I let out a deep sigh of relief. As long as we had hope, that’s what mattered.
Hope.
That was the word I was going to tether myself to.
WE WERE AT the hospital waiting room while Anne was getting her MRI. Nikola sat beside me with a blank look on her face. I’d canceled all our plans last night, and we’d slept over at Anne’s house instead—or attempted to. Nikola had cried all night, and I’d done the only thing I could to help—I held her.
“Can I get you anything, baby?”
She shook her head. “No, I couldn’t eat or drink anything even if I wanted to.”
I stretched my legs as I held Nikola. We’d been sitting here for about two hours. The antiseptic smell of the hospital always reminded me of when I’d broken my leg as a kid. I’d fallen out of the tree house that I’d built with my brother and my dad.
My phone vibrated, and it was my mum. We were supposed to go to her house last night for dinner. Afterward, I’d planned to take Nikola away for the weekend, up to the cabin we’d stayed in at Stone Mountain. Nikola had called me in tears, and I’d rushed to the doctor’s office instead.
Mum: I wanted to check on Nikola and you. I’m glad you’re there for her. She’s going to need you. Hopefully, the results will come back and you’ll find out they can operate. Tell Nikola I love her.
Me: She’s as good as can be expected. I’ll tell her and keep you posted. She’s it for me. I’ll do whatever I need to help her through this.
I pulled Nikola closer and kissed the top of her head. She wrapped herself around me, holding me close. “Mum, says she loves you.”
“Tell her I love her, too. I hate that we had to miss dinner last night.” Nikola’s voice cracked.
I rubbed her arm, trying to soothe her. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure out another time.”
“Okay, that sounds good.”
From the doorway, two familiar faces came into view holding a cardboard tray full of coffee cups. Adam had texted earlier, asking if we needed anything. Even though I’d said we were fine, I knew they’d stop by to support us. Ainsley sat next to Nikola. Everyone looked tired. Late last night, I’d texted Adam with the news. He knew Anne, and he loved Nikola like a sister.
I took my coffee and said, “Thanks, guys.”
Nikola murmured her thanks and set her coffee on the table.
Ainsley hugged Nikola. “My mom and I are going to bring you guys some dinner tonight if that sounds okay,”
Ainsley sat back up and Nikola adjusted herself slightly so she wasn’t buried in my chest. “Thank you.”
Ainsley had been through a lot with her father. He’d beaten her mom for years before leaving her. The years of abuse had led to Ainsley’s mom having a breakdown. Luckily, she’d ended up getting help at a domestic abuse center. Unfortunately, shortly after, the deadbeat had shown up and nearly killed Ainsley’s mom. Fortunately, that fucker would rot in jail for the rest of his life.
Adam crouched in front of Nikola. He scrubbed a hand down his face and adjusted his leather jacket as he touched Nikola’s knee. “Let me know if you need anything. Ainsley and I are here for you.”
Ainsley chimed in, “I have Livingston completely covered. I’ll look over my email and make those additional changes we discussed.”
A cart rolled down the hall in front of the doorway. The sound of the wheels hitting the floor filled the quiet hospital.
Leaning her head against Ainsley, Nikola said, “You go ahead and send that email to Gavin. Give him a short message about my grandmother. Just be sure to include the seasonality lifts for spring cleaning in your numbers to justify the brighter color scheme we’re suggesting.”
I watched the exchange closely. Ainsley’s eyes lit up. “Really? Okay, I promise I won’t let you down.”
Nikola gave Ainsley a tired smile. “You’ve earned it, and you know this project as well as I do.”
The nurse came into the room. “Miss Kingston, would you please follow me? The doctor is ready to go over the results of the MRI.”
Nikola stood, and I followed. “Yes.” She gave Adam and Ainsley a quick hug. “Thanks you, guys. We’ll keep you updated.”
They nodded as we left the room, following the nurse. I had my arm around Nikola’s waist as she leaned into me. The only sound that filled the hallways was the rubber of the nurses’ shoes squeaking against the floor. This was the worst part about learning the results—the ominous march to the doors, knowing the doctor knew the answer. We didn’t say a word, but I knew we wanted to ask what the prognosis was. Please, let her be okay, I prayed Please. Nikola needs Anne.
