noah. I couldn’t let that monster get his hands on Ryan. I couldn’t let him break him and that’s exactly what he wanted.”
“And that’s why he must die. I have to go after him, Rory. I can’t let him hurt my family anymore. I have to do this to protect you and Ryan and maybe someday if you can trust me again, the children we will have in the future.”
“I do trust you. I told you that. But, I don’t want another baby. It almost killed me when I lost our child. I watched you die… or at least I thought I did. I can’t go through that again, Noah. I can’t suffer any more losses like that again, I can’t. I won’t survive. That’s why you have to call off this war. You can’t go storming in. You have to be prepared, Noah. You won’t get a second chance and King is methodical. He views everything like a chess match. You can’t storm in, not knowing what you’ll face.”
“I’ll make sure my men and I are prepared. I can do this, Rory. Fuck, I’ve been living for it, fighting my way back so I can finally avenge our child and make him pay for what he’s done to you and to Ryan. I can do this.”