I suffered in silence. Something I had gotten really good at during the relationship and even now in life. I either ignore the pain, or I suffer without anyone knowing. I drown myself in my work, and I know it’s not healthy, but it’s what I do. I don’t think Kirby will accept that, though. Honestly, I know he won’t. He’s so in tune with my feelings—something else that terrifies me. I get that we had an instant connection a year and a half ago, but how in the world is it still so strong? Time is a bitch, but it’s not like that with us. I think that’s why I can’t shake wanting to tell him the truth. I need to tell him. Because the truth is, he makes me feel like I’m more than just a lawyer, more than just a pretty face and a hardworking boss babe.
He makes me feel like I am someone deserving of love.
I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. That each situation is a seed, or water, to help you grow. A stepping-stone to a solid future. Doesn’t matter how shitty or how bad it seems at the time; it honestly will help you grow. I have to believe that or the hell I went through in that relationship was for nothing. I truly don’t think I would have been as driven and as ready to kick-start law school and then my career if I hadn’t been through the absolute hell of that relationship. I think I would have chased the next high from being in love, and I’m okay with how that played out.
I just don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it.
But like I told Kirby, if I am going to do this, if I’m going to be his girlfriend, I want him to know who he is getting. I seem awesome on the outside; I’m gorgeous, great hair, thick ass, and a style that belongs in a magazine. But inside me, there is a wall thicker than the Great Wall of China around all the shit I’ve been through, and I don’t know how to start telling him even half of it. I want this, though. I want him. So, I gotta suck it up and put on my big-girl panties.
He can take them off afterward.
If he still wants me.
I shake my head as I walk into the office. I hadn’t planned on coming in, but I need to grab a few files I can work on this weekend. The office isn’t bustling with people or loud with the phone ringing off the hook. I could actually work a bit if I wanted, but I’d rather see Kirby and Celeste. I need to rush home, take a shower, and then head over. Which is why I have a little pep in my step. While it was a beautiful three days getting Callie settled, watching her show off, and even getting some shopping in, I missed my home. I…I missed Kirby and Celeste.
Of course, there are some people here, the regular workhorses like me, but I ignore them, heading into my office to grab my files. I walk behind my desk, sitting down so I can reach under my desk to unplug my computer. When I sit up, putting the cord on top of my laptop, I find Willa in my doorway. She has her knuckles almost to my door to knock, and I smile a greeting.
“Hey, burning the weekend oil?” I tease, and she grins, coming in.
“Yeah, I was surprised you weren’t here.”
“I figured I’d work from home,” I lie, though not really since I do plan on working, just around Celeste and Kirby. She doesn’t need to know that, however. I’m not sure how she will feel about Kirby and me dating, so I’d rather just keep it under lock and key. “I am a little behind.”
“Yeah, but did you have a good time in Nashville?”
I nod as I put some files on top of my laptop. “I did. We got my best friend’s sister all settled.”
“That’s awesome. Glad to hear it,” she says, and I suddenly catch a vibe that she isn’t here to talk about my trip.
I glance up at her through my lashes. “Everything okay?”
She nods, sitting down in the chair in front of my desk and crossing her legs. She’s wearing a little jumpsuit outfit, looking like she belongs in a hip-hop video. “Sure, I’m having some issues with the Litman case, though.”
I perk my brow, not meeting her gaze. “What’s going on?”
She clears her throat. “The baby momma didn’t show up for court, and according to her lawyer, she doesn’t plan on showing up at all. Even after offering to pay her way back from Europe, she is adamant about not coming back. I haven’t told Mr. Litman yet, and I’m stressing over it because basically, we’re going to set court dates for the hell of it, money wasted and everything.”