Hello Stranger

I arrived at the double doors to Franklin Ward and I sucked in a breath through my nose and I made myself do it. I made myself walk inside.

And there he was. Dr Hall. Standing there at the ward reception, pointing at a screen with a girl sitting behind it.

He was as beautiful as I’d ever seen him. Beautiful enough to take the breath I’d just sucked in through my nose.

I stood still until he saw me, and then I took another breath and cleared my throat as I stepped on up. And I dunno what I was expecting. Some singsong of angelic fortune and destiny blowing trumpets through the world, making him grab me with open arms or whatever. But no. The whole thing shrivelled in a fart.

“Can I help you?” he said, and his tone was as flat as they come.

We stood. Staring.

The girl on reception sat. Smiling.

And I was a fool. A stupid fool that felt like the biggest fool for ever thinking of coming over here.

“I, um…” I stumbled. “I’m Chloe Sutton, and I’m, um… starting here… soon… on this ward…”

He was cool as a cucumber. “Yes,” he said. “Replacing Gina Salzaki.” He pointed along the ward. “You’ll find her along there if you want to introduce herself. Just please don’t distract her from her shift.”

“Thanks,” I said, and I was a clutz again, a stupid clutz.

I forced myself to keep walking, like he thought for a second I was really there to see her, and like I thought for a second that he thought I thought it. Whatever. Yeah, it was clutzy.

Gina Salzaki was at a bedside, and she looked so kind as she held someone’s hand.

I pictured that as me in a few days’ time, holding hands and helping people find their peace, but the whole thing felt weird now. Everything about life felt weird.

I hovered outside the room, being sure to keep my attention away from what was unfolding in there, scoping out the rest of the ward and no doubt burning up at the cheeks. I tried to pretend my attention wasn’t on him as he walked up the corridor. I tried to pretend I was the coolest chick in town, who’d barely even noticed he was the guy from the train I was crazy about, but it was a joke, and we both knew it.

He flashed me the tiniest hint of a smile and held a hand up, and it looked strange with his paperwork in his hands and not his paperback. It looked strange with him under hospital lighting, so bright and cold.

And then he stepped on past me, and it was easy to look at him then. So much easier to watch him walk away than meet his eyes. Which is when I realised I’d never seen him from behind before. No once, not ever.

I’d never seen how the flick of his hair at the front turned into a patchwork of a pattern from behind. A dotting of flesh between salt and pepper grey. Skin so pale, and such a contrast against the darkness of his hair.

So striking. So unique.

Alopecia.

Dr Hall had alopecia.

With that, Gina cleared her throat to get my attention, and I turned to face her, as wide-eyed as I’d been all day.

“Can I help you?” she asked, and I nodded.

“I’m, um… Chloe… Chloe Sutton…”

Her smile was amazing. “Chloe! Pleased to meet you!”

She beckoned me along the corridor, in the direction of Dr Hall, and I was edgy every step as she told me about how great the ward is, and how much I’m going to love it, even though it can get really hard.

I nodded. Dumb.

I felt dumb.

“Dr Hall is amazing,” she told me. “Seriously, he’s amazing. Quiet and… intense. But amazing.”

I nodded. Dumb.

“I’ll introduce you,” she told me, and with that she was already pushing into the office, and presenting the man who’d consumed my world, clearly not having a clue of the fact he’d been the one to point me to her just a few minutes previous.

“This is Chloe Sutton,” she said to him. “She’s replacing me.”

“Yes,” he said. “I know.”

We stared.

Awkward. I was awkward.

He was… nothing.

He smiled the most professional smile, with his pen paused over his papers, and Gina grinned away quite happily, seemingly oblivious to the whole thing, until the seconds ticked and tocked and she realised there was something weird going down.

“Well, I’ll, um… show Chloe around, shall I?” she asked him, and he nodded.

“Please do,” he said. “Welcome to the team, Chloe.”

But I didn’t feel welcome. I felt like an idiot. A stupid idiot with a crush I couldn’t contain. Not anymore. And holy fucking shit. Seriously. I opened my mouth and the words came, they just fucking came.

“Thanks for having me.”

Thanks for having me? That was it? That was actually it?