Forgetting You

I prayed that this would be the biggest hurdle I would face – because if it wasn’t, I knew that my weakened body, and fragile mind, wouldn’t be able to take it.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

NOAH

It wasn’t uncommon for me to wake up in the middle of the night, but it was when I had been given morphine for pain. Normally, my mind was so foggy on it that I was in a constant state of droopiness for well over twelve hours. My body had never taken all that well to morphine, and I didn’t think it ever would.

I felt a touch on my wrist and I instantly thought of Elliot. But when I opened my eyes, Elliot was not the person I was looking at. Staring back at me were eyes like black dahlias.

“Hey, baby. I didn’t think you’d be awake. I missed you . . . I just wanted to see you.”

I found myself smiling as I pulled myself into awareness.

“Hi, Anderson.” I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

It was only two days since I’d seen him last, but two days in a hospital felt like two weeks. I pushed myself into an upright position and stretched. A glance towards the window of my room showed it was pitch black outside. It was the middle of the night, and my body knew it because I was exhausted.

“I told you that I’d come back and see you.”

“I know.” I yawned. “Time passes by so slowly in here. Hours feel like days. How are you?”

I looked at him and was surprised by what I saw. He looked like an entirely different person. His dark circles were gone and so was his scruff, and his tired eyes were no more. His hair was styled, and his clothing was fresh.

“I’m better,” he answered, drawing my attention back to his face. “How are you?”

“You look better.” I smiled. “I’m doing good, slowly getting there. My memories still haven’t returned, and at this point I’m wondering if they ever will. It’s frustrating.”

“It’s frustrating for me, so I can only imagine what it’s like for you,” Anderson said as he reached over and took hold of my wrist. He pressed his fingers against my skin – and when I smiled at him, he returned it.

It struck me as odd that I realised in that moment how attractive he was. I couldn’t help but compare him to Elliot. Elliot’s very essence screamed masculinity, and while Anderson was very much a man, he appeared to be much more tame than wild. I still felt dominance radiating from him though, which I found odd. I’d never liked men who were the “me Tarzan, you Jane” type, but maybe I’d changed my mind . . . or maybe Anderson had changed it for me.

“I’m sorry,” I said to him, hoping he would hear the sincerity in my voice. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorry about this whole situation. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I wish I could remember something about you, about our time together, to give me something to go off – but it’s all blank.”

“Don’t worry, baby.” His hand on my wrist tightened ever so slightly. “We have all the time in the world for you to get to know me again.”

He wasn’t wrong, but I knew that wasn’t something I wanted to explore. I was wholeheartedly in love with Elliot, and I wanted things to go back to the way they were . . . but a part of me also felt responsible for Anderson. I suddenly wished he had never come to visit me. Things were easier to dissect and think about when I wasn’t face-to-face with him. It was simpler to imagine getting on with my life without him in it when I didn’t have to speak to him or see him.

It felt less personal, less like he was a real person.

“Have you spoken to Doctor Abara?” I quizzed.

“Yes,” Anderson said, leaning back in his chair but never taking his hand off my wrist. “I speak to him every evening; he’s kind enough to give me updates on you. Most recently was on the phone earlier tonight. He told me you had an . . . episode.”

I tried to keep my expression neutral, but I couldn’t control the pounding of my heart. I knew Anderson could feel the change in pace of my pulse; his fingers were rested right on my wrist. He looked at my wrist, then back to me with a raised eyebrow. My stomach churned. Had Doctor Abara told him that Elliot and I had kissed? Or that he’d assisted me in the shower? I didn’t know this man from Adam, but I couldn’t control the sense of fear that filled me as I wondered if he’d found out. He would think I’d cheated on him even though, to me, he was still very much a stranger.