Who was I kidding? There was no way I would ever get over him, not if I lived to be a hundred. This pain felt as if it would stay with me always, as if I would carry it for the rest of my days.
Had I been in my right mind I would see how overly dramatic I was being, but I’m afraid when it comes to Thorn Azarov I have to control over anything.
Chapter 15
THORN
I waited until her body had settled before trying to talk to her. “Please look at me Lyubov.” I tried turning her stiffened body into my arms, but she fought me all the way, until I wrestled her into place beneath me.
Already I could feel the changes in her; it was beginning, and soon I would have to share with her, but I so longed to give her more time before her life was turned upside down.
She finally looked at me, but her face was set in stone. I almost laughed as I remembered the much younger Jasmine having just such a reaction when she was crossed with me.
I smoothed the hair back from her face as I looked down at her. She’s so perfect that it grows harder and harder to be with her and not...
“Milaya moya it was okay to hold you while you slept when you were ill, but now that you’re better I will not chance it.” She pouted up at me.
“But why? I don’t understand.” I had to think of the best way to explain things without giving too much away; not yet, just a little more time, that’s all I want for her.
Her mind was not as yet ready I don’t think, and though others might believe it okay to just spring everything on her now and be done with it, I wanted more for her.
I’d vowed at her birth, before I knew all that she would come to mean to me, to love and cherish her. Now that I knew all, I could do no less.
“Because it’s too dangerous, when you were ill there was no question of me taking you, as I knew I would never endanger your health. But now with your illness gone I won’t chance it.”
The pout became a frown and she turned and looked away from me. “Fine you can go now.”
Reaching out I pulled her back around and into my chest. “Behave, I’ve explained why I can’t sleep next to you, I expect you to accept my word and know that I know what’s best.”
“I don’t like it, it doesn’t make any sense. Will you still come to me in my dreams?” she looked so hopefully at me, how could I tell her that her dreams weren’t like others, that I dared not touch her there anymore either lest I go too far.
As the date of her birth drew nearer the need grew stronger between us both. Soon we won’t be able to control the pull that was deep within us both.
But neither could I resist her lure. I was trained in these matters, but she was the only woman on the earth who could make me forget. Looking down at the sad face she wore, I read her carefully.
She expected rejection. It tore at my heart, how accepting she was, of never getting what she wanted in life.
“Yes I will meet you in your dreams Milaya. Now will you try to get some sleep for me? You haven’t been well that long and I don’t want you making yourself ill again.”
The bright smile on her beautiful face was all the thanks I needed. I hope to make her smile like that everyday for the rest of our lives.
“Are you going to stay or will you sneak away as soon as I fall asleep?” This was dangerous I knew, but I couldn’t leave her, not when she was feeling so raw and vulnerable. Plus there was something else keeping me here.
I had felt it this morning, they were getting closer and the time was drawing near. “I will stay.” I risked a kiss to her cheek and a soft peck to her lips, which thankfully seemed to suffice her for now.
She was soon asleep in my arms and I was free to relax and to think. The lure of her body was getting harder to resist, but I called on all my training and inner strength.
We were down to a matter of days before it was safe for me to take her, I could make it.
If she were anyone else there would be no question. I can and have resisted many women in my lifetime, but she is the one exception.
On top of that, in a few days her body will change in ways that will cause me much distress, until I was able to mount her and put us both out of our misery.