I retraced the steps I’d taken back then in my head, trying to figure out if I’d missed anything. There were a few places that weren’t even a little bit accessible so we’d left those out. The thinking was that if we couldn’t find a way in then no one else could.
But had we overlooked something? I felt a spurt of hope at the thought. Maybe we can go back over the places we’d missed. Or maybe she’d know exactly where she’d been held when she wakes up.
And what about her captor or captors? Were they aware that she was gone? Or had they released her? Somehow that thought scared me more than the other. Why would they release her after all this time?
Is she still a target? My mind went around and around in circles and still I’ll know nothing until she opens her eyes. All I have is time. It’s the same fucking story.
At least I can look at her, feel her. What there is of her. I went back to studying her face, this time tracing it with my fingertips, and opening myself up to all the love that had been buried inside me.
I found my first real smile in a long time, felt real joy even though it was tempered with worry. What had I been doing a few hours ago? Where had my life been going even a few days ago?
I couldn’t recall much of anything other than finding her in the dark. Nothing else mattered anyway. It all seemed so far away now, so unimportant. Like I’d only been biding my time until this moment.
I gave a fleeting thought to Mindy but all that I came away with was thank fuck I didn’t go ahead with the forced marriage she and mom had been trying to talk me into.
I was also grateful that I’d never felt the urge to fuck her or anyone else while my wife was gone. I can’t imagine the guilt I’d feel now if I’d done that shit.
But most of all I was happy that I’d followed my mind and never given up on believing that she’d come back to me. That I’d held onto that hope all the while and my prayers were finally answered.
Now that I had my baby back in my arms the whole Mindy thing seemed preposterous. The idea that I could ever love another woman. Ever want to share my bed let alone my life with one.
Cade
I held her even closer as bit by bit the built up tension began to leave me. It had been hours since her return and no alarms had been raised. No one had come looking for her.
The hospital had done their part to secure her room under orders from the cops. Something dad had insisted on before he left. And anyone calling in for information was to be told nothing.
I felt more at ease knowing that much was being done at least, until I could get out there and see to shit myself. It sucked that I had to trust others with that shit for now but it can’t be helped.
Though part of me was in bed with her, my mind stayed on my child. No matter how I told myself to leave it for now since I had nothing to go on and the shit was gonna drive me crazy, that shit was easier said than done.
I’d tried to get the search started somehow with no success. I can’t even be mad at the cops for saying their hands are tied until she wakes up and gives them some information. I’m not in any better shape than they are at this point.
As I laid there my mind went in and out formatting all that I had to do and wondering, how I was going to get shit done and still watch over her. Worrying about what kind of condition she was going to be in when she opens her eyes.
My brother will help me I have no doubt. And dad, though he’s getting up there in age would stop at nothing to find his grandchild. “Shit!” I’d sent them home with that shit on their hearts and minds.
Who knows what new hell they were going through? Especially mom. Knowing her love for children this must be hard on her as well. She’s been begging for grandkids for so long. And now she might have one out there, lost and alone.
I blinked away fresh tears and wondered where the hell they were coming from. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry before. Not because of any antiquated belief that men don’t cry, but because it would’ve felt too much like giving up.
Now my heart hurt for the poor child who was out there without a mother or father and there was no holding back the tears this time.