My lips curve. “Adore me, huh?”
She nods. “Greatly.”
“Same, Jay. Maybe more than greatly.”
Her eyes sparkle. “Really?”
“Totally.”
She leans down, kissing my mouth, which means she gets smacked by Celeste too. We both laugh happily, and I feel so fucking complete. As she moves away, going back to the vegetables, I smack her ass, and she flashes me a cheerful grin before she starts to chop once more. “So, Monday, then?”
“Yup, if that’s good for you.”
“Fine with me. I’ll call her after dinner.”
“Awesome.” I put Celeste on the floor, making sure everything is picked up so it doesn’t end up in her mouth. She starts to scoot back to the living room, and I follow, leaning on the island so I can watch her and Jaylin at the same time. “So, you think they won’t like me?”
“My dad will,” she says immediately, not looking at me. “But my mom is dead set on me marrying a black doctor.”
“Eh, she may have to settle for a white hockey player,” I say with a wink, and she grins.
“I said pretty much the same and then tried to explain hockey. I failed, so you may need to pick up the slack on that.”
“I got you, baby,” I promise, and the grin that sits on her lips enthralls me. “I actually need to get you to come to a game. Maybe with Aviva?”
She nods. “I could do that.”
“Or we can watch hockey, and I can teach it all to you.”
“That would be fun, too.”
“Or, even better, I can take you and Celeste skating.”
She makes a face. “Um, I don’t know about that.”
I laugh loudly. “New goal. Get you on a sheet of ice.”
She doesn’t seem convinced. “I feel more confident on grass. Can we play on grass?”
I scoff. “No, ice is the best. I promise. You’ll love the smell of the ice.”
“It smells?”
I find myself grinning like a fool. I love a clean sheet of ice. It’s one of my favorite things. “Yeah, like awesomeness.”
“I’ll take your word for it, but I guess you’re right, I should give your sport a try.”
“Agreed,” I say, moving my gaze from where Celeste is playing with some squishy puck to Jaylin. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”
“I’m sure I’ll fall a lot.”
“I’ll catch you,” I say with a wink. She doesn’t seem convinced but agrees nonetheless.
“Fine, I’ll subject myself to the embarrassment as long as you tell me why your day was so shitty,” she challenges, her eyes intrusive and her expression toeing the line of going all lawyer on me.
She asked before, and I deflected easily. I don’t like admitting to anyone, especially the woman I’m with, that I struggle with anxiety. But as I told her before when I spoke about meeting her parents, it’s part of the progression of our relationship. If she is going to love me—soon, I hope—then she’s going to have to know all about me. I don’t want to give her a false impression that I have a normal chemical balance in my brain because I don’t. Nothing wrong with that, but some don’t understand it, and I want to explain myself rather than have her assume.
I lick my lips nervously as I turn my gaze on Celeste. She loves me no matter what, so it’s easier to admit my truth this way. “I talked to Lilly.”
“Excuse me? What? When?”
“This morning, actually,” I confess, and the chopping stops.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Did you tell Willa?” I can hear the annoyance in her voice.
Still unable to look at her, I say, “I texted Willa what was discussed but nothing more.”
“Nothing more?” she asks. When I don’t elaborate, she demands, “Kirby, look at me.”
I swallow hard since looking at her is the last thing I want to do now. When I do, our eyes meet, and she tilts her head to the side. “What happened?”
I rehash the whole conversation, and Jaylin listens. With every word, I can see that annoyance morph more into pure anger. Her eyes narrow to slits, and she crosses her arms over her chest as she stands there listening. “And you know she only is saying that to be a hateful person and none of it is true, correct?”
I want to nod. I want to lie. I want to act like her words had no effect on me, but instead, I say, “Honestly, Jay, I have a tendency of thinking the same thing about myself, so hearing it fucked with me.”
“What? Why? Kirby, you’re incredible. You’re such a kind, smart, and gorgeous man. Perfect father and fantastic boyfriend. How can you think anything different?”
I’m unable to speak, my heart is pounding like mad, and then I see realization move across her face.
“You want to help Evan so much because you deal with the same thing.”
It’s an insane sensation to have someone just get you. To understand you and respect you. I love her so much. “I do, not to the magnitude that he does because I’ve learned coping skills and I know what I need to do to make the thoughts go away, but Lilly has always known what to say to cut me down and make me feel small. She plays on all the shit that hurts me.”