Tears rush to my eyes as I stare at my phone, trying to find the strength to dial my mom’s number. If my dad were still here, none of this would have happened. He may have agreed with my mom, my uncle, and even Ryan, but he would have kept everyone calm. He would have urged me to live my life and let me know they’d be there for me if it ended. He always kept my mom level-headed. Without him, she isn’t.
I keep trying to remember what Chandler said, that this would be for the best, but I don’t want to face what is coming.
You’re one strong-ass chick.
God, I want to be.
I pick up my phone and dial my mom’s number. She answers before the first ring even pauses for the next one. “Oh, Amelia.”
My name from her lips guts me. “Hey, Mom.”
I can hear the emotion in her voice, and tears instantly spring to my eyes. “I miss you so much, baby.”
“I miss you.”
“How are you?”
“I’m okay. You?”
“I’m so much better hearing your voice.”
“Same here.”
“You’re at Grandma’s house?”
“I am.”
“Are you working, or are you enjoying the beach every day?”
I smile through the tears as they roll down my face. “Both, I guess. I’m at a little coffee shop downtown. It’s new. I don’t like it.”
“Because you belong in the gym.”
I swallow hard. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Isn’t that one gym you went to, when we stayed the summer there, still open?”
“I think so. I pass it every morning on my way to work.”
“You should stop in.”
“I don’t know.”
“I think it would be wonderful for you. Being in the gym makes you happy.”
I didn’t expect that from her. I thought she would demand for me to come home. While she’s right—I do belong in a gym with all the apparatus I grew up learning to compete on and win—things have changed. I can’t bring myself to do it.
“Who would want a college dropout?”
I honestly don’t know why I said that. It sets her up to tear me apart. “Any coach would die to have you. College dropout or not, you’re talented as all hell. I know Sofia wishes you’d come work for her.”
“I know. She asks me all the time.”
“We’d love to have you back home.”
There it is. “I like it here.”
“That’s good. Whatever makes you happy.”
Her words sting. “Where was that four years ago when I first moved in with Drew?”
She takes in a sharp breath, and I sit up straighter. “Amelia, he was trash. I saw it. No man should ask you to give up everything for him. You had all the pieces in place to be so successful.”
“But I loved him—”
“Listen, I get it. I do. But I knew he was going to hurt you, and it’s my job to protect you. You have to understand that, baby.”
“I have to make my own mistakes.”
“You’re absolutely right, Amelia. You are. But to me, I knew this was a mistake I could save you from. I am all for you learning from your mistakes, but my love, you weren’t seeing clearly. You were blinded by love—young love, at that—and I knew you deserved better.”
“It doesn’t matter. It was my choice, and you went as far as to say who I should choose. How dare you make me choose between my family and the guy I loved? It doesn’t matter that you may have been right. I loved him, and when I left him, I was completely alone. I didn’t have you. I didn’t have Ryan. I had to do it on my own.” My tears are rolling fast down my cheeks. My heart hurts, my chest aches, and I feel empty. “That’s not fair to me. And let’s be honest, I couldn’t unload on Shelli the way I wanted. She’s so much younger than me.”
“You’re right, and I was wrong,” she admits. “If you’d had talked to me sooner, I would have expressed that.” Her words are full of emotion, and when her voice breaks, I close my eyes. “Amelia, I wasn’t seeing clearly either. I wasn’t even thinking when I said it. I was so upset, so mad, and I knew you were making the wrong choice. Ever since your dad died, I have had this pressure on me to love you and protect you enough for both of us. I was scared to death that I couldn’t raise you right because I didn’t have him. When you said you were leaving, the only thing I could see was all the hard work Daddy and I had put into you going to waste. I felt like a failure, and I said something I shouldn’t have.”
A sob escapes. “I needed you.”
“I know, sweetheart. I really fucked up, excuse my language, and I’m sorry. Amelia, I’m so sorry. I am.”
I swallow hard around the lump in my throat.