Actually the only thing hurting was her heart. The rest of her was numb. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Can you feel this?’ Impersonal hands pressed on her ankles, up to her knees, then shifted to her arms.
She nodded slightly before wincing as pain suddenly pounded in her temple.
‘Up we go.’
Someone picked her up and held her close to his chest. Not the right guy.
‘I’m so embarrassed.’ She’d never tripped in her heels before. Now she’d given the guys real reason to hassle her about them.
‘Forget it.’
It was Gabe carrying her. If she had a penchant for moody dark-eyed men, she’d have fallen quite easily for Doctor Gabe months ago as so many of those dancers had, but she preferred the blue-eyed, make-you-laugh type. He put her on a bench in the change room and made her hold a cloth to her head. She lifted it away a second and felt sick when she saw it was blood-soaked already. Ty and Jimmy squatted down in front of her while Gabe went fussing for something in his bag of gear.
‘You need us to do anything, Lena?’ Jimmy asked. ‘Don’t want us to take someone down in a heavy head-high tackle or anything?’
She looked at them, caught between mortification at them knowing she was heartbroken and a bit of gratitude because they cared.
‘Oh, boys,’ she half growled. ‘I can take care of myself.’
‘We don’t like to see you hurt. And, uh—’ Ty gestured to his head ‘—not just there.’
‘That’s really nice of you but…’ She trailed off as acid tears pricked her eyes. ‘Oh, hell, that is really nice of you.’
‘You’re our bossy sister, you know?’
She nodded and instantly stopped with a wince. ‘And you’re all annoying brothers.’
‘He’s a fool.’
Yeah, they knew. Of course they’d all have seen what was going on the last couple of weeks. And what wasn’t now. ‘Can we just forget about it and act like normal?’
‘Sure.’ Ty nodded.
‘You guys need to focus on your game. And I’ve stuff to do. We’ll do that, okay?’ But they’d just slid the smallest cushion beneath her battered heart. They cared. They appreciated her. And that was a smear of salve that she really needed right now.
She had a great job. She had value. She’d pick herself up, dust herself down and get on with it. She’d work harder still. As agonising as it was, she knew now she could do the right thing. She was stronger, wiser, more capable. And maybe one day, she might meet someone who’d appreciate her, know her faults and love her anyway.
One day a long way off from today.
The change-room door hit the wall with a bang. ‘Where is—?’
Lena stared, clutching the bloodied rag to her head as Seth stopped talking and strode to where she sat. His presence ripped away that cushion and smashed her raw heart back onto jagged rocks for seagulls to peck at.
‘Seth was with me when the boys buzzed for Gabe.’ Dion hovered in the doorway.
With Dion. Not here to see her. Her hope’s last feeble flare was shot down just like that.
‘I’m fine.’ Lena forced a fake smile. ‘I’m fine.’ Could they all please leave now? Especially him.
It was only Ty and Jimmy who backed out, sending Seth glowering glances before taking Dion with them. Lena was acutely aware he was too busy staring at her to see them.
‘That’s a hell of a gash. Does she need stitches?’ Seth whirled and looked at Gabe, who now had his gloves on and his oversized scary-looking staple gun at the ready. ‘Should you be doing this?’
Lena saw Gabe’s eyes kindle at the doubt in Seth’s tone.
‘In between the sprained ankles and torn tendons I do a spot of stitching, as well,’ the doctor said coolly.
‘But this is her face.’
Gabe stood tall. ‘I’ve done plenty of facial cuts and there are no scars on any of my patients. It would ruin the calendar.’ He knelt before Lena. ‘So there’ll be no scar on you, either, sweets. Not from me.’
The resulting silence was so pointed it could have cut lead.
Gabe worked carefully, quietly. Lena was frozen stiff. Seth stood slightly to the side, not taking his eyes off her. She couldn’t let herself pay attention to it. He was here to see Dion. Not her.
Finally Gabe rose and peeled off his gloves. ‘There you go, watch for a headache because there might be a touch of concussion. So don’t be alone tonight.’
She really wished he hadn’t said that in front of Seth. She smoothed down her skirt and forced her legs to hold steady as she stood. She didn’t want to have to take any assistance.
Gabe grabbed his bag and left the room. Lena breathed slowly a couple of times to make sure she could get out of there without keeling over again. Seth still just stood watching—too close. She had to break the dreadful silence somehow.
‘You had a meeting with Dion?’
‘You’ve been working hard?’ He asked his question at the same time as she did.
