He looked over at the casket. “I know I wish I had.”***The dinner after the service was held at Anna’s uncle’s restaurant. While Hollis and I sat next to each other during the meal, we didn’t talk much. I was still reeling from the emotional toll of this day, especially after Hollis’s speech. I was relieved that people weren’t talking and laughing as you often see at get-togethers after funerals. The mood all around was somber, as it should have been.
“I’ll be coming back to work on Monday,” I finally said. “So you can let Addison know.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think returning to work will be good for me. I really miss Hailey.”
“She’ll love that.”
I didn’t want to hear Hollis tell me he wasn’t ready for me to resume sleeping over at his house, that he wasn’t ready to go back to the way things were. So I decided to beat him to the punch.
“Since I’m right next door, I’ve let Bree’s dad know I’ll handle cleaning out her house. I can go in each night and make some progress. They told me to take my time, that they’re in no rush, but it’s still a lot of work. So, I’ll be heading back to Connecticut in the evenings to handle that.”
“Of course. That has to be done.”
And that was that.
Hollis hadn’t given me much eye contact today. I wasn’t sure if that was because he thought seeing the pain in his eyes would upset me.
When he finally looked at me, I said, “I’m proud of you for getting up there and speaking today. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“I wasn’t expecting to.”
“I know that.”
“I don’t even remember what I said.”
“It came from your heart, unrehearsed and authentic. It was better than something planned.”
“After you got up and spoke, I realized it was the one chance I had to publicly acknowledge her. I would’ve been stupid not to take it. I just hope she heard it.”
“I believe she did,” I said.
I reached under the table for his hand. Thankfully, he didn’t resist. He brushed his thumb along mine. It felt bittersweet, since it was the first time we’d touched like this in so long.
I wondered whether Hollis and I could ever get back to the place we’d been before. Would the ever-present mystery of what Bree knew continue to haunt us forever? Would I ever get over witnessing just how deeply he’d loved her, and would he ever get over the fact that I’d been so close to the woman who’d broken his heart? Only time would tell.
But I knew he needed space. He still hadn’t processed much of this. And to a certain extent, neither had I.Chapter 44* * *HollisThe Monday after the funeral felt nothing like a typical Monday. I’d been up since 4AM. and had already had three cups of coffee, even though I couldn’t stomach breakfast. This would be my first day back at the office, my first day back into a life that was the same on the surface, but otherwise forever changed.
The door opened, and Elodie let herself in. It seemed like business as usual, aside from the massive ache in my chest. I’d missed her like crazy. I just didn’t know how to fall back into the place we were before all of this happened. It somehow didn’t feel right to be celebrating life, to be happy, at a time like this. I didn’t know how to be anything but miserable at the moment.
Normally, I’d be rushing out the door with my stainless to-go coffee mug. But today, I leaned against the counter—in no rush to leave but unsure of what to say.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I’m alright. How are you?”
“I’ve been keeping myself busy. Happy to be here, though.”
“Me too. I’m happy you’re back.”
Elodie glanced over toward Hailey’s room. “She’s still sleeping, I assume?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought maybe she’d be awake and excited to see me.”
“She must not have missed you that much,” I teased.
She grinned hesitantly. “Richard told me what you did. That’s amazing.”
Since Anna’s father had refused to let me pay for her funeral as I’d requested, I donated a large sum of money to start a foundation in her honor for people affected by the same lung disorder.
“It seemed like the logical thing to do.”
“I know she’d be very grateful…and I want you to know I’d be honored if you’d let me help run it.”
“Of course. We need all the help we can get. I’ll add you to the correspondence.”
“Thank you,” she said.
For some reason, at this inopportune moment, a flash of Anna’s smiling face entered my mind. True understanding that she was gone seemed to come in waves, alternating between denial and bursts of harsh reality.
I closed my eyes. “Imagine what it’s like to know you’re going to die—essentially dying a slow death. Imagine the bravery needed to endure that. I still can’t believe she had to live like that for so long.”