“I’ll never let anything hurt you again baby I promise. I’ll protect you no matter what. I’m sorry that I didn’t do a better job of it last time.” And for that I’d forever carry the deepest regret in my soul.
I drew her in closer, finally allowing myself to enjoy the fact that she was really here with me without fear of something going wrong. My heart wouldn’t be settled until I find our child. I won’t know peace until I’m reunited with our child.
But for now having her with me filled the void that had opened up when she disappeared. I cried inside for my child even as I drew his mother closer and buried my face in her hair, inhaling her sweet natural scent for the first time in too long.
How could she feel the same after all this time apart? How could having her close feel like the time hadn’t passed at all? How could my heart still beat out of time like it always did when she was anywhere near?
Holding her like this felt like we were back at the beginning of our life together. That time when everything was new and bright and we had such hopes and dreams. And there were no worries on our horizon.
I finally let the bitter tears mixed with tears of relief fall freely from my eyes as I opened my heart again. The heart that had been locked off without her. The heart that had all but died while she was gone; taken from me.
I cried for her, for me, for our child. I cried for what she must’ve gone through and what she will face once she wakes up. I cried for the time we’d lost. The time that some asshole had so ruthlessly stolen from us.
My heart broke into a million pieces when I thought of her scared and alone. The doctor hadn’t found anything, but had they hurt her? Had she been tortured during those long months she’d been held captive?
I blamed myself for all of it. I’d failed as a husband and father. I hadn’t protected my most precious ones and she’d paid the price for my neglect, my shortcomings.
But when I think of it, I hadn’t done anything to put her life in danger. I hadn’t crossed anyone or shorted anyone in a business deal. And if I had, why the fuck would they take it out on her?
I pushed the self-pitying blame game aside and now instead of tears let anger grow inside me. It was too much. I’d done nothing to warrant this hell and neither had she.
How dare someone bring this pain to my house? I won’t let them get away with it. I’ll hunt them down to the very ends of the earth if I have to and make them pay with their life.
I heard the doctor again saying he didn’t know if she’d been assaulted in the past and I was hoping that that wasn’t the case. Just the thought of it makes me want to climb out of my own skin.
But if she had been there was no way I would hold it against her. I’m not that much of a fucking douche nozzle. Still the thought of anyone else touching my woman makes the blood boil in my veins.
It was hard but I fought back thoughts of that particular horror. It’s something I’d shied away from these past two years. The one thing I knew would break me.
I closed my eyes on a silent prayer of hope that she’d been spared that at least. But I was honest enough with myself to accept the awful truth that if it was so, if she’d been used in that way I would be utterly devastated.
I thought back to all the things I’d gone through when she was gone, all the thoughts that had kept me up at night. Now she was back and I was still left waiting for answers.
The nurse came in and checked her over. I didn’t miss the disapproving look she threw my way and I’m sure she didn’t miss the sneer I sent hers.
I waited for her to leave before wrapping my baby in my arms again. She felt light, thin. Not that she’d had much weight before she disappeared, but now I could feel the bones in her back and shoulders.
Now that my mind was a little bit clearer and I could think again, I thought over what little I knew so far. It wasn’t much but it beat beating myself up all night while I waited.
It was obvious that she’d been drugged and starved. From the condition of her feet she’d walked a long way barefoot. And the clothes she wore were a couple sizes too big.
I tried putting the pieces together to form a picture but it was no use. None of it made a lick of damn sense. If she’d walked back, did that mean that she hadn’t been too far? That she’d been held captive somewhere nearby all this time?