Not one fucking day.
Because that would make him feel like a failure more than he already did.
One day he also hoped his son realized how much Judge loved him and wanted to be his father. How it wasn’t his choice to be separated. One day Judge hoped Ry gave him a chance to get to know him.
One day.
Once that damn evil bitch was no longer controlling his son’s life.
He just hoped by then it wasn’t too late.
She tugged gently on his beard, pulling his face and his attention toward her. “Why don’t you see him?”
His jaw shifted and he beat back his anger, so it didn’t spill onto the woman in his arms. “His mother won’t let me.”
Her blue eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, let you? Did you fight for visitation?”
“Sure as fuck did. Got it, too. Then she fuckin’ bolted.”
Because he didn’t love Jen, she felt the need to hurt him by stealing his son. She was too stupid to admit, by taking Ry from him, she was hurting their son, too.
She didn’t care because she was petty. She hated Judge and wanted to do anything and everything she could to make his ass suffer.
But separating a man from his child for no good reason should be inexcusable. If she wanted to hurt him, she should’ve found another way.
“Why?”
“To fuck with me.”
“Why?”
“She was pissed, so she used my son to get back at me.”
“For what?”
He blew out a breath. “It’s a long fuckin’ story, Cass.” One he didn’t really want to tell. He had been relaxed, had a hot as fuck woman in his arms, had empty balls and was now tired.
He also needed to get up and get on the road early.
What he didn’t need to do was relive his personal hell.
The only people who knew the whole story was his aunt and Deke because they lived through the bullshit with him. Everybody else who asked, he told to fuck off.
“I want to know.”
And here was this woman he was thinking about making a future with—even if she didn’t know it yet—asking him to rip off that fucking scab and bleed once more.
Yeah, she had no fucking clue what she was demanding, so he couldn’t be pissed at her about it. He also couldn’t tell her to fuck off. Not if he didn’t want her to crumple up that possible future into a ball and toss it in the trash can.
So, yeah, he needed to decide how much he would tell her, if anything.
But if whatever was between them was more than a casual thing, if this went somewhere more than just a few orgasms, she would have to know anyway.
She would also need to know why it all happened. How he fucked up and how he failed his marriage and his son. Because maybe that shit wouldn’t sit right with her.
Maybe what he revealed would make her look at him differently.
Maybe she wouldn’t want him around her daughter.
Maybe she wouldn’t even want to stick in Manning Grove.
Worse, maybe she only wanted him for his dick and nothing more. Just like men, not every woman wanted something other than sex.
He was one of those men. Not once had he been with someone where he wanted anything more.
Not even Ry’s mother.
Which was why every time he had hooked up with Jen, he wore a wrap. Every fucking time. So, when she came up pregnant, he doubted the kid was his.
She insisted it was.
Turned out she was right.
Judge also figured out Jen had trapped him because he didn’t want to commit to her. She had poked holes in the fucking wraps she kept in her bedroom.
Goddamn holes.
That was why he now always used his own. That was why he still used wraps even when a woman insisted she had birth control “covered.”
Never fucking again.
He didn’t want a kid with Jen. Hell, he didn’t even want anything long term with her. He had always been up front about that and never let her believe anything different.
“Even though it wasn’t what I wanted, I was determined to do a better job at it than my parents. There was no way I was gonna desert my kid, there was no way I wanted him to think he wasn’t wanted.”
“When did you find out?”
“When it was too late. She waited to tell me on purpose.”
“Damn. She had a plan,” Cassie whispered.
“Yeah, she had a fuckin’ plan. But you can’t force someone to love you. And that’s where her plan failed. But I also failed when I fucked up, pissed her off and ended up not bein’ a better parent than Ox or Trixie.”
“You still haven’t said how you fucked up, Judge.”
“Never shoulda married her. Another mistake after the wrap shit. Don’t like bein’ forced to do shit. Was forced, was pissed, and besides that piece of paper legally bindin’ us, really wanted nothin’ to do with her. Marriage was rotten from the start. No fuckin’ sex ‘cause I hated her for doin’ what she did. No relationship existed at all.”