“I hope he’s terrible at it,” I said spitefully.
“Me too,” Damon agreed with a chuckle. “I’ll have to let Dr. Farnham know that he wasn’t the first choice. Besides, I’m not sure if I want to stay at CUIMC now.”
“Really?” I asked. “What are you planning on doing?”
He shrugged. “Nothing anytime soon. Lately, I’ve been trying to think toward the future.”
“And?”
He smiled. “It’s not something I’m used to. At least not since I started on this path to follow in my dad’s footsteps and become a surgeon. In my personal life, I’ve always been focused on the present.”
That’s where we were opposites. I had always been so focused on the future that I forgot to live in the present moment.
“Do you think your mom is going to get back together with my dad?” he asked.
I bit my lip. “I truly have no idea. I’ve never heard her so devastated before. I wish we would have known they were going to get married so we could get them to slow things down a little. I don’t object to my mom dating your dad, but she had no idea what she was getting herself into.”
“I agree,” he sighed, “he’s really not a bad guy, but he does stupid stuff sometimes. He falls in love too easily and he’s gotten away with sampling every willing woman who crosses his path.”
“I don’t want my mom to get hurt again.”
“I don’t either. I really liked her when I met her. She’s really too good for him.”
“Are you just saying that because I’m her daughter? Either way, I appreciate you saying so. I’m glad we’re on the same side here, even though you kind of have to be loyal to your dad.”
“He understands he messed up. I’ve made it clear to him that I think he’s a jackass for what he did. I advised him to never get married again. He just thinks he needs to go to couple’s counseling or rehab.”
“Both are probably wise,” I said. “They’re probably going to get divorced, right?”
“I’d say almost definitely. It’s probably best that we aren’t step-siblings. It was already difficult to introduce you to people. This would only make things more complicated.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, that is pretty weird. When my mom said she was dating a guy from Hazelwood, I didn’t even consider the fact that your father was from there. I wish I would have made the connection earlier.”
“So much heartbreak could have been spared,” he said wistfully.
Something had changed about Damon since we started to get to know each other. On our first date, he was incredibly rude. Now, he was mellow and kind. It was as if I had managed to break down whatever wall he kept up to protect him from suffering his father’s fate. He went through women and threw them away like old tissues, not because he didn’t respect them, but because he feared getting too close. He had seen what his father’s ways could do to a person, and wanted nothing to do with it. I must have caught him at a vulnerable time, because he was slowly opening up to me. He had been using a defense mechanism, and I was able to break into the machine and watch how it functioned. I had to remind myself that Damon was a real human being with thoughts and feelings, and not just a science experiment. Finally, I could understand why he made me feel like shit one day, and a princess the next. He had no idea what he was doing and was scrambling to protect us from disaster.
However, I felt it was best to keep these suspicions to myself. I didn’t want to spook him and lose him forever. Though I swore to myself on multiple occasions that I would be done with him, I couldn’t shake Damon Rye. And, if he was going to be a part of my life in one way or another, I thought it was best to keep things cordial and peaceful.
For the first time since we started hanging out, I felt calm. Though we were deeply entangled in a series of never-ending dramas, I could relax around Damon and speak to him as a friend. I didn’t need an agenda or ulterior motive. We were no longer pieces in a chess game, always thinking of our next move, working to outsmart the other.
“What an absolute mess this day has been.” I giggled, nearly delirious from emotional exhaustion. “Are there any more secrets that you haven’t told me?”
I was joking, but Damon’s face went blank. I was expecting a sarcastic remark from him, but got silence instead.
“Is there?” I asked exasperatedly. “Your silence is telling.”
“No, I promise I don’t have anything else,” he said.
I looked him in the eye, staring at him until he finally broke. Whatever he was hiding, he was putting up a pretty good fight.
“Don’t make me guess,” I said, trying to figure out what he was thinking. “Are you seeing someone? Are you failing me in my evaluations? Are you about to tell me that you don’t want to be seen with me anymore?”
“No,” he said brusquely. “I think I have feelings for you.”
I froze. I hadn’t been expecting that. If anything, I figured I would spill the beans first, and he wouldn’t be able to reciprocate.
“Oh, that’s it?” I said softly. “Huh.”
Now it was his turn to stare at me.
“And?” he asked.
“Well, I like you too, I guess,” I said, feeling flummoxed.
“You guess,” he scoffed. “Oh, I’m an idiot. Why did I say that?”
“No, I’m glad you did,” I said reassuringly. “I’m sorry, I’m not great at this either. Obviously, there’s something between us, but what are we supposed to do about it? We’ve already gotten ourselves into so much trouble, and we’ve only really known each other for less than two weeks. Where could we possibly go from here?”
I could see a little sadness behind Damon’s eyes. When it came down to it, I would have loved to be able to date him. I wanted to be able to spend more time with him and get to know him properly. But, until the divorce went through, we were step-siblings. Not to mention the fact that he’s my teaching doctor and I was still just an intern.
“You know, if you’d be willing to try to make it work, I would be interested in giving this a shot,” he said carefully. “I’m kind of new to this, but I’d be open to making this work.”
“Really?” I asked, my eyes lighting up.
He nodded. “It might be best to keep public appearances to a minimum before you are fully through your first year residency, but I think I’d really like to continue this relationship.”
“Continue?” I asked.
He smiled. “Well, I’ve already introduced you to people as my girlfriend. We’ve already been on a few dates, and you’ve slept over at my place. That sounds like dating to me.”
I giggled. All along, I had been so far into my own head that I hadn’t realized that we were behaving like any other couple would. We just had a lot more baggage than most.
“What if we didn’t see each other until after this session is over?” I asked. “We could still talk on the phone, but we just keep physical contact out of the picture until you’re done being our mentor. The distance might make things more meaningful.”
“Two weeks?” he asked. “That’s a long time.”
“Are you not willing to wait for me so we can make this thing legitimate?”
“No, I am,” he said. “I think it’s a good idea. I’ve never tried to have a real relationship with anyone before.”
“What about our parents?” I asked, wincing.
“Let’s not mention it just yet,” he said. “If the time comes where they need to know about us, we’ll tell them. They can hardly be mad after the mess they’ve created, right?”
I chuckled. “Right. And now that I’m not going to be working with you, that takes care of that debacle. At the very least, we can just sneak around together.”
“I think I want more than that,” he said, taking my hand in his. “I want to have more moments with you at fundraisers, so I can show off how cool you are. I want to be able to walk down the streets of Manhattan without worrying about what people will say.”