Buttons and Blame (Buttons 5)

Looking at the book only reminded me that she wasn’t here. It reminded me of the comfortable schedule we had. I’d come home from work and see her sitting on the couch. Dinner was already prepared, and she was wearing one of my shirts.

Now I sat in an empty house.

It didn’t even smell like her anymore.

I didn’t want to look at this book. I didn’t want to think of her every time I walked into the room. I grabbed it and contemplated throwing it in the fire. Once it burned to ashes, I wouldn’t have to think about it ever again.

But would that really erase her?

Did I want to erase her?

I spotted the bookmark she’d left in the center of the pages. It was regular white stock paper, something she’d grabbed from my printer. I pulled it from between the pages for no particular reason, just wanting to see if my hunch was right.

It was paper from my printer.

But my name was written in her handwriting.

Cane.

My heart dropped into my stomach.

I unfolded the paper with shaking hands and spotted the handwritten note she’d left for me. It was short, her feminine writing filling the pages with stark black ink. My eyes stared at the words without reading them, unsure if I could handle her message.

I wanted to close it and ignore it forever, but I couldn’t. Not reading it would haunt me forever.

* * *

Cane,

By the time you read this, I might already be dead.

And if I am, don’t pity me. I’m in a better place.

I just wanted you to know that you changed my life. I was taken from my family, but somehow, I felt at home with you. My innocence was taken from me, but you somehow gave it back. I’d only seen cold and cruel men, but you taught me that good people are everywhere. You weren’t the Prince Charming I’d been waiting my whole life for, but you were so much better. Because you were real. You were deep, complicated. You wanted to hurt me, but you couldn’t do it. Your heart is too strong. You’re far too kind. And you made me feel like a queen even while I was a prisoner. You’ve made this horrific ending a little easier to bear, gave me a little more life to live.

Thank you for everything,

Bellissima

* * *

I walked into Crow’s office without knocking. I didn’t learn my lesson the first time because lessons didn’t matter right now. Everything else could wait. Nothing was more important than what I had to say.

Crow looked up when I stormed into his office, but he didn’t give me any of his sarcasm. He only looked at me with surprise, his eyebrow arched. We hadn’t spoken in days, and when he’d come by the house, I’d basically kicked him out. “Everything alright?”

“No.” I sat in the chair facing his desk as I rested my elbows on my knees. I leaned forward, the anxiety gripping my chest. “I’m gonna get her back.”

“Get who back?”

“Adelina.” I couldn’t bear it anymore. I couldn’t stand aside and let this happen to her. I couldn’t let her be grateful to me when I was the one who abandoned her. I should have fought for her. I should have killed all those men before they laid a hand on her.

Crow’s surprise deepened into disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am serious. You said you would be there if I needed anything. Well, I need something. I need her.”

Crow slowly rose from behind his desk, moving to his full height and blocking most of the window. “I understand this is hard for you, but we can’t get her back. She’s gone, Cane.”

“She’s not gone yet. You’re right. Tristan would call me.”

“We have no idea if I’m right,” he snapped. “Tristan has dozens of men with him at all times. Not to mention, they’re equipped with the finest weapons in warfare. It’s a suicide mission.”

“Yeah, it probably is.”

“Then, what’s the point?”

I couldn’t suffer through those nightmares anymore. I couldn’t live my life without that woman beside me. I had to get her back or die trying. Instead of letting her go, I should have fought for her. But now I was going to save her. “I’m going after her whether you come with me or not. I’m taking as many men as I can.”

Crow shook his head. “This is fucking stupid.”

“I know. Doesn’t change anything.”

“If this is what you wanted, you shouldn’t have handed her over. This is going to be a million times harder. Even if we get in there and kill everyone, she could be dead. It could all be for nothing.”

“I’m willing to risk that.”

“Tristan is not a man you want to cross.”

“I’m aware.”

Crow tightened his jaw and shook his head. “You know I can’t help you.”

“Why not? I risked my neck to save Pearl.”