I held on to her and poured out all the grief through silent tears. Vowing that this would be the last time. Tears aren’t going to make this shit right. But for now they were the release I needed.
I must’ve drifted off after all because the next thing I knew her hand twitched in mine and I heard her voice, a faint whisper, calling my name.
At first I thought it was another one of the dreams that had plagued me every night since she’d been gone. It had been a while since one of them had chased me from my bed.
But then the last few hours came rushing back to me and my eyes shot open, wide-awake, my heart racing the way it did after I’d had a dream about her.
That sickening feeling was in the pit of my stomach. The one that always follow the disappointment I feel when I awaken to find that she’s not really there.
Only this time it was followed quickly by the warming of my heart as I felt her weight pressed up against me in the small hospital bed.
“I’m right here sweetheart are you awake, how do you feel?” She turned in my arms and just looked at me. There was such sadness in her eyes I almost cried out from the pain I saw there.
“Cade?”
“Yeah baby it’s me. Let me get the doctor, you’ve been out for a while.” My voice was hoarse, my throat clogged with emotion.
I reached over and used the call button next to her bed to alert the nurses before leaning over her once again to study her eyes.
Her eyes always told me everything I needed to know. No matter what her lips said, all it took was one look in her eyes for me to know what was really going on with her.
They weren’t all the way clear but she looked a hell of a lot better than she had when she fell into my arms the day before.
Was that only yesterday? it felt like a lifetime ago. I wanted to question her right away but thought it best to wait until the doctor had checked her over first. I wasn’t sure what state her mind was in or if it was safe to pressure her for answers so soon after she woke up.
It wasn’t long before the first nurse rushed in and moved me out of the way so she could check her over. “Cade…” She reached out her hand to me when I got off the bed and moved to the side.
“I’m right here baby I’m not going anywhere.” I took her hand to the annoyance of the nurse who I ignored and just focused on my woman.
The room was soon buzzing with activity and the nurse was finally able to brush me out of the way long enough to check her over completely.
Zandi started to freak so I stood where she could see me until she calmed down again. “I’m right here baby, keep your eyes on me.” I wanted to yell at them to hurry the fuck up and get the fuck out. But I bit it back because this was for her.
The doctor wasn’t far behind and the way they worked on her told me that they were taking this seriously, which helped to ease some of the knots in my guts.
“Mrs. McClintock do you know where you are?” He was checking her eyes and testing her pulse as he questioned her to make sure she wasn’t suffering from some kind of amnesia.
She answered all of his questions correctly and precisely if a little groggy and sluggishly. Her voice was scratchy and weak but it was my Zandi.
I never thought I’d hear her voice again. As much as I’d hoped in the last two years, somewhere deep inside I never thought this day would truly come.
I’d fought so hard to hold onto hope. Some days it was all I could do to get myself out of bed because I hated the idea of facing another day without her in it.
Now I’m glad that I never gave up. That even though on the outside I was able to fool everyone around me that I had learned to live without her, inside I had held onto even the slightest glimmer of hope that this day would come.
They finished checking her over, the doctor wrote some stuff on her chart and then the nurse promised to bring her something light to eat.
The doctor came over to whisper something to me as I kept my eyes on what was going on.
“The cops asked to be alerted as soon she woke up. I’m gonna make that call now.” I just nodded my head and went to my wife.
“Cade.” She reached for my hand and I moved to take hers. “Right here baby.” She started to cry and tore a hole in my already bruised and battered heart. “I didn’t leave you I swear.”