She waited a second and then answered, ‘Very.’ She straightened her shoulders and took firm steps to the door. ‘It’s going well.’
‘Great,’ he clipped, suddenly looking everywhere but at her. ‘I guess I’ll see you…’
It was just a polite word of farewell that he didn’t even finish. There was certainly no offer to keep an eye on her possibly concussed self.
No. There was no depth behind that initial moment of concern. No hidden meaning. Fighting back tears, Lena carefully walked back up to her office. She closed the door, thankful for the ton of work on her desk that she could bury her whole self in.
Seth strode—okay, sprinted—out of there. Bitter-tasting spit filled his mouth. He was so near to literally spilling his guts. It wasn’t her bloodied head he found horrific, but her hard shell—her unresponsive expression.
He hated it. Wished he hated her. He’d tried for days to push her out of his mind. He’d flown out of the city and worked and worked and worked. But it hadn’t worked. As soon as he’d landed back in Christchurch he’d come straight to the stadium and got upstairs in time to hear that Gabe was needed. For Lena. He’d sprinted to that change room and his heart had both leapt and stopped at the sight of her.
He desperately wanted to talk to her but one look told him the timing was impossible. It was horribly obvious that she didn’t want him there. Didn’t need him. So cold. That hurt more than anything ever had or could. She’d ended it and she was fine about it. How could she be the same woman who’d whispered her love so sweetly late that night? Or did she whisper that to anyone who happened to be in her bed?
No. He couldn’t believe that. But nor could he believe her confession about her affair, either. Hurt surged higher, because she’d never have told him about it if it weren’t true. So now he wanted to erase the whole damn thing. He wanted not to care.
But he couldn’t stop.
He was almost at his car when he saw Ty, the captain, walking towards him.
‘Is Lena okay?’ Ty asked shortly.
‘Yeah.’ Seth glanced up. The other player from the change room was watching close, clearly the back-up. ‘She seems fine.’
‘You think?’ Ty asked, all ominous.
But that was fine, because Seth felt like fighting. Bare knuckles and blood. ‘Doing the big-brother act?’
‘What makes you think I feel brotherly about Lena?’ Ty glared back. ‘She turned me down like she did everyone else, but I meant it more than most. And she deserves someone who can give her what she needs.’
‘You think you know what
she needs?’ Seth hated this.
‘Maybe I’ve got more of an idea than you.’
Seth didn’t bother answering. Just got into his car, slammed the door and fired the engine, wanting to go faster than sound and burn the hell out. He couldn’t bear the thought of that beautiful woman laughing at that guy’s lame jokes the way she did at his. Couldn’t bear the thought of her snuggled on a sofa with him and commentating her way through the replay of the day.
But she’d refused Ty. She’d refused all those boys. In the face of all those eligible offers, she’d taken up none. But she’d taken Seth on.
Why?
Within five minutes of getting to his apartment, he was bare-chested and bare-knuckled and beating the crap out of his punchbag. Trying to beat the bitter hurt out of his body. For the first time in three days he let himself listen to the arguments endlessly circling in his head.
He’d hated his father, but loathed his father’s lover. So he hated that Lena had been the other woman like that. He hated that she’d lied and cheated. But he couldn’t hate her.
Because didn’t he know how it felt to be rejected? Didn’t he know how awful it felt—not to be enough? His mother had never said anything to him direct, but late one miserable night as his parents’ marriage had blown up he’d heard her on the phone to a friend. Bawling her eyes out, heartbroken that her husband’s mistress was pregnant. Because she’d wanted more children. Because Seth wasn’t enough for her. And not enough to save her marriage. So he’d learned he didn’t have whatever it was necessary to make someone else happy. Nothing he’d done seemed to be enough. And he’d decided that if he was going to get on in this world, it had to be all his own doing. He wouldn’t ever depend on another like that for happiness.
He punched harder. Because that old rule had taken a battering recently.
Lena had made mistakes but Seth could understand why. His father’s abandonment had left him hungry for success, but Lena’s neglect and constant inferior comparison to her super-siblings had left her hungry for approval, for love. That gnawing desire to be needed. And yeah, Seth understood Lena’s need for parental approval or support. She was right. In the heart of every kid, that desire would always have a root. Even grown-up kids. Hadn’t he, even in a tiny part of his heart, wanted that? He’d wanted it from his father and it was too late now. Didn’t he want his mum to take what he offered her—even just the damn money so he could feel as if he supported her and was somehow of use? So much for his supposed emotional independence.