He seemed overly interested in the trees outside, and spent an inordinate amount of time checking around outside. For what, I don’t know, since every time I asked he’d say it was nothing.
I was beginning to get annoyed by his lack of attention and was pouting when he finally turned to me on the couch.
Dad was pulling another overnighter and I was glad for the company, besides, I wasn’t sure how I would survive without having him there after spending so much time with him in the last few days.
Like him, I’d grown used to having him with me to the point that any form of lengthy separation left me feeling ill. It’s as if I needed his touch to breathe.
But now he wouldn’t even touch me, not even to hold my hand, and I missed his touch so very much. In fact, I had the fanciful notion that it was his touch that had healed me, which of course brought to mind the overheard conversation he’d had with my father.
He seemed a bit distant tonight though, and I felt that pain in my heart that had been gone for the last few days.
Was he tired of me already, had he grown bored with looking after the weak little girl? I felt tears gather at the corners of my eyes. I don’t think I’ve cried this much since I was a kid.
I bit my lip to keep any sound from escaping, but the pain in my chest was almost more than I could bear. These up and down emotions were too much. Only this morning I was on top of the world, now I felt like the bottom of the barrel.
He seemed to sense my distress, because suddenly, he turned to me, his eyes wide with concern. “What is it little one?”
He can’t be that dense surely. He’d gone from loving kindness, to this cold distant stranger, and he had the nerve to ask me that? I was suddenly so angry I could chew nails, or bash him over the head with a clue.
Instead I just folded my arms and ignored him as I pretended a sudden interest in what was on the television.
“Talk to me malenkaya, why are you so angry with me?” Did he really need me to spell it out? Somehow I don’t think so, he seems to know everything else, let him figure it out.
He obviously did not like being ignored because the next thing I knew, he was turning me to look at him and when that didn’t work, I found myself dragged onto his lap.
He kissed my hair and squeezed me, which went a long way to soothing some of my pique, but not all the way.
You can’t just give a girl all that love and attention one moment and just snatch it away the next.
It’s like teasing a kid with their favorite toy and then holding it just out of reach.
I tried a different tack, something I would never have done in a million years had it not been for the last few days, and the way he’d been with me. And let’s not forget the bath incident.
I tried out my new wiles on him, holding my breath as I placed my lips over his. The touch though fleeting was electric.
It was fleeting because as soon as our lips touched he drew away as if burned. I was mortified to say the least and jumped off of his lap to run for the sanctity of my room.
I heard his footsteps behind me as I slammed the door and tried to lock it behind me, but he was there, pushing the door open with his foot before I could.
“Go away I don’t want you here.” I ran to the bed and pulled the covers over my head. Maybe I’ll call mom and tell her I’m moving back, because there was no way I would be able to face him again after this.
I felt him climb in behind me, and my traitorous heart skipped a beat when he wrapped his arms around me covers and all.
Why did he have this affect on me? Why was it that just the touch of his arms could make everything that was wrong seem so right?
I wanted to scream and hit to ease the pain in my heart. He couldn’t feel for me what I felt for him, not if he could so easily refuse me even the simplest kiss.
It was obvious now that he was sorry that he’d done that, and that hurt worst of all, that he could regret that moment that meant so much to me.
How could I have been so stupid? in the end I couldn’t keep the tears at bay and my body shook with the force of them as I tried to purge the pain from my heart.