Except Kai, he’d never been a friend and never would be.
“What do you want with me?” I directed my question at Deck.
“I want you to get help.”
“I don’t want help,” I retorted.
“You don’t even know what I’m asking.”
“Don’t give a fuck. Help involves strangers I don’t trust. It’s not happening.” I kept my feet braced in case he made a move. “Stop searching for me. And stop using Alina to get to me.”
I glanced at Alina. She looked fragile standing with Deck and Vic, but I knew better than anyone that she wasn’t. I still had the urge to drag her from between them and put her on my bike and leave, to drive away and not come back. I was sure I wouldn’t get close enough to her. I was good, but two ex-JTF2 and one ex-Vault, there was no chance I’d escape with her.
“Can’t do that,” he replied. “You want to see Alina, then you see a doctor. Otherwise, you won’t get near her again,” Deck said while crossing his arms and meeting my stare as if daring me to do something.
“Is that a threat?” I ground out, fury boiling.
He’d always been an arrogant bastard, but we were friends because there was no bullshit with him. Honest and direct and every word out of his mouth he’d follow through with, and he could back up his words.
Deck shrugged. “No. It’s just how things will go from here on in.”
I was good, but not good enough if Deck had a man on her, and not just the prick Deaglan casually watching. There’d be one of them living with her and I was betting it would be Vic. He was making it clear that I had two choices: get help or fuck off.
The idea of leaving Alina was like a wool blanket slowly being pulled up over my head getting tighter and tighter. Did I have a choice?
“Connor,” Alina’s voice was soft and barely audible, “please.”
Even from across the room, I saw the tears in her eyes. Damn it, why couldn’t Deck just let it go? Because I’d fucked up. I’d dragged her out of a bar and destroyed her kitchen.
There was only one outcome here and from Alina’s tears, she knew it, too. Leave. Because I wasn’t seeing a doctor and being drugged and locked up again.
“You have anything else to say to me?” I asked Deck.
His eyes narrowed. I wondered if he was debating whether to take me down or let me walk out of here. I was confident he’d let me walk away, but then again, Deck had a damn good poker face.
I wouldn’t kill him if he came at me. There were sane parts of me left and Deck standing in front of me brought back memories of the laughter we shared, the closeness, and the willingness to do whatever it took to protect one another. I hadn’t felt that the last time I’d seen him, but my emotions were constantly changing, except those for Alina. They stayed solid and helped calm me.
“I have a hell of a lot to say, Connor, but I don’t think you’ll listen right now, so I’ll save my breath.” He was right. “I can tell you’ve already made your decision.”
Right again. Alina swayed and Vic’s hand on her arm tightened as he held her steady.
Our eyes met and I said softly, “I have to leave, baby.”
She tried to pull from Vic and everything inside me tightened when he refused to let her go. The urge to grab her away from him pulsed through me and if I didn’t get out of the room fast, someone was going to end up hurt.
She bit her lip and tears streamed down her cheeks. Fuck, I hated this and it was stupid of me to come back in the first place. I was better off starting over someplace without a past haunting me. “This was always supposed to be temporary.” I repeated her words from the note she’d left me so long ago. It was cruel, but necessary. Easier for her to forget me if I left this way.
“Connor,” she cried. “Don’t do this.”
Her ragged words bore a hole into my heart, and for a second I considered the consequences if I stayed. No. There were too many unknowns.
Would I be locked up? And if I wasn’t, then would I go too far one day and hurt her. We’d been toying with that every time I was close to her.
The risk was not mine, it was hers.
Deck stepped toward me. “Connor, just see a doctor. Then we can decide how to proceed.” I slowly shook my head in warning when he was five feet from me. He stopped. “You can’t run from this. I know you care about Alina and your sister and parents—”
“I’m not running. I’m surviving. This is how I survive.” I directed my eyes to Alina, but kept Deck in my peripheral vision. “Need you to be safe, Alina. That’s all I want for you.”