Not What I Expected

“Was it just once? Like a drunk mistake?”

“Kael?” I asked for clarification. I knew what she meant, but I needed to buy a few extra seconds to respond.

Tell her the truth.

Amie’s words jumped to the front of my mind. I avoided answering the love question because I really didn’t know how to answer it. Or maybe I did, I just couldn’t put my heart through verbally acknowledging it.

“It was more than once. And we were sober.”

“Mom …” Her face soured again. “Whose idea was it?”

I rolled my eyes on a slight chuckle. “It was mutual.”

“Was it here? God … tell me it wasn’t here.”

“Bella,” I stroked her hair. “This is clearly distressing to you. And it shouldn’t be. It’s over.”

Okay, my heart definitely felt that. I had to take a hard swallow to let that truth slide past said heart.

“So …” I continued. “There’s no need to talk about it. If I recall correctly, you don’t like talking about sex with me.”

She nodded a half dozen times. “You’re right. I don’t want to know. Like … ever. And I’m never going into his store again.”

“Good call.”

Curling her hair behind her ears, she headed toward the stairs. “Mom?”

“Yeah?”

She drummed her fingernails on the railing a few times with a sheepish grin on her lips. “Maybe just one sex question.”

I braced for it and cleared my throat. “Anything.”

“At your age, is it still…” she scraped her teeth along her top lip several times “…good?”

Restraining my full grin, I replied softly, “Yes.”

Rubbing her lips together, she nodded some more. “Okay.” After climbing two more steps, she stopped. “One more. Then I’ll be done. Promise.”

I slid my fingers in the back pockets of my jeans. “Ask away.”

“Do you think you’ll fall in love again? The kind of love you felt for Dad when you first fell in love with him?”

That girl … she knew how to wring all the emotions from me. “That would be amazing, wouldn’t it?”

“You deserve it. I mean … not until I’m out of Epperly, but someday you should open your heart to fall in love again.”

I smiled. “Thanks. Your blessing means a lot.”

Her grin doubled and she finished making her way up the stairs without asking any more questions.Bella didn’t stay for dinner, so I ate alone and focused on how awesome it was to be alone. I had a lot of alone time on my calendar. In fact, I had a good five months until she graduated. Five months of sitting at home with Meadow, quilting, reading, taking walks, and not thinking about my physical needs.

I could do it.

I pretty much did it for the last few years of my marriage.

After dinner, I took Meadow for a walk in the dark because I didn’t care to be seen out and about in the light of day. Not yet.

Maybe it was by chance or maybe it was subconsciously intentional, but I found myself standing in front of Kael’s house all decorated in holiday lights. Making a quick glance around for peering eyes, I hurried up his walk and knocked on his front door.

A few seconds later, he opened it, making a quick inspection of Meadow before eyeing me with a curled lip expression.

“What’s the damage?”

His eyes narrowed a fraction.

“At your store. I broke a lot of bottles behind your register. What do I owe you?”

He nodded slowly. “Is that why you’re here? To write me a check?”

“No. I don’t have my checkbook. I was just in the area, and I thought I’d stop by and ask so I can get you a check tomorrow.”

“Do you want to come inside?”

“Why? Do you have to add up the total?”

“No. I just don’t think that’s why you’re here. So I assume you want to come inside.”

“I don’t. We’re over. This isn’t a booty call.”

“I didn’t figure.” He nodded toward Meadow. “Booty calls don’t usually involve dogs. And why exactly are we over?” He cocked his head to the side.

“Because you had to make a big display, and now the whole town knows.”

“Fuck the town.”

“I can’t. My daughter is in high school. And she deserves better than her mom fucking the new guy or the whole town for that matter. My selfishness took her dad away almost a year ago. I’m not going to make the rest of her senior year a miserable experience because everyone’s talking about her mom screwing a guy who is twelve years younger than me and twelve years older than my daughter.”

A line of concern formed along the bridge of his nose. “That sucks. I’m sorry. It’s…” he nodded behind him “…okay for you to step inside. It’s cold. And to my knowledge, no one is spying on my house.”

I looked around and stepped inside, against my better judgment. But if I were being honest, all of my judgment by that point was bad.