Toren nods. “Yup. You yelled at me.”
Ember and I laugh together. “I did. I was afraid I’d get stuck cleaning a bunny cage every weekend.”
I wonder if she remembers, or if she read that in the diary. I resist asking her. She’s in such a great mood tonight, I don’t want to make her analyze her thoughts.
Dinner goes better than I expected. Kenzi’s lasagna is delicious. Ember falls into conversation easily with Kenzi and Tor. The four of us laughing and smiling together sets my hopes into overdrive. It feels like old times.
This is what I’ve been hoping for. My wife by my side—happy, enjoying her life again.
Despite the hiccup about the perfume, our kiss earlier was searing with chemistry.
We still got it. Eff you, amnesia.
She catches me watching her, and a shy smile spreads across her face. Winking at her, I reach under the table to discretely touch her hand. My heart jumps when she catches mine first and pulls it toward her to rest against the denim of her thigh, our fingers still laced together.
After dinner, Ember and I clean up the kitchen and dining room while Tor and Kenzi go upstairs to take care of the baby. They join us in the living room a few minutes later, with Tia cradled in Kenzi’s arms.
“Somebody wanted to say hi to their poppa.” Kenzi gently lays the baby in my arms.
Tia is like a magical little fairy. A halo of downy soft hair, huge, emotive eyes, and a smile like she’s just heard the funniest joke in the world.
“Poppa?” I repeat, swooning as the baby grabs on to my finger. “She’s gotta call me something cooler than that. I’m not old enough to be Poppa.”
“How’s Gramps?” Kenzi says, laughing with Ember.
I shake my head. “No.”
“How about G-Dad?” Tor suggests.
“That makes me sound like a rapper. You want to confuse your kid?”
He laughs. “So you need a rock star grandfather name?”
“You’re lucky I’m holding this baby,” I joke.
“There’s nothing wrong with her thinking of you as her poppa,” Kenzi says. “It’s a name, not an indication of your age, Dad.”
The baby wiggles in my arms, and I melt when she smiles up at me. “You’re right. She can call me whatever she wants when she starts talking.”
Ember leans into my side to get a closer look at Tia. “She really is gorgeous,” she says softly. “She’s such a perfect little blend of both of you.”
“I think she looks more like Kenzi,” Tor says. “She has her eyes and little nose.”
“She has your smile, though.”
“Do you want to hold her?” I ask Ember.
“Maybe next time.” She smiles and touches Tia’s tiny, pink-socked foot. “I really like watching you with her. You look so natural holding a baby. How come we never had another one?”
Her question is innocent—playful even—but that doesn’t lessen the blow of the memory it dredges up for me.
I struggle to keep my voice even. “We talked about it.”
I’d do anything to go back to the day of the accident—to say fuck it about the hiker and make love to her there like I wanted to. Maybe keeping her there with me would’ve prevented what happened.
I wish I had kept her away from the edge of the cliff.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
Ember’s eyes are dancing on me, waiting for me to elaborate about another baby, but what can I say?
Just then, Diogee lays his big head on her lap for pets, hijacking her attention away from me.
Holding my granddaughter against my chest, I gently kiss the top of her head. She reminds me of Kenzi when she was this age, and it tugs my heart into a place I’ve avoided.
I’ve always wanted the second baby we never got to have. I had no doubt we’d have a boy. I’ve pictured him in my head over the years—even named him.
Mostly, I grieved him—the baby forever lost somewhere in the abyss with Ember’s memories.
But maybe, he’s just like me—still there, waiting for the sands of time to make things right.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Dear Diary,
Kenzi Allyster Valentine came into our lives a few days ago. She’s five pounds, five ounces and she’s so beautiful and adorable. I’m in love with her and petrified of her. I wasn’t expecting her to be so tiny. We sit and stare at her so much in awe of how adorable and perfect she is. Everything she does is like watching a little miracle.
When she smiles or laughs or makes an expression we’re just like ahhhhhhh! I was in labor for ten hours. Asher’s entire family came and took over the waiting room. His mother stayed in the delivery room with us and calmed us both down. I thought I was gonna die and then Ash thought I was gonna die and we were both like scared idiots. Not exactly how we wanted to start out as parents, but hopefully we’ll get better.