My bravery was fading fast, mostly because I couldn’t read Gideon’s expression for shit.
Was it too much? Fuck. I’d ambushed him and then overwhelmed him. Great start of something he had no reason to believe I could handle.
“I shoulda called before.” I rubbed my forefinger and thumb over my eyes and cursed myself.
“It’s almost ten thirty,” he mumbled. “Ten thirty…ten thirty.” His jaw ticked, and he screwed his eyes shut for a moment. “I need a pause button. I need to stay calm and proceed according to my plan.”
His… His plan.
I felt the color drain from my face, and it was as if someone had just kicked me in the stomach.
“Please be at the apartment tonight,” he told me. “I want to explain—”
“Gideon!”
No. No, fuck that noise. I looked over my shoulder and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. That had to be Claire.
She was coming out of a taxi, all blond hair and crystal-blue eyes and designer clothes.
As I faced Gideon again and felt nausea creeping up my throat, he took a small step closer, and the panic was clear in his eyes. They were pleading with me.
The sheer desperation made me toss my own pain out the window, and I said, “You don’t have to explain anything, but I’ll be there tonight.” There was no erasing the dullness from my voice, though.
The clicking of heels approached and wrapped up my minute. Time to take a hike.
He was gonna proceed with his plan.
He was choosing her.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, right before Claire reached us.
She eyed me curiously. “Hello.”
Fuck my life. I dropped my stare to the catalogues in her arms and saw at least one bridal magazine.
I grinned and shook my head. It was the only thing I could do if I didn’t wanna flip my shit right here on the sidewalk. But my heart fucking broke.
“Who’s this, Gideon?”
I pushed off the wall and took a step back. “You know who I am.” With that said, I gave Gideon a last glance before I trailed back toward the street where Anthony had dropped me off.
Then something stopped me.
Claire said Gideon’s name with enough worry in her voice that I had to look back, and when I saw that he was about to lose it, it wasn’t about me anymore whatsoever. I’d made a promise. More than that, I couldn’t look the other way—not even if I wanted to. So I hurried back to him and kidnapped the proverbial remote control.
“Come here. Let’s get you inside.” I handed over the leash to Claire and positioned myself in front of Gideon. “Listen to me.”
He managed to make eye contact, but I could sense it wouldn’t last long. His breaths were coming out quicker and quicker, and his features were contorted in pain.
“This is highly inappropriate,” Claire hissed under her breath.
I ignored her. This was my doing, and I was going to fix it.
“Just follow me, Gideon.” I kept a grip on his arms and started walking backward.
The doorman offered his assistance, and Claire said something to him. I couldn’t make out the words, and it didn’t matter.
“I’m not going anywhere, hon,” I said quietly, hopefully so only he heard it. “You’ve got your pause button, okay? Right now, we’re just gonna get you upstairs.”
He screwed his eyes shut halfway through the lobby, but he didn’t stop following me. Step by step, I got him closer to the elevator until we were inside it. Claire pushed the button for the top floor, and Chester butted his little head against Gideon’s leg.
“I can’t believe this,” Claire said.
I cupped Gideon’s cheek. “We’re almost there.”
“You have no right to be here,” Claire added irritably. “You two were supposed to see each other discreetly.”
“I’m not disagreeing with you, but your fit’s gonna have to wait,” I told her. “I’ll leave once he feels better.”
“I can take care of my own fiancé,” she snapped.
Someone give me strength.
Gideon clutched at my arms the second the elevator dinged, announcing our arrival on the top floor, and Claire took the lead. I wasn’t at all bitter and jealous about her having keys to his place. There were only two doors to choose from, and I remembered Gideon mentioning a Mrs. Nelson.
Claire opened the door, and I registered the bare minimum, wanting my focus on Gideon. And maybe there was a side of me that just didn’t wanna see his place now that it was tainted. She had ruined it.
Actually, I had ruined everything.
“Where’s his bedroom?” I asked, shrugging off my jacket and kicking off my shoes. They landed on the floor. Gideon’s jacket was next. He’d told me that the thing he disliked most about the studio apartment was that there was no hallway to hang your coat and put away your shoes. He didn’t like wearing those items indoors, so I assumed he didn’t want to walk farther in those shoes either. I helped him take them off.