THE WARM WATER ran over my skin like a heated silk sheet then pooled at my feet. I leaned up against the tiled wall and closed my eyes, his words repeating over and over in my head.
Telling the truth wasn’t so simple. Never would be and yet …
The bathroom door opened.
I forced myself to remain still as Deck walked in.
I swallowed then licked my lips as my heart began to pound. He leaned against the counter, crossing his arms with his head tilted slightly down as if he were looking at his feet. Unusual for Deck; he met everything head-on without hesitation.
The water hit my breasts and my nipples hardened. Between my legs fluttered with tingles and I knew if I touched myself, I’d feel the slick moisture of what Deck did to me without a single touch.
I did the only thing I was comfortable doing when in a situation which made me uneasy—I used my sass. “You going to stand there or join me?” I was a little surprised that even through the fogged door, I saw his jaw clench.
“You’ve been lying to me.”
I froze for a second, swallowed then picked up the shampoo bottle and pretended to be unconcerned as I squirted the coconut-smelling liquid into my hand. “Jesus, Deck, are you really going to bring this up while I’m in the shower naked with you standing two feet away?”
I closed my eyes and began massaging my head.
The shower door opened and suddenly he was standing a foot away. “What the fuck is going on?”
Now, this was the Deck I expected, yet I was still unprepared, especially naked in the shower with soap all over me. Maybe the sass hadn’t been a good idea.
I was uncertain what he knew, didn’t know what lies he was referring to. There were so many I didn’t even know myself what part of me was the truth and what wasn’t. But revealing any of the truths had consequences—he warned me, and I’d known the rules when it all began. At the time, I never thought Deck was coming back.
His gaze trailed down my naked, glistening body and I felt as if it were his fingertips. Goosebumps bristled and my knees weakened. Our eyes met, and I recognized the desire in the depths of his.
I wanted him so badly it was pathetic, and I hated myself for it. We stared at one another for several seconds; the only sound was the water peppering my flushed skin.
He stepped under the spray and blocked it from hitting me as he came in close, stopping only when his jean-clad thighs brushed against mine. I glanced down at his bare feet and then slowly back up again. He was watching me. And it was taking every part of my strength to deny him.
“Deck …”
“No.” His hands came down on my shoulders and his fingers tightened. I winced under the pressure. “When you open your mouth, I want the words explaining why the fuck you’re not currently shaking and trembling and going through withdrawal.”
Shit. I’d been so freaked out over the purge, then the hospital and the dream that I hadn’t even considered the reality that Deck would realize my drinking had been a lie. I’d thought he’d been referring to the cuts on my body. But after no drinking for over thirty hours … an alcoholic would have withdrawal symptoms, the shakes being one of them.
I opened my mouth to deny, to make up some shit story I knew he’d see right through, but I had nothing. I couldn’t even begin to figure out a story that would remotely explain except for the truth, and I couldn’t give him what he wanted. What I wanted.
He slammed his fist into the tiled wall above my head. The look on his face was one I’d never seen before—ravaged. “Damn it. Talk to me.”
Oh, God. I wanted so desperately to tell him everything. I was cracking and yet I had nothing to give him. I couldn’t. It could kill him, and I’d never take that chance. It was all I had to give him.
Water dripped down his face, clothes soaking-wet, lips tight and yet in his eyes, I saw hurt. He was wounded and that was worse than the disappointment and the anger.
I didn’t care what happened to me; I was past that. What I cared about was the threat to Deck, because it was real. It had been pounded into my head since I was sixteen what would happen if I ever told anyone. Then when Deck came back, it was reiterated specifically for Deck. And he was the one person in this world I knew was capable of killing Deck. “Don’t ask me. Please.”
“Christ.” He pushed off from the wall and turned to leave. I reached for him; I didn’t know why. I should’ve let him go, but I needed him. I always did and now more than ever because I was crumbling. It wasn’t fair what I was doing to him, but I’d found out real young that life wasn’t fair and you had to suck it up and do what needed to be done to keep those you love safe.