I’d managed to not break down throughout the funeral and after, but for some reason, it finally started to happen at this moment—the worst possible time because I didn’t want Elodie to have to see me cry, given the complexity of the situation.
“I’m sorry. I have to go. I’m late,” I said before rushing out the door.
Elodie didn’t have a chance to react.
As soon as I got to the sidewalk below, my first tear fell.***“Well, you look like shit.” Addison planted her ass in a chair on the opposite side of my desk.
I tossed the pen in my hand into the air and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Rough morning.”
“Rough few weeks, I’d say. How’s Elodie holding up?”
“Okay…I guess.”
Addison frowned. “You don’t know how she’s holding up?”
“She’s been busy. She spent the last few days doing some stuff for Anna’s family—helping clean out her house and stuff.”
“Why aren’t you right next to her, helping her?”
“She needs some time.”
Addison arched a brow. “She needs some time, or you do?”
“We both do.”
“Why?”
“What the hell do you mean, why? Isn’t it obvious?”
She folded her arms over her chest. “No, it’s not.”
“We both experienced something traumatic. We’re not machines. It takes time to work through that.”
“But you’re a couple. Why aren’t you working through it together?”
I felt fucking lost. I wanted to be there for Elodie. I just didn’t know how. It felt wrong to touch her and hold her—but I didn’t know why.
Addison’s face softened. “If this hadn’t ended the way it did. If you would have just found out Elodie and Anna knew each other, would that have changed anything between you and Elodie?”
I thought about it. Though I felt unsure about how to act around Elodie these days, I was sure about one thing: I loved her. I fucking loved her.
“No, it wouldn’t have changed anything. I guess there would have been an adjustment period. It’s not like it would have been simple to hang out with the two of them together.”
“You want to know what I think?” Addison asked.
“Not really. But that’s never fucking stopped you.”
“I think you’re a big chicken shit.”
I blinked a few times. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me right. I think you’re a big chicken shit. For years you’ve been avoiding a relationship—fucking your way through Manhattan—because the last woman you loved left you. You finally meet a woman who’s worth risking your heart for, and then bam… It all bubbles back to the surface, and you retreat.”
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. We both need time, Addison. This was her best friend and my Anna.”
She shook her head. “She wasn’t your Anna anymore, Hollis. But she is your Elodie. At least for now. So get over yourself—Elodie is not going to hurt you like Anna did. And you know what, if I’m wrong and she winds up hurting you, wouldn’t some years with Elodie be better than living without her?”
Living without her. Those words made my damn chest hurt.
“Are you done?” I picked up my pen and looked down at the stack of papers on my desk. “Because if you are, I have some work to do.”***Two nights later, I was sitting in my office at 7PM, staring at the framed photo Hailey had put on my desk. Her “redecorating” had included adding two cow-patch-patterned pillows to my leather couch, a white shaggy throw rug under the coffee table—I was certain the throw rug was from the bathroom aisle and should’ve been in front of a tub—and a few framed pictures on my desk, one of which was a selfie she’d taken the day Elodie and I picked her up from her friend’s house in Connecticut. Elodie and I were sitting in the front seat, leaning in, and Hailey sat in the center of the back seat between us. It was a cute picture. That was also the day after Elodie and I had slept together and the night I’d told her I loved her. Elodie and Hailey had big smiles on their faces, but I was looking at Elodie. The shot really captured how we were feeling that day—happy, in love, and without a care in the world.
What a difference a damn week can make.
A knock at my office door startled me.
Looking up, my brows drew together. “Richard? What are you doing here?”
He stood in the doorway. “Mind if I come in?”
“No, no, of course not.” I stood and held out my hand to shake. “It’s good to see you. How are you?”
His eyes roamed my face. “Better than you, from the looks of it.”
I sighed. “I’ve been working a lot. Catching up after being out for a while.”
He made a face that said he knew I was full of shit, but he didn’t call me out on it. He took a seat across from me.