But me? I’ve been running on stolen time for a long ass time.Chapter 53CHLOEHe leaves me with nothing.
I’m alone, washed up on shore, and terrified.
I can’t lose Ethan.
Not now.
Not ever.
This relationship works because we are all in it. If one piece of this puzzle decides to leave, it messes up the entire balance.
Back in Jamaica and Tahiti, there were a lot more laughs, smiles. A lot more romance. Now there is a hell of a lot of fear coursing through all our veins.
To the point that Ethan pushed away.
Left.
Left me.
I pull myself to a spot in the sand, and rest my elbows on my knees, crying into my arms.
When I finally get myself together, I stand and wipe my eyes, not wanting to see anyone, but knowing right now, I really could use a shoulder to cry on.
I head for the coffee shop a block away and try to keep it together as best as I can. Yes, my eyes are red and I am sorta shaking, but I feel so lost. I don’t know where to go from here.
I order an iced herbal tea and am waiting in line when Harlow shows up.
I guess one look at me tells her all she needs to know. I guess I look worse than I thought.
“Chloe? Sweetie, are you okay?”
I bite my bottom lip, trying to formulate a sentence that sums any of my life up, but instead I just cover my face with my hands. When I look back up I see Harlow’s eyes widen, then her lips purse and she turns toward the barista. “Can I get a cold brew to go?”
He must know her because he tells her it’s on the house. A second later we have our drinks and she is dragging me out the door.
“Sorry for ... crying ...” I try to wipe my tears away, but I can’t. I love Ethan so damn much. “And I cancelled on you once, you must think I am a mess.”
And he just walked away.
He didn’t fight for me.
He just turned and left.
“Oh, shush. Do not apologize for tears or for rescheduling. Ever.” She tugs on my wrist and drags me back to the beach where Ethan just broke my heart. She plops down on the sand and pulls me to sit next to he. “To be honest that entire day on the boat ended up being super annoying. There was this guy here who would not get the hint. Don’t you hate that?” She smiles at me as if trying to lighten the mood, but I can’t pretend.
I swallow. “Kinda. But I don’t really date.”
“Oh, do you have a boyfriend? Is he why you’re crying?”
“Sorta.” I try to think through what Ethan said as he walked away. Could he really mean what he said after everything we’ve been through?
“Did he just break your heart? Oh, my God, I’ll kill him. I know people, just give me his number.”
I smile despite myself. This woman’s good vibes were contagious. Still, tears stream my face. I love Ethan so much. How could he do this?
“It’s complicated.”
“Spill,” Harlow says she sets her iced coffee cup in the sand and looks at me headlong. She’s in for the long haul.
“Do you have an open mind?” I ask.
She purses her lips. “Depends. I don’t care what people do so long as they aren’t jackasses. You know?”
I swallow. But if I was willing to tell Noah’s parents–– whose opinions really mattered, I might as well be honest with the snorkeling instructor I just met. “I’m in love with four men. And they are in love with me.”
She cocks her head to the side. “I need more than that, honey.”
So, I fill her in, about being found in Jamaica, about our whirlwind romance and traveling to Tahiti. About Mason’s injury and how our relationship was tested through the hard times.
And I end with Ethan just breaking up with me on this beach.
“But why?”
“Why what?” I ask.
“Why did Ethan end things after all you’ve been through?”
I bite my bottom lip. Closing my eyes, I reach deep inside for my courage. “I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, fuck,” Harlow says, her eyes widening. “Wow, Chloe.”
“I know.”
“And he isn’t the father?”
Now it’s my turn to be confused. “I don’t know who the father is.”
“Then why did he leave?”
I pause, thinking about Ethan’s past, not wanting to reveal things about Ethan’s past that aren’t mine to share. “Ethan has experienced a lot of dark times in his life. And it’s made him ...”
“Scared?”
I press my hands to my temples. “Pretty much. He seems so sure that he’ll let me down. And he doesn’t want to disappoint me. But hedging his bets this way is worse. It’s like he doesn’t think we’re worth fighting for.”
As I say it, I realize just how pissed I am. Ethan left me when I needed him. That isn’t love. That is fear.