We made it to the large doors and entered an exam room. Anne was dressed and sitting in a chair along the wall. The hospital bed sat untouched in the middle of the room with several machines that weren’t plugged in. For some reason, it felt like bad news hanging over us.
Dr. Grieger, whom I had met yesterday when I’d rushed to the hospital, sat on a roller stool a few feet away from Anne. Their expressions were unreadable, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. Nikola smiled, took a seat next to Anne, and grabbed her hands. When I sat next to Nikola, I got an uneasy feeling. Anne had a look of knowing about her, the way she sat back in her chair, watching Nikola closely rather than the doctor. I glanced at the doctor and all the attention was on Nikola. My first instinct was to stand and stop whatever was about to happen. It wasn’t good.
My heart pounded hard against my tightening chest. This was how I’d felt when I lost my dad. Please, let me be wrong. Please, I prayed. I glanced up at Anne and her blue eyes met mine. There was sadness in them. Shit. I nodded as I tightened my arm around Nikola’s shoulders. Anne cleared her throat.
She began to speak in a soothing voice, and I closed my eyes, hoping I’d wake from this terrible nightmare.
“Nikola, I asked Dr. Grieger to go over the results with me first,” Anne explained.
My eyes opened. Nikola started to speak, but Anne touched her cheek as the corner of her eyes began to fill with tears.
“The MRI shows the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes, spine, brain, and pretty much throughout my body,” Anne said.
I squeezed Nikola’s shoulders.
Nikola addressed the doctor. “But there’s chemo, right? We can use different therapies to go after the different cancers. I read about this last night. We’ll need to find which is worst and go after it first.”
The doctor gave Nikola a sad smile. Anne continued speaking. This had been rehearsed, I was sure of it.
“Nikola, I have decided to not undergo any type of treatment.”
Nikola shook her head. “No! No! No! We can fight this. We don’t want to give up.” She turned to the doctor, desperate. “Please, say you have an experimental drug to use. Something. We can’t give up.”
The doctor gave a sympathetic look as Anne started to speak, “Nikola—,”
Nikola kept staring at the doctor and my heart broke. Anne waited for Nikola to turn back to her. A tear slid down Anne’s cheek as she watched the granddaughter she loved fall apart.
Nikola turned to me. “Brandt, please. Please, talk to them. I’m begging. Help me.”
Tears were falling down her face. I spoke to her as my thumb caressed her cheek. “Baby, your Grandmama has something else to say. Let’s hear her out, okay? Let’s listen to what she’s thinking.”
The one person I would walk through fire for was hurting, and there was nothing I could do to take away the pain. Nikola turned back to Anne and leaned into me.
The doctor stood. “I’m going to give you guys a few minutes. I’ll be back.” He left without another word and quietly closed the door behind him.
Anne spoke after taking a breath. She touched a small, gold heart on a delicate, gold chain. She wore it all the time. It had been a gift from her husband years before.
Anne’s voice was soft. “Nikola, the cancer has spread everywhere. I asked what the treatments would be like, and the doctor said it would
be eight hours, several days a week, sitting in a chair getting chemotherapy. Plus, there would be radiation and mounds of drugs and monitoring for white blood cells and other various things. With the aggressive chemo I’d probably need, it would have side effects a mile long.”
“H-h-how l-l-long are t-they s-saying?”
Anne took a deep breath. “No one knows, but it is aggressive with how much it has spread.” Nikola started to protest and Anne held up her hand. “Sweetheart, this is hard for me, too. However, I would rather spend the rest of my days living my life to the fullest rather than hooked up to machines. I want quality, not quantity. Can you understand that? I know what I’m doing may seem selfish, but I don’t want you to remember me sick and miserable. I want you to remember me happy. They don’t know how long, but let’s make the most of what we’ve got.”
My heart broke. There wasn’t a silver lining in this situation. There was heartache and loss on the road ahead, with nothing I could do about it. Nikola’s hands were cradling her face as she sobbed. She was one of the strongest people I knew, but this was a devastating blow.
Anne looked at me and mouthed, She’s going to need you.
I nodded and mouthed back, “I’ll be there for her.”