His Frozen Heart

She screamed and everything seemed to kick into slow motion. I felt her scream echoing around me as she toppled and fell backwards. Lunging forward, I caught her fall. And then, there she was, right into my arms, again. She looked up at me, but in the confusion and shock didn’t instantly register how I got there. “I got you, babe,” I whispered in her ear. By then, the bouncers reached the situation and tackled the idiot. Even so, I was tempted to kick him in the guts. I had to tell myself, I got what I came here for, to stop myself.

With Katrina in my arms, I marched out of the club with as much conviction in my decision as when I took her from her car and carried her to my cabin. There was chaos going on all around us, but I was completely calm.

Outside, in the cold air I set Katrina down and, taking off my jacket draped it around her shoulders. She put her hand on my face. “I miss your beard.” She sounded shy, unlike how we were with each other.

“It’s easy enough to grow back.”

“No, I think I like you like this too.”

I chuckled, and suddenly she hugged me, wrapped herself in my arms and started crying.

“I’m so sorry, Cade. Everything just got so screwed up. None of it was supposed to turn out like that, I promise you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m here now.”

“I thought I’d never see you again,” she sobbed into my chest.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. I needed to get my head together.”

“I’m not a whore. I was never meant to sleep with you. I just couldn’t resist you.” She pulled away and looked deep into my eyes. “You need to know that I did it for my sister. That’s why I do these jobs. She needs constant care, and I won’t see her go without.”

“It’s ok. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.”

We held each other outside in the cool night air for a long time. It felt so good to hold her close to me. It wasn’t the most romantic spot to reunite with drunk men wandering past every now and again, but it was perfect.

“Can you come with me to my hotel room?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, we need to have a talk.”

“OK, I’ll come with you.”

Cade

When we arrived at the grand hotel I had booked into she looked up at me, a strange expression in her eyes. “Is this the real you, Cade?”

“This is me, but that man you shared the cabin with is me too. You think you can cope?”

She bit her lip and smiled. “Yeah, I can cope with anything as long as you’re there with me.”

The concierge held open the door and we walked through. “Good evening, Mr. Mortenson,” the bellboy greeted.

“You don’t have the same name as your mother?” she asked.

“I do, but I imagine she gave a false one.”

She nodded. “I guess she showed you the pictures.”

“Yes.”

The lift doors swished open and we stepped in. I kept my hand on the small of her back. I wanted to slip it lower, but I knew where that would lead. We had to talk first. I needed to get to the bottom of this mess. I had things to confess too. Things I had never told anyone.

We reached our floor and the doors opened. We walked down to my suite and put my card key into the slot. As soon as we entered the room, Katrina turned to look at me, her eyes moving worriedly over my face.

“Cade, are you alright?”

How did I start talking about the things I needed to tell her? I felt there was a huge knot of rope in my stomach, which I didn’t know how to unravel. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“It’s just that you look like … I don’t know.”

“No, I’m alright. I just have to tell you something terrible. I know the words I’m going to say … even for them to pass my lips … will make me sick. But you have to know about it, and once you do then we can talk about ‘us’. I mean, if that’s what you want. You may not want anything to do with me once you’ve heard my story.” I took a deep breath. “I know how I feel about you. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since you left. I’m hoping you feel the same way, but—”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you either. I’ve missed you like crazy. The truth is I’ve been brokenhearted without you, Cade. Besides, I’ve been worried sick about what you would think of me after seeing those pictures. So whatever it is you have to tell me, it’s okay with me—”

“Please, stop. You just have to hear this other part first before you tell me anything like that.” A wave of emotions crashed over me and I had to sit down with my face in my hands. My eyes were burning and my voice shook. The old, buried emotions were stirring around in me like some kind of internal tornado. It was terrible and scary and more powerful than me.

“I’m here and I’m listening. Take your time.” Katrina knelt down beside me and rubbed her hand over my back.

“The short version of the story is that I am a horrible monster of a man. What I’ve done is …”

“Cade, stop it. Whatever you’ve done it’s going to be ok. I mean, look at me dancing for those disgusting men. I’m sure whatever it is that you want to tell me; it’s just as bad as my past. Listen, our pasts will cancel each other out.” She put her arms around me to comfort me, which actually made me hurt worse. I pulled her arms back so I could look in her eyes.

“Did you ever wonder what brought me out to that mountain? To that cabin all alone?”

She smiled. “I thought maybe you were trying to get away from your mother? Is that not it?”

Katrina brought a smile out of me. “I wish it was that simple.”

She scowled and looked at me anxiously. “Are you in some kind of trouble with the law?”

“No.” I took a deep breath and began at the beginning. “I don’t know what you know about me, but I worked in the financial sector. I built nothing, I created nothing. All I did was buy and sell other people’s companies. In a fraction of a second I and my super computers could make millions of dollars. I was a vampire. Sucking the blood, sweat, and tears of ordinary people. But I didn’t see that. Not at all. And neither did the people around me. Like me they thought I was a big deal. I was invited to the best parties and feted at all kinds of industry events.”

I paused and stared at the carpet, the little star pattern on it.

“I absolutely loved the high of a big kill, and I was good at it. Very good at it. I can safely say that my life was my work. I was a workaholic. I worked all hours of the week and most of the weekends too. Even after I got married.”

“Oh God.” Katrina sat herself down on one of the new chairs. “You’re married?”

“No, I’m not married. Not anymore. Just listen, please.”

The color had drained from Katrina’s face. “I’m sorry. Go on.”

“Christine and I were from the same background. We dated and when she became pregnant we got married. Stupid decision. Looking back, we never should have gotten married. It definitely wasn’t a match made in heaven and I don’t think I ever even loved her. I guess I allowed myself to be influenced by my mother on that one. Anyway, without love the marriage floundered very quickly. It was mostly my fault. I was always absent. No one could have had a relationship with me. Almost as soon as the twins were born we became strangers, but I

didn’t leave her. I didn’t want her, but I didn’t want any other women either so for a few years we carried on. I left her to get on with it and concentrated on my business. I was earning so much money and had become so influential I was invited to attend the Bilderberger meeting. The children were growing and happy. Oh, God, I can’t talk about this!”

I got up and kicked the leg of the armchair with frustration. The shame and anger I felt towards myself swelled up all over again. I was back in that time. I hated the words I was going to have to say. I took a few deep breaths and turned to Katrina again.

“Go on, Cade. Say it. You’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry. Don’t be scared. I’ve just never told anyone this before, and I hate this part of me.”

She stood up and touched my hand. “You saw those photos of me. I hate that part of me.”

I sat down on the sofa next to her, but I couldn’t speak. She thought the photos of her dancing for men was bad. She had no idea. I buried my head in my hands.

“Oh, Cade,” she whispered.

“My children,” I said, and my voice broke.

“The twins,” she prompted.

I nodded. “A boy and a girl.”

“Are they with their mother? You don’t see them?” Katrina asked.

I shook my head. ‘No.’

“Why?” she asked, and there was a new dread in her voice.

“Because … because … one night … I came home from work really late.” I stood up and walked away from Katrina. I went to stand at the window. I looked into the dark sky and I let myself remember that night.

Cade

Two years previously.

I came home as usual and walked through the door, and there was an odd smell in the house. The smell of something that had been burnt. I walked through the empty house and I could see that Christine had set the table with candles as I passed the dining room.