His lungs tightened. He could never offer her that. He knew what a farce it was. It trapped people into staying together for longer than they should. It produced kids only to mess them up.
He wasn’t ever going to marry, never have kids. So given their opposing future ideals, he knew he shouldn’t be hanging around her now. He should be backing away so she was free to meet the guy who’d be all good for her. She was a team player who liked to support others—but who needed someone to support her needs just as much. Whereas he liked to live alone and never rely on another. Never feel the burden of being relied upon for emotional fulfilment—for he was fully aware he’d fail to carry it. Hell, he couldn’t even get her to tell him about the guy who’d done her over. It shouldn’t bother him, but it did. He couldn’t end this until he knew it all. And even more stupidly, his big place felt too bare and empty now; he liked her lushly furnished rooms better. So when he landed, well past midnight, he quietly crept into her bed.
‘Seth?’ She was curled in a cosy ball like a cat—but he wasn’t lulled into thinking she was harmless. She was more sleeping lioness than kitten.
‘Shh, it’s late.’ He kissed her lips—a chaste, soft kiss. He kissed her cheek, her brow. Tenderness washed over him, soothing down the embers of desire.
She mumbled something; he didn’t catch it. But he knew she was happy, he saw the soft smile, heard the sleepy chuckle. It touched him. He pulled her back against him, gently pressing a light kiss on the tip of her ear, the edge of her cheek. She stirred again, muttered something else and then relaxed, warm against him.
Long into the night, he lay awake. Holding her softness close, listening to her smooth breathing. Her husky whisper echoed round his head, sending vitality—entwined with terror—pulsing through his soul. Had she really just muttered those three little words?
He’d heard them before, from other women when they were wide awake. He hadn’t believed them. They’d wanted his success and status rather than him. But Lena didn’t want to feed off his success. Lena was working out her own meaning of that word. Lena wasn’t like them. She wasn’t like anyone else he’d met. How he felt now was totally foreign, too.
Now he wished he’d stayed away.
Lena woke, amazed to find him profoundly asleep in her bed. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be in Wellington. But he’d obviously wanted to come home—to her. She lay quietly, looking at his beautifully relaxed expression. He was so handsome. She thought back, remembering now that she’d felt his weight on the bed in the middle of the night, that she’d turned and cuddled into his warmth, that she’d been so pleased she’d said…
Oh, no.
She carefully eased out of bed so she didn’t wake him. Had a shower in which she squeezed her eyes tight against the tears. It was one thing to admit her weakness to herself, it was another to admit it to him. Because she also remembered his response to her declaration—his utter silence.
The hour before work ticked away. She dressed, breakfasted and still he snoozed on. In the silence she formulated a plan. She’d pretend she’d never said it. Pretend she’d been asleep. Pretend that nightmare reality had been a dream.
‘Why aren’t you out of bed yet? Don’t you have deals to make or something?’ She put her hand on his foot and jiggled it. ‘In Wellington?’
Zero reaction.
She pulled the curtains open and jabbed at his prone form again.
Finally he groaned. ‘It took ages to get to sleep.’ Bleary-eyed, he rubbed his hand over his face. ‘Lena—’ He broke off.
‘Mmm?’ She picked up her bag, and glanced at her reflection, needing a second before facing him. ‘What?’
No answer. She turned. For a second he met her gaze, then he looked away. Sitting up, he covered his body with a sheet. He never did that.
‘I’ve got to go,’ she said lamely, dying inside.
He couldn’t look at her. And he didn’t answer.
‘You’ll have to let yourself out.’ She sprinted to the door. ‘I’m late already.’
Seth slumped back down the bed and stared at the ceiling, still hearing the husky whisper. Maybe it had been a dream. He’d been that tired. He was still tired. And totally out of sorts. Just then she’d escaped as fast as she could. He didn’t know if that meant she remembered or not. Either way she was hiding from him and he didn’t like it. He flung the sheet up over his face and closed his eyes, trying to slip back into a half sleep. Except he ached all over. Maybe he was coming down with flu.
He should have stayed away last night. He should stay away tonight instead. He needed some space to think clearly but there was no getting out of going to the Knights’ home game. He had to be there for the boys. It was their big reward for turning up to the training and for turning up to school this week.
He lay, breathing in her soft scent, and finally faced it. What he’d wanted, why he was feeling this disgruntled—this disappointed. He’d wanted her to say it again. He’d wanted her to wake and to say it again and to mean it.
