Becky had given me some money for traveling expenses. I’d found it tucked into my pocket after she’d given me a hug and left, so I’d splurged on onion rings. I regretted it now as the car sped towards my mom. It finally settled down about five minutes before we got home and I was so relieved, I nearly laughed.
It wasn’t just my gall bladder, I thought, but I couldn’t tell my uncle that. It was stress. I’d been so distraught that I’d missed my period too. I knew stress could do that and with exams, the shit with my ‘boyfriend’, and Rachel, well, my body was in chaos and telling me it needed a break.
My uncle parked at his trailer, and then we walked over to my Mom’s. I knocked on the door before I opened it and she stood there in the kitchen, her jaw dropped and her eyes wide. “Baby girl! What are you doing here?”
“I needed my Momma,” I said with a sob and fell into her open arms. This is what I’d needed more than anything.
“We’ll, uh, we’ll have dinner ready at six, you two. Take some time, and then come on over.” I smiled at my uncle, tears running down my face and mouthed a thank you. He knew we needed some time together.
“Tell me, baby, come on. Something’s wrong or you wouldn’t be here.” She was so concerned, so soft and sweet and so full of the smell that was my mom, that I nearly fell. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed her.
I clung to her tightly, sobs an awful strain that wracked my body as I let it all out at last. I told her everything that had happened. I’m sure she didn’t understand it all, but she didn’t judge me or push me away She just smiled and told me how much she loved me. How proud she was.
“You stood up for yourself, baby. That was so brave of you.” She looked at my pink hair and smiled. “I hate that that little bitch ruined your hair, but I love the pink.”
“Everybody does,” I said and wiped my face with some paper towels. We weren’t the box of tissues kind of family. “I’m sorry I cried all over you like that.”
“It’s what I’m here for, baby girl. Now, what are you going to do about those men?”
“I have no idea.”
“It sounds to me,” she said carefully, her eyes on the picture of my Dad on the wall, “that you loved them all. And like they were about to tell you before this Rachel girl spoiled it all.”
“I think they were. But I can’t forgive them, can I? They played me for an idiot.”
“I know, honey, but they also seemed to have chosen very carefully. They didn’t just pick you because they wanted to play with you, it sounds like they wanted something real. Different but real.”
“I can’t believe you’re defending them.” I wasn’t angry, just shocked.
“I know, it’s weird, but I learned a lot from your dad. He was a little wild too before he got sick. I’ve never been a prude, you know that, but, well, honey, sometimes people make the worst mistakes with the best intentions. Which has probably just confused you even more but think about what you’ve told me. They treated you like a princess. And more importantly, with care. And as someone who lost her one and only far too soon, I can also say, if you can have three of the same one, well have it. You’ll never be alone.”
I couldn’t believe what she said. My mom, the saintly woman that hadn’t remarried, wanted me to make up with the Bentleys?
“Wait, who’s this guy you’ve been seeing? And what’s he done to you?”
“Oh, Tom? Well, he’s taught me a thing or two. I’m not too old for a good time you know?” She winked at me and I nearly fell over and died.
“Momma!” I said, shocked. “You slut!”
“Only with him.” She threw her head back and laughed, and despite myself, I laughed with her. Good for her.
She deserved some happiness and a little bit of love in her life.
The fact that she wanted me to take the boys back made me wonder about her sanity, but then I wondered if she wasn’t looking at it all practically. There would be three men to provide an income, three men to love me, and take care of me. And as she’d said, I’d never be alone. I had three men to love.
I pondered over it all as we went to my uncle’s for Thanksgiving dinner, and I watched my family as they celebrated my success so far. I hadn’t exactly made a good name for myself at school, but my grades were good, and I hadn’t failed out or been fired yet. Mom kept my business to herself, as I knew she would, and we had a nice time.
Becky had been right; I’d needed to be home with my family. I’d have to pay her back, somehow, but this was the best thing that could have happened to me. My mom had shown me the commonsense side of things, and the reality of life. As a child, she’d told me about her fairy tale romance with Dad and I’d wanted that same kin
d of life.
One man, one woman, college, marriage, babies, and happily ever after. I wanted what she hadn’t been able to have. But that wasn’t the only option in life. Yes, the boys had humiliated me with their little game, but had it really been a game?
If it had been, would they have carried it on as long as they did? I didn’t think they would. I was quiet throughout the weekend that my tickets allowed me to be home, so I soaked in all the family time that I could. I talked with my cousins and held the babies a few of them had already given us to love. I took it all in, and when I went back to New York, I had an idea of what I really wanted out of life now.
I’d gone to New York totally naïve, maybe even a little vain about myself. I’d considered myself above the other kids, in a way. I was more romantic, not sex-starved as I thought they were. Now that I’d experienced intimacy, I knew that sometimes you just needed to fuck. At other times, you needed that connection. I’d been wrong to judge the other kids as I had.
I left my mom’s again and cried on the plane home, though I’d never tell her that. I hid beneath the blanket the stewardess gave me and tried to stop the tears. I hated leaving my family again, but my life was in New York now. Becky was there, my classes, and my job was there, and my future was there.
I wasn’t little Miss Perfect, at all. I knew that now. I’d made my own mistakes. I’d walked blindly into a relationship with a man I barely knew. Okay, three men I barely knew. I hadn’t known they were three men, but that wasn’t relevant. What was relevant, was the fact that I’d chosen to date him, I’d chosen to sleep with him, and I’d chosen to blind myself to the truth. I remembered now, all the times I’d caught them out, but they’d managed to play it off. That time I came home from school early, the coughs I’d heard when I was ill, that delirium dream, which had probably been real, minus the dog part. So many times, but I’d talked myself out of the truth.
Because I loved who I was with them, how I felt with them, and what my future could be with them as my mates. No, it wasn’t conventional, it was insane, but people broke the rules all the time. My family had, but we’d stuck together. They’d stand by me if I chose to continue with this relationship. Even if nobody else would.