A Billionaire for Christmas

Which makes her plant her hands on her hips and huff, “She has ruined everything,” as she stomps her foot.

“OK,” I say, putting up my hands. “Calm down. Tell me what the hell just happened.”

“She told Kraken Karen she can plan my wedding, Jesse! She’s some hotshot wedding planner! And”—she stops to suck in a deep breath—“aaaaaand! My maid of honor!”

“What?” I laugh. I can’t help it.

“It’s not funny!”

“Why would she do that?”

“Because apparently, my mother’s delusional mind thinks we’re best friends. And Karen just came over to me to say thank you for the invite and she really appreciates my business! I have to pay her! Pay her, Jesse! And she’s so excited about the announcement that went out in the paper today! Today, Jesse! She had it announced today!”

“So we can like… unannounce it, right? She’s not gonna plan our wedding. We didn’t sign any contract with her. And she can’t be your maid of honor. Mila, or Natalie, or Hannah already has that spot, right?”

“Right! Those girls are my best friends. Not stupid Kraken Karen! But that’s not even the worst part. My mother already had her start planning the whole thing. Look!” She thrusts the paper she’s still holding at me.

And sure enough, there is a very succinct headline that explains the entire débâcle.

Local Girl to Wed Baby Boston in a Special Dumas Street Event May twenty-fifth.

“Damn.” Then I squint my eyes. “Did we set…”

“No! No! We did not set a date yet! And we are not getting married in some street festival! But my mother has made all the arrangements! Look at the subheading!”

I don’t want to. I really don’t. And I’m just about to toss the paper so I don’t have to when Emma begins reading it aloud. “‘Exclusive pictures of the custom Vera Wang dress, interview with bridesmaid and wedding planner Karen Krakken Channing, and an inside look at the menu!’”

I have to cover my mouth so I don’t laugh.

“It’s not funny! It’s my wedding!”

“I’m not laughing about that, Ems. It’s just… Chauncey Channing? What the fuck?”

She looks at me for a moment, so angry. And then her rage breaks and she laughs too. “I know, right? Like who the fuck names their kids Chance and Chauncey Channing?”

I reach for her, pull her in close, and hug her tight. “I get it, Emma. It’s your wedding. And it’s your day. And you should have everything you want, just the way you want it. And you will. Don’t worry. You will.”

“I won’t!” She pulls back a little. “She’s ruined it all!”

“So? We can just… undo it. What kind of dress do you want?”

“I don’t know yet! It’s a big decision. I need time to just think, ya know? But I want to be the one to choose the dress. And I want us to be the ones to taste the wedding cake. And I want us to have the damn ceremony wherever we want! Maybe we want to get married in the city? Did she ever think of that? Maybe we want to get married in the Bossy, for fuck’s sake! You should have some say in this, right?”

“The Bossy? You’re just ranting now, right?”

“Yes. I’m ranting. But would it be so bad if we got married somewhere that’s important to you?”

“That place… it’s not important, Emma.”

“God, you’re as delusional as my mother. Of course it’s important! You grew up there! It’s your home!”

“It’s not a home. It’s an office building.”

She points her finger at me. “Ya know, for a guy who told his badass brother just last night that Christmas isn’t about church, just twenty-four hours later you can’t grasp the irony of you telling me that a home can’t be an office building.”

“OK.” I sigh. “Let’s take a deep breath and just… calm down.”

“Calm down!”

But then the gate opens and Emma whirls, ready to throw down if the interloper happens to be Karen Krakken Channing.

I chuckle again. Because my God, that name.

But it’s not Karen. It’s just Miles.

“Is everything all right, ma’am?”

“Oh, Miles. I’m so sorry you had to see all that. Yes, I’m fine. Or I will be once we cancel the wedding and make another announcement in the paper that the whole thing is off.”

Miles shoots me a look of What the hell is she talking about?

“Forget it,” I tell Miles. “She’s just upset because Silvia asked Kraken Karen to plan the wedding and be her bridesmaid.”

“Ah,” Miles says, understanding. “Well…” Then he laughs. “You could always just elope to Vegas with us tonight and do it your way.”

Miles and I have a good laugh about that. ‘Yeah. That’s a great idea, Miles. We’ll just elope tonight and get married in Vegas!”

But Emma is not laughing.

“He’s kidding, babe. And so am I.”

“I was joking, ma’am. I apologize. This is no time for jokes.”