The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless 8)

Even if it did, I wouldn’t take him back. Maybe someday Derek will be in a good place again and he’ll find someone.

But it won’t be you. We want it to be you.

Ugh, she was just making this harder. Trust me, I wanted it to be me too…but it’s not.

9

Derek

When I woke up on Sunday, she was still there.

Couldn’t even remember her name.

She was passed out so hard, she didn’t feel me leave the bed.

I pulled on my sweatpants then walked into the kitchen to get the coffee going. I had a headache behind my eyes from all the booze last night, so I popped a few pills and got an early start before it turned into a migraine.

My phone lit up with a text from my dad. Are you still coming tonight, Derek?

“Fuck.” I totally forgot. I wasn’t sure when I would be able to get rid of what’s-her-name and get my day started. I needed to work on the revisions for the rover that NASA sent back on Friday afternoon. Rain check?

Derek. I could hear his tone just in the text message. You’re coming tonight. That’s final.

It was out of character for him to talk that way, even if he was angry. Everything about it was weird. Everything alright?

He never texted me back.

Dad?

I was supposed to come for dinner, but I showered and got ready and then headed over there straightaway. I didn’t even wake up what’s-her-name and ask her to leave. I just left her there and headed to my parents’ a few blocks away.

With dread in my heart and a tremor in my hands, I knocked on the door.

It took a few minutes for my dad to answer.

He pulled the door open and looked at me with a stony expression, his face tight, like he was clenching every muscle in his body to give him that look of consternation. Wordlessly, he opened the door wider and stepped back so I could come inside.

I moved into the condo but quickly turned around to look at him. “Dad?”

He moved his hand to my arm and guided me to the couch.

Mom was sitting there. She gave me a slight smile, but her eyes were empty…which wasn’t like her.

Dad sat beside her and grabbed her hand. He held it on her thigh.

I fell into the armchair and stared at them, feeling the tense energy in the room, the despair…the fear. It wasn’t the happy home where I grew up. Everything was different. It was darker, like a thick cloud had permanently covered the sun. I started to breathe hard, feeling the terror grip me by the chest, the acid burn in my stomach because so much cortisol dripped into my bloodstream. “Dad…?” I couldn’t even finish the sentence because it was too hard. The effort broke me.

He stared at her hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

Mom dropped her gaze and didn’t look at me…like she couldn’t.

Dad cleared his throat then turned to me, the pained expression on his face unmistakable. “Your mother has cancer.”

I couldn’t remember how I got into the hallway.

I blinked, and then I was outside, in the long and silent hallway. My vision blurry not from tears, but adrenaline, fear, despair. I was aware of my breathing.

In. Out. In. Out.

In. In. In. Out. Out. Out.

In-out-in-out-in-out-in-out.

I braced myself with my palm against the wall as I hyperventilated, as I descended into manic hysteria, as I lost all strength as my body gave out, as I suddenly broke down into tears and heaved as I placed my forehead against the wall and shook violently, no longer in control of the body I’d in charge of my entire life.

The door opened, and someone came.

A hand was pressed to my back, gentle and loving, innately warm. “Honey.”

I cried harder when I heard her voice, heard her try to comfort me…when she was the one who had fucking cancer.

“Honey.” Her voice was strong, her hands strong, everything about her strong. She gently turned me toward her. “Listen to me.”

“Mom…” I looked at her, barely able to see her because tears blurred my vision. “No…no…no…I can’t do this.”

“Shh…” She cupped my face and looked into my gaze. “I know this is hard, but you can do this. You can’t run away from this one. I need you to be here, with us, right now.”

“Mom, I love you so much.” I straightened as I placed my hands over her wrists and squeezed her. “I love you… I can’t… This isn’t fair. You don’t deserve this.”

“Shh…” Her thumbs rubbed against my cheeks, catching my tears. “It’s going to be okay. I will beat this. But I need you to be there for your father. He puts up a strong front for me, but I know he’s falling apart. I need you to do that for me.”