Her chest rose and fell slowly under her baggy T-shirt. “And now... I need to move on.”
Yeah, she knew how to wield that fucking knife. “Feel nothin’ for me, Jem?”
Her mouth opened and a rush of air escaped. “Sure. I have no doubt you’ll be a great dad. You are a great dad already, Chris. You’ll be fine without me.”
“Not what I meant.”
“I know what you meant. But that’s my answer.”
“Won’t admit that your heart’s beatin’ so hard right now I can see it poundin’ in your throat. Wanna feel that with my mouth, my tongue, Jem. Want to spread you wide on my bed and bury my face between your thighs. Wanna taste you. Kiss you. Make you come like you did that night in the rain, against the wall in the shed. Wanna give you new memories to chase out the old.”
“You think you can do that,” she breathed.
He shifted even closer, keeping her hand trapped against his chest. “Know I can. But you gotta give me that chance. You need to remember the good times. With your real family, not Ox and Trixie. In your aunt and uncle’s home, not at the warehouse. The time you had with Walt. With Lottie. With your brother and cousin. And now here with me. With Dyna. Here you’re surrounded by family who will love and protect you better than Ox and Trixie or any of the Originals ever fuckin’ did.”
“I don’t do casual.”
She kept looking for a goddamn excuse to push him away. To protect herself.
“Nobody said shit about casual.”
“It can’t be anything more.”
“The fuck it can’t. You just won’t let it.”
“Not won’t, Chris. Can’t.”
“Bull-fuckin-shit. Jem, you’re strong as fuck. You ain’t scared of shit.”
“I’m scared of this.”
“Yeah, well... you ain’t the only one. But I wanna try. Just need you to try, too.”
“I’m not sure what you’re asking of me.”
She fucking knew. But he’d give her that. For now. “Just give me a chance ‘til you get a job offer. That’s all I’m askin’.”
“Judge...”
Fuck Judge. He managed to bite that back. “Ain’t gonna tell him shit. What we do’s our fuckin’ business. This way when,” if, “you go, there won’t be any shit from them. We go on livin’ our life like it never happened.” Lies. “No harm. No foul.” More lies. He squeezed her hand. “Now, I’m done askin’, now you gotta answer.”
Silence stretched between them. And he waited. He wouldn’t say anything else. It had to be her decision on where they took it from here.
Though, for fuck’s sake, the wait was killing him.
She didn’t avoid his gaze, she kept her eyes locked on his. And he heard a clock ticking loudly in his head.
Tick... tick... tick...
Five seconds. Ten seconds. Thirty seconds.
If she turned him away, he was done. He never begged a woman for shit. He never would again. He wanted Jemma but he also wanted to keep his fucking pride. If she said no, she would damage it, but he’d live.
He had a baby girl to take care of, to provide for, he’d concentrate on that. Dyna would become the center of his fucking world.
His sole purpose for moving forward.
For being better. For doing better.
For staying out of jail. For getting the fuck up and going to work every day. For keeping patch whores out of his bed. For staying out of fights.
For no longer taking advantage of an innocent virgin. Especially one who didn’t know any better. Who got caught up in a moment that created a lifetime obligation.
He’d promise his daughter he could be better for her. But if it was up to him, if she let it, he’d do it for Jemma, too.
They both belonged to him. His to protect, his to care for.
His.
A pressure built in his chest and caused an ache only Jemma could cure.
Tick... tick... tick...
One minute...
He couldn’t take much more.
She deflated before his eyes. The air releasing from a balloon. All the tension held within her shoulders disappeared.
She continued to stare at him but said nothing.
“Say somethin’, Jem.” Fuckin’ anythin’, just put me out of my fuckin’ misery.
“I...”
He hung on that one single fucking letter.
“I...”
Jesus fuck.
“I’ll give it to you until I leave.”
He blinked. What? He wanted it so badly, he imagined it, right? “What?”
“Until I leave. You have until then.”
In truth, he wasn’t expecting her to agree. He expected her to fight it until the very end. She was Ox’s daughter, she had his stubborn blood running through her veins.
But she was giving him a chance, which to him meant he got his chance to convince her to stay. That’s what he wanted. He just wanted her to give him that opportunity.
Now he had it, he couldn’t fuck it up.
Chapter Eighteen
The bell above the door jingled when Teddy held it open for her. Jemma maneuvered the stroller out onto the sidewalk in front of Manes on Main. The hairdresser with a flair for the dramatic followed her out.