He’d never wanted that from anyone, never wanted to want it. But it had snuck up on him. She had. His heart thundered in both horror and frustration. Because now he had to deal with a whole day away, then a whole evening of being social. He showered and dressed and headed back to the airport. He didn’t text or call. Because he needed to see her face to face. Once all the day’s obligations were done, he’d get her alone and up close and, cautious as he suddenly was, he’d see what happened.
Lena didn’t pay attention to the game. The Knights won, of course, but that was inevitable. Seth was in the VIP stand with his boys. Even the ones who believed they were literally too cool for school looked blown away. Andrew and Dion were with them, too. The boys were getting the full preferential treatment—dinner before the match, dessert halfway through in the private suite, plus the chance to mingle with the Knights at the after-match function now. Watching from a distance, she chatted with other guests and truly understood what a mess she’d made of it. She’d done it again, fallen for someone who didn’t want the same thing as her. And this time she’d fallen in love for real.
He didn’t feel the same way. Her half-dozy declaration had killed it. He wouldn’t even hold her gaze across the room. She’d tried, sent him a smile when she’d caught him glancing at her. But he’d blanked it—looked away as fast as possible and then actually turned his back.
She knew he was a better man than her ex. He didn’t lie, didn’t cheat. He had his own code. But he had faults, too. It hurt her to see him being so nice to those kids tonight when he was blanking his own blood—his half-brother. He couldn’t forgive. So Lena knew just how to end it with him. Because, as she’d promised herself from the start, she would be the one to call time. And she had to now. He wasn’t ever going to change for her.
By now the Knights had come up from the change room. Suited up in their finery, they were busy doing obligatory chats with the sponsors and guests before they hit the clubs in town and celebrated the way they really wanted to. A group were paying special attention to Andrew and the boys. Lena couldn’t bear to watch any more. Her duty was almost over for the night and she’d snatch a breather now. She slipped out of the room into the cooling air. Other than the crowd in the glassed-in corporate boxes, the stadium was now empty. The audience had drained away, the cleaners had already swept round collecting the plastic cups and wrappers left strewn over the seating. She walked down the steps of the private stand and stood at the railing—literally bracing herself.
‘Lena?’
So he’d followed.
‘If your half-brother was in a mess like those boys up there, would you help him?’ she asked without preamble.
The late-summer night was light enough for her to see his immediate frown as he leant on the railing. ‘Why would you think he’s in trouble?’
‘What if that’s why she’s writing to you?’
He laughed—roughly. ‘Lena, trust me, it’s probably money. It’s amazing, the peo
ple who crawl out of the woodwork claiming some kind of kinship or pleading some sob story when they know you’re wealthy.’
‘Well, what if it is? What if they’re struggling like you and your mum struggled? Would you want him to go through the kind of hardship you went through?’
His frown was thunderous. ‘He’ll never go through what I went through.’
‘Seth.’ Her heart pleaded for him to be more sympathetic. ‘He’s lost his father.’
‘I lost my father, too,’ he said coldly. ‘A long time ago.’
‘About the same age as he did.’ Lena nodded. ‘What if he needs a decent man in his life to help him out now? Or do you want him to have to fight through it, too?’
Seth abruptly straightened. ‘Lena, this is pointless. You’re never going to understand—’
‘No, you won’t,’ she interrupted harshly. ‘You’ll never understand.’
‘Understand what?’
She turned and hit him as he’d once told her to. Only, words could wound so much more than fists. ‘How I came to have an affair with a married man. How for almost a year I was his mistress. How I tried to break up a marriage.’
He stared, his eyes widening to huge. ‘What?’ He sounded half-strangled.
‘You heard. I was the other woman interfering in a marriage, Seth. I tried to break them up. I did everything I could.’
She’d been so pathetically needy. She’d given up so much when she’d been waiting for him to give her all he’d said he would. Lost more when it had all come crashing down. The friends she’d ditched to be available for him then had ditched her. Her parents had been appalled. The only thing she’d been able to do was get the hell out of that town and start afresh.
She’d promised herself that she’d never make that kind of mistake again. Yet here she was putting out for a guy who wanted nothing more from her. Allowing herself to be basically used because her stupid heart had got ideas above its station. And it was so much worse this time. Because this time she’d truly fallen. It wasn’t about being the one chosen over another, about being picked first for once in her life. It had been that before—all about being the woman who won. And she hadn’t.