“You said I left you because of her, and that’s not the case. I left because of what you did—over and over again.”
He nods. “I know I never should have put my hands on you or say what I did. I regret it all. But now, in the end, I honestly just want you to be happy. I’m not only here for your sake, I’m here for mine. I had to tell you all this to get that guilt off my chest. It’s a step in AA.”
I want to feel bad for him. I want to tell him it’s okay. But it’s not. In my opinion, his words aren’t as genuine as they should be. He should be apologizing for what he did because he hurt me, not just to get the guilt off his chest. “I appreciate you apologizing to me, and I hope it helped the guilt you feel. But nothing will ever happen between us ever again. I do not love you. I don’t even know if I ever did. Because being with Chandler? That’s love. You…you weren’t love,” I stammer as my eyes fill with tears. “You were pain.”
“What the fu—” Chandler’s words cut off abruptly when I look up at him.
“Don’t,” I urge. He looks deep into my eyes, and I shake my head. “Please. I’m handling it.”
Drew’s eyes stay locked on me. “I understand, and again, I’m sorry.”
I turn to look into his face, and I realize I don’t know how I stayed for as long as I did. I suspected he had a drinking and a pill problem, but I was always scared to bring it up, thinking he would hurt me. I didn’t realize how bad it was until the end, but by then, it didn’t matter. He wasn’t high or drunk when he hit me. Or at least, I don’t think he was. I think there was a dark monster inside him that he had to defeat. It wasn’t my job, even though I wanted so desperately to help him then.
Not anymore.
“I accept your apology—not for your sake but for mine,” I say, using his words against him. “To close this chapter of my life and move on with someone who actually does love me.”
Drew rises slowly from his chair, his eyes moving to Chandler. I almost think Drew is going to say something, but I’m thankful he doesn’t. Chandler’s body is tense, and his eyes are wild. He wouldn’t need much provocation to slam his fist into Drew’s face.
“Stay the fuck away from her,” Chandler grits out. “Next time, I’ll rip you apart, piece by piece.”
“Couldn’t resist?” I ask as Drew ignores him and walks away. It feels like, with each step Drew takes, the weight of our relationship goes with him. I feel so much better.
“Nope. I hate that fuckface,” Chandler spits as if his words are venom. He looks down at me, and aggravation is all over his face. “I thought I told you I don’t want you near him?”
“I needed to have that conversation,” I say, standing up beside him.
“He could have hurt you. Stay away from him.”
“I can handle myself,” I assert as our eyes lock.
“I didn’t say you couldn’t. I said I don’t want you near him.”
I lean into him and rise to my tiptoes as I take his face in my hands. He’s upset, and I can see that all over his handsome features. I press my nose into his and whisper, “I love you.”
“You can’t distract me with that, Amelia. I’m serious—”
“I love you,” I repeat, kissing his bottom lip. “I do. So much.”
His shoulders fall. “You’re mean.”
I grin. “But you love me too.”
He wraps his arm around my waist, the bags he’s holding hitting me in the hip. “More than I can ever put into words.”
My heart sings for him as our lips meet. The kiss is dangerous and beautiful all in one. We part ever so slightly, and I whisper, “I’m strong because of you.”
He shakes his head, though. “No, you’re strong because that’s who you are.”
My lips start to wobble as I get lost in his eyes, feeling every emotion imaginable.
Love, completion, trust, heat, wholeness, lust, need, perfection…everything. I feel everything because of him. He has the power to knock down every one of my defenses. And when he gets inside my soul, I am there, ready to welcome him.
I want him.
“I do love you.”
“Good. That was the master plan all along.”
We both smile, our gazes locked, and his stunning topaz eyes are like coming home. In this moment, I know something I didn’t before.
I am back to who I was.
And no one will ever take that away from me again.
Since we’re running late, we go straight to Uncle Shea’s. His house is over the top in the most wonderful way. Aunt Elli’s favorite time of year is Christmas, and my uncle always says it looks like Santa threw up all over their house. He isn’t lying. The house is lit up with the brightest white lights. A huge inflatable snowman, along with Santa and his reindeer, is out front. By the sidewalk is a nativity scene, and there are wreaths on every window. I know the inside matches the outside. Aunt Elli really loves Christmas.