Confessions of a Litigation God

He never chastised me, condescended, or made me feel like my errors in judgment were born of idiocy. He merely listened to everything I had to say, and then he said the words that have had me contemplating all day.

He had said, “In my opinion, unaccomplished people only consider the risks, not the rewards. ”

It was a bold statement by my father, meant to slap me with reality and make me remember some very important things about myself.

Then my dad said even more important words. He said, “Son… you are not an unaccomplished man. ”

I am not an unaccomplished man.

I have succeeded over and over again, sometimes against great adversity. And yet, when it came to Mac, I’ve been so focused on being fearful of the risks, that I never really thought about how f**king great the rewards could be. I never let my desire to have Mac drive me forward. I never let it push me to seek that which I desired most.

So very strange, because seeking reward is the very crux of my career. It’s what drives me to be the very best attorney I can be for my clients. Because I’m striving for that reward… which is justice… and it is beyond motivating.

I feel like ten times the fool for letting my own fears get in the way of my own drive and determination.

But no more.

I’m taking back what is mine, and Mac Dawson is mine.

There is one more thing that needs to be done though, before I can seek Mac out.

I walk to the receptionist desk and give a curt smile to the regal-looking woman sitting behind it. She peers at me over the rims of tortoiseshell, cat’s-eye glasses.

“I’d like to see Cal Carson,” I tell her firmly.

“Do you have an appointment?” she asks pleasantly.

“No, but buzz him… tell him Matt Connover is here to see him. ”

I’m not sure if the woman recognizes my name, or the tone of my voice brooks no nonsense, but she nods and does as I ask. After a few murmured words into the phone, she turns to me and says, “Mr. Carson will be right up. ”

I don’t bother sitting on one of the plush leather chairs scattered throughout the lobby, because if I know Cal, and I believe I do, he’ll be up quickly.

“Matt?” I hear from behind me, and turn to see Cal standing there looking at me with worry. “Is Mac alright?”

The concern in his voice is touching… truly. I think he’s going to be a very good friend to Mac in the future, and that makes me grateful. “She’s fine. ”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“I was hoping we could talk,” I tell him as I stick my hands in my pocket, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet.

Cal just stares at me blankly, because I’m sure what I just said was probably as shocking as if I had said, “Cal, I’m a transgendered werewolf that wants to enter the priesthood and I need your help”.

Finally, Cal gives a little shake of his head and nods. “Let’s just go in this conference room right here. ” He motions with his hand to a door off the lobby.

I follow him in, noting that his spine is ramrod straight, his shoulders stiff. His brain must be short-circuiting right now, trying to figure out what I want.

When he takes a seat at the end of the long, rectangular table, I take the one to his left and lean back casually. Cal doesn’t relax a bit, putting both forearms on the table and his hands clasped so tightly that his knuckles are white.

I take a moment to study his face… one I’ve looked at hundreds of times over the years, mostly in friendship, lately only in hate. I used to trust him with my life, and that will never be regained. But I think I might have some room to possibly try to understand him.

“Mac told me some details about that night. She urged me to learn the entire truth, and she thinks I need to forgive you. ”

Cal’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Do you think you need to forgive me?”

“Yes,” I tell him simply, watching as he jerks in his seat and his jaw drops in disbelief.

And I do.

Need to forgive him, that is.

If I’m going to truly open myself up to Mac, I have got to let it all go. The hate, the bitterness, the regrets. I have no room for it if I’m going to give one-hundred percent to Mac. I have to get rid of it because I don’t want any of it to taint what I have with her.

“You want to forgive me?” he asks, still incredulous.

“I want you to tell me what happened with Marissa,” I tell him with a hard glint in my eye. “Then I want to forgive you. ”

Cal takes in a deep breath and lets it out with a stuttering quality of gratefulness. “Okay. ”

“I don’t need the details… I just need to know your involvement,” I say quietly.

He nods in understanding. “First, you need to know. I was wrong. It was my fault. ”

I hold up a hand and stop him. “I’ve heard that from you already. But I want to know the part where you realized it was wrong. ”

Cal hangs his head in shame. “I knew it was wrong from the start… at least, I think a part of me did. ”

“But you didn’t initiate it,” I prompt him urgently, because he’s not giving me what I want. He’s still stuck on the liability when I need him to focus on the absolution.

“No,” he says quietly. “Marissa crawled into bed with me. I was passed out, I think… I came to and she was…”