I decided to tell him.
Gesturing to the chair across from my desk, I said, “Oak…sit your big ass down.”He just kept saying, “Holy shit, boss. Holy shit.”
Waving my index finger at him, I said, “If you ever tell a soul, Oak, there will be hell to pay.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. You know that. That’s why you told me. Because you know I won’t say anything.”
I’d spent the past fifteen minutes telling him the entire story and the truth about Elliott. I couldn’t believe that he was actually partly blaming himself.
“I remember the night Elliott was here,” he said. “The asshole was walking around like he owned the place. I should have found a way to kick him the fuck out before he got to Gia. Then none of this would have happened. I never saw him with her, though. Must have lost track of him by that time. He got lost in the crowd of preppy dicks.”
I couldn’t help but laugh a little at his comment. “I wish you had kicked the fucker out, too, but it’s not your fault. I hope you know that.”
Oak cracked his knuckles. “I want to kill him. Seriously. That’s how I feel right now. This situation is unbelievable.” He crossed his arms. “What are you gonna do?”
Shaking my head, I sighed. “I wish I knew.”
“I totally get it now…why you went away. It never made sense to me, how you could leave Gia while she was pregnant and just take off. Now it makes total sense. That must have been so hard for you, but I see why you had to do it.”
“Yeah…why I went off the deep end.” I rubbed my temples. “I wish there was a simple solution.”
He was staring at me like he was considering something important. “Well, there sort of is.”
Looking up at him, I said, “Oh yeah? Enlighten me.”
“Well, it all depends on how you look at the situation. Everything in life is perception, right? Over time you might learn to accept that baby as simply Gia’s, not Elliott’s. But really, it comes down to one simple question. And I’m telling you…if you can answer this, then you have your answer.”
“What’s that?”
“You have to figure out whether your love for Gia is stronger than your hate for your brother.”Well, wasn’t that a fucking question to ponder? Oak’s words were playing in my head, haunting me, long after our conversation ended.
I was the only one left at The Heights as I locked up that night. The cool night air hit my face as I rushed to my car and grabbed the emergency pack of cigarettes I’d stashed in my glove compartment.
I held the pack in my trembling hand for the longest time and just stared at it. It felt like I was ready to lose it, give in to my need to smoke. Finally, I just crushed the package in my palm and threw it on the floor of my car. I’d come too far to start smoking again, even though I felt like I could have killed for a cigarette.Returning to my house, I did something I hadn’t done since finding out the truth: I opened the door to the nursery I’d built for the baby.
Everything sat untouched: the rocking chair in the corner, the crib, the mobile. It was stocked and ready for an infant who might never see it.
I sat in the rocking chair as I leaned my head back against the pillow and decided to return Gia’s call from earlier.
She answered on the first ring. Her voice sounded a little groggy. “Hello?”
“Hey.”
“Hi. I didn’t think I would hear from you.”
“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. I just…wasn’t sure how to respond to your message.”
“That’s okay. You didn’t have to respond.”
“Did I wake you?”
“No. I was just sitting in bed thinking.”
My heart started to beat faster as I pulled on my hair. “You said I didn’t need to respond. But I do, Gia. Because you told me you loved me, and I never even fucking called you back. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Rush.”
My voice sounded pained. “I love you, too. I really do. You know that, right?”
“I know. Your actions have always proven that.”
“This is just so fucking hard,” I breathed out. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. And I’ve been through some serious shit. But nothing compares to this.”
“I know.” She paused. “Where are you right now?”
“I’m home. I’m in the baby’s room, actually. It’s the first time I’ve let myself look at it since...”
She exhaled into the phone. “Oh, Rush. It must be strange to be in there.”
“Nah…actually…it’s kind of calming in a weird way. The dim lights. The baby stuff. The moon décor. It’s just what I needed tonight, I think.”
After some silence, she asked, “How was The Heights?”