She had her eyes wide open now, no more naïve fantasy. There was no other woman here. Only her but she still wasn’t going to win. The pleasure she got from being with Seth was deep and real. She knew his faults. She knew he was arrogant and proud but also unforgiving. She loved him anyway. But she had to shatter it because he didn’t love her. And that wasn’t going to change.
‘They were married and I was the other woman,’ she said harshly. ‘I’m the temptress tart, Seth. I’m the kind of woman you hate.’
He’d frozen. Something hard glittered in his eyes—cutting her heart like diamond-tipped blades. Suddenly she couldn’t resist trying to explain it—not excuse it, but explain it.
‘I know exactly how it happened and he was no lily-white old fool who got trapped,’ she said in a rush. ‘He chased me. In the beginning he chased so hard. He told me he was separated. I wouldn’t touch him until he’d said the divorce was under way. He even showed me a lawyer’s letter. It was fiction. He chased and chased and I was stupidly flattered. Once he’d got what he wanted, that’s when he began to cool, but by then I didn’t see it. I was seduced by the attention. I wanted it all and more. I believed he loved me. I believed his promises.’ She’d been a naïve, needy idiot and she wasn’t going to be that girl any more. ‘I’m not going to be used like that again. And that’s what’s happening here. I can’t keep seeing you when you can’t give me what I want.’
‘I’m not cheating you, Lena.’ His knuckles were white on the railing—only half a metre along from her own bloodless fists.
‘Not with another woman. But your “my parents screwed up so I’ll never make the mistake of getting married myself” line is a convenient excuse for serial monogamy and not committing. That way you get to play the field in a kind of code that’s acceptable to you. That way you don’t have to admit all you’re really interested in from me is short-term sex.’
‘We never made promises. You wanted a series of one-night stands.’
‘That’s right and I was wrong. One day you’ll meet some woman who has it all and you’ll offer everything you’ve said you never will. But that woman’s not me. It’ll never, ever be me.’
She paused to draw breath, but also because she had some stupid weak hope that he’d interrupt her now and shout that she was wrong and that she was that woman.
Of course he didn’t. He just stood pale, his chest rising and falling fast, his jaw clamped.
‘You make that excuse to women like me because you know we don’t have whatever it is that would hold your interest for long.’ She tossed her head back, summoning the last of her defiance. ‘I refuse to be so needy again. I deserve more than this.’
‘But you were the one who stipulated this was purely physical in the first place.’
‘Because I wanted you,’ she shouted. ‘But stupidly I want more. I thought I could control that but I can’t and you’re not ever going to give it to me.’
She was better on her own than waiting to be ditched. Than giving up her heart and not getting his in return. ‘Admit it, Seth, you don’t want more from me.’
He didn’t deny it. He just stared at her, just looked blown away. It made her all the more angry. She wished he would say it. Wished he’d end this as decisively as she knew he could. Instead she had to push it. To sever the last thin thread of attraction.
‘You know you could never trust me.’ She acted up, playing the man-stealing vixen she’d been labelled. ‘You’d always wonder. I did it once—knowingly slept with a guy who belonged to another woman. A married man. I lied to everyone. Really well.’ Most of all to herself. ‘I deliberately tried to take him away from his wife. How could you ever think I’d be faithful? Who’s to say I haven’t been already with you?’
He’d gone paler. Good.
‘You loathe infidelity. Now you’re looking at the queen of it. Someone as virtuous as you must surely hate me. After all, it’s always the tart who’s to blame.’
She hated him then for the heavy judgment in his absolute silence. ‘But you know what, Seth? You’re not that perfect, either.’ She turned the venom from herself to him. ‘There were shades of grey in what you did with me. You slept with me that first night despite knowing it would make things awkward for me the next day when you came calling for your little favour. But you wanted your good time and you got it and damn the little question of ethics or fair play. You push everything as close to the edge as you can. And you parade your independence like it’s so damn great, but it’s just a mask for selfishness and an inability to care. You’re so closed off, so unforgiving that you can’t even bring yourself to find out if your own flesh and blood is okay. Well, that’s not okay. And I’m through with you.’ She stopped, stared, her fury spent.
He stood so still—like granite. Unfeeling. Uncaring.
Tears blinded her. Desperate to hide them, she turned and took to the stairs as if a monster were at her heels.
‘Excuse me.’ She pushed past some rugby player standing in the doorway and slipped through the crowd out to the exit corridor on the other side.
She’d done it. Ended everything between them. And all it had taken was the truth.
A kaleidoscope of images whirled in Seth’s head. Confused emotions rioted in his body. He stared at the empty stadium stairs. Dazedly thought how she’d taken them three at a time to get back into the VIP suite. He was totally shocked and it was taking too long to process the last four-minute nightmare. Of all the things he’d thought might happen tonight, it sure as hell hadn’t been that. He breathed, trying to get the oxygen hit that might make the smothering fog clear. But it didn’t. All he had were questions and questions and a hellish bad ache compressing his chest. She’d struck when he’d least expected it, where he’d least expected. She’d hurled a mangled mess of past and present at him. Rejected him. Then run for good measure.
He swore as anger rose—burning, blinding, bloody bitter anger. How the hell was he supposed to react when she didn’t even give him a second to think, let alone answer? He might be selfish, but she was the biggest coward he’d ever met.
It was only a minute before he followed her. But in the crowded room he instantly sensed the void.
She’d already gone.
CHAPTER TWELVE
IF IT had just been sex, living without it would be easy. Lena had lived without sex for months. And if sex was all she’d wanted, she could get it elsewhere. She could say yes to that newest recruit and spend the night with a beautiful, fit body.
But it was so much more than sex. Sitting on her sofa, Lena curled into a ball and cried. She cried because she missed him. She cried because what she had to offer wasn’t enough. She cried because he didn’t have the humanity she needed him to. He didn’t seem to have the same need as anyone else—to be part of a team. To want support and companionship and understanding.
The night dragged. She couldn’t sleep for that last little hope that he’d call by—that he’d come after her.
He didn’t.
She made work extremely busy, begging extra tasks from Dion. For three days she basically lived at the stadium. She’d blocked Seth’s number from her phone, set his email address as spam so she had no idea if he tried to contact her. But she was certain he wouldn’t now. He must hate her. She never mentioned him to Dion, who never mentioned him back. She’d get over him—one minute at a time.
Wednesday morning she walked out of the tunnel on her way to deliver a parcel to the coach. The boys were training on the pitch already. Her tight control on her thoughts slipped—there was no amateur extra out on the field today. No gorgeous guy laughing with a bunch of kids in his grey tee. Memory washed over her, a powerful wave that she closed her eyes to endure. So she didn’t see the rope lying across her path. But she sure as hell felt the concrete.
She blinked and saw a montage of faces moving above her like a wobble board. She quickly shut her eyes again, screwing them tight because the motion-sickness thing was still with her.
&
nbsp; ‘Lena? Lena? Lena?’ One rugby player seemed to be uncertain if she was who she was.
‘Get Gabe.’ Someone else, possibly Ty.
‘I’m fine,’ she said firmly, keeping her eyes shut.
‘You’re not. Don’t move.’
She had no intention of moving. It’d be great if she could slink off and hide, but it was totally impossible.
‘Is it just your head hurting?’