“Yeah, that’s true, but they don’t do it in your face,” Pinky hissed, and I looked at her again.
“This is Nails,” Minnie said to Pinky.
“I don’t care,” Pinky shot back. “It is not cool.”
If I wasn’t in such a state, I would have been surprised Pinky had such a strong backbone.
Or, nothing against Pinky, she was sweetness personified and I really liked her, but a backbone at all.
“Actually, it isn’t. I’m surprised Buck would do it,” Lorie put in.
“Jesus, it’s fuckin’ Nails,” Minnie said to Lorie.
“Who’s Nails?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to know, just like any woman, I also did just for the opportunity to torture myself.
“Nails is Nails,” Minnie said to me, in other words, telling me nothing.
“Sorry?”
“She’s Buck’s,” Lorie explained. “Not like you’re Buck’s, but,” she shrugged, “she’s Buck’s.”
“He needs to get off, he makes a call, she traipses in,” Pinky explained.
Oh God.
I’d been shopping all day, learning how to look like a biker babe, and Buck had been spending the day, or part of it, screwing curvy, lush, dark-haired Nails.
Truly, at this juncture, the questions needed to be asked.
All of them.
Why?
Why did my life stink so much?
Why, whenever things seemed to be looking up for me, did they start stink, stink, stinking?
Putrid.
Foul.
Unbearable.
I closed my eyes and looked away but opened them again when I felt fingers wrap around my upper arm.
I looked at Minnie who was close and had a hold of me.
“Babe, you gotta know you can do this. I know it sucks, and it does. It sucks. But it is the way it is. You ask no questions, they tell no lies. They need to be free and you gotta let them be that way. Normally…”
She glanced over her shoulder at the door. Her expression grew troubled, but she cleared it when she looked back at me.
“Normally, they won’t ever throw it in your face. Not ever, babe. But you’ll know. You just ignore it and know he’ll come back to you. And he chooses you, Clara.”
She got closer and her hand gave my arm a reassuring squeeze that didn’t reassure me and kept going.
“If this goes the distance, and he decides to make you his old lady and do that official, he’ll always come back to you. And that’s something. I promise you, babe. Not blowing sunshine up your ass. Especially with a man like Buck, that’s definitely something.”
I looked into her hazel eyes, hearing her heartfelt words, and I knew.
I knew and I’d always known.
I’d known from the minute a mother who didn’t want me expelled me from her body.
In my life, I had to settle for as good as I could get.
So West “Buck” Hardy wanted me for…whatever…and he might not always want me. And in the meantime, he was going to have more than just me.
But, for now, it was as good as I could get.
And since I had no choice….
No choice because I simply had no choice, no money, no car, nowhere to go.
But also no choice because I needed him to find Tia for me.
Further, I liked Driver. I liked Lorie, Minnie and Pinky. As well as Ink. And I had a feeling I’d also like Cruise.
Last, I had no choice, I had to admit, because I liked Buck.
A whole lot.
Too much.
So much, I knew, to have those kisses on my nose and falling asleep with my head on his thigh and his fingers in my hair and the care and concern he demonstrated nearly all the time he was around me, I was going to put up with it.
I was going to do what I always did.
I was going to take as good as I could get.
I mean, it was becoming clear that was the way of my life, so I had to get used to it.
Once, I’d reached for more.
I’d fallen in love with Rogan.
And he’d turned out to be like all the rest.
As good as I could get.
Until he was gone.
So I’d take it, and once Buck got rid of me, I’d take whatever came next.
And like I’d always done, I’d survive on as good as I could get.
And I’d keep doing it until I died.
“I can do this,” I whispered to Minnie, and this was so very true.
It was the one thing I was super good at.
So I could do this.
I could and I would.
Because I liked him, I liked his friends, and I wanted him for me.
He wasn’t perfect.
With what I’d just seen outside, he was far from a dream.
But he was as good as I was going to get.
11
What Would a Biker Babe Do?
“You all right?”
Buck was driving.
I was staring out the side window at the passing landscape.
Earlier, Pinky had recruited Cruise to go tell Buck I was there. She’d semi-explained things and Cruise had run interference. Pinky had promised Cruise would be discreet, and she knew this because she’d lied to him and told him I didn’t see Nails, Minnie did.