Her eyes left his and if possible, her face became even paler. His guts clenched in rejection of whatever was putting that sick look on her face. “Hannah?” he questioned, scared to know the answer.
Her eyes turned awash with tears. “Please, Josh. It really doesn’t matter. I love you. You love me, I know you do, and that’s all that matters.”
Pain constricted around his heart and he knew what was coming. His heart rate shot off into the stratosphere as he felt his entire world crumble around him. A man had to have some pride. If a man didn’t have some pride, what reason was there to even live? He felt as if he wanted to bury himself under a rock, bolt into hiding, and never face what was staring him in the face. He flinched at his own cowardliness and attempted to bring his emotions under control. “Tell me, Hannah.”
She shook her head back and forth. “I love you, Josh.”
“I know you do, baby.” He tried to keep the words gentle, because he knew the look he was piercing her with was anything but.
“Josh—”
“Say it. I already know anyway.”
She took a shaky breath and her lips quivered. “Eventually, later on … I’ll inherit half the land.”
In that moment, when she confirmed his worst fear, Josh knew without a scrap of doubt in his mind that he loved Hannah and only Hannah. He loved her beyond anything in the world and she was all he ever wanted. He knew it because he hated the land. He hated her inheritance. He hated the money. He hated it all with a vengeance. He had a fuzzy vision in his head of how it would be if she came to him with nothing, with only the clothes on her back, if that. He had a vision of how perfect it would be between them and it coalesced into a daydream of taking care of her, providing for her, giving her babies who would complete their family. They’d join together and fight the world together. They’d take care of their family and earn money together and face whatever the world threw at them. Together.
But now he couldn’t have that dream of a normal life. He’d never get the feeling of satisfaction of having earned enough money to give her something that she really wanted. Whatever it might be: a diamond bracelet, a new set of patio furniture, a nice house. Whatever. He’d never know that satisfaction because she’d be able to buy whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it. She was rich beyond his comprehension and he hated it.
She had everything and she needed him for … nothing.
And the knowledge was agony to his soul.
Without thinking about what he was doing, he slid his fingers to the ignition and started the truck. He began to pull away from the washout through a haze of grief. Yeah, that was exactly what he was feeling. Grief. He felt as if he’d just lost something, something that meant more to him than anything.
“What are you doing? Where are we going?”
“Buckle up,” he answered shortly.
“Josh—”
“Buckle up.” The words felt ripped from his throat. He just needed some time alone to come to terms with everything. That’s all. Just some time alone to figure all this shit out.
Chapter Fourteen
When Josh pulled up in front of her house, Hannah was so upset she could barely keep the tears at bay. She’d absolutely known with a sick feeling in her stomach what his reaction was going to be to the money. But the longer she’d waited to tell him, the more it began to feel as if she were lying to him.
He put the truck in park and let the engine idle. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Hannah sat still as she watched him. He wasn’t looking at her; he hadn’t even turned in her direction. He was making no move to walk her up to the door as he always did, or to even kiss her goodnight. He was upset, even though she knew he was trying like hell not to show it. “Tomorrow?” Needing clarification was a new experience for her; they spoke everyday.
“I don’t know. I need some time to think.”
“Think? Think about what?” She couldn’t help that her voice rose in alarm.
He whipped his head toward her. “What the hell do you think I need to think about?”
“There’s nothing to think about. I’m inheriting some money. Big deal.”
“It is a big deal, Hannah. And only someone like you would think that it’s not.” His voice was harsh and angry.
Hannah became mad in return; his comment didn’t make her happy. “Someone like me. What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Just nothing. I’ll talk to you later.”
He was obviously trying to dismiss her, and Hannah didn’t care for it one bit. The last thing she wanted was to go in the house and try to fall sleep, only to toss and turn for hours because she was worried about their relationship. “Are we okay?”
“I don’t know,” he replied succinctly.
Her heart skipped a beat. “You don’t know?”
“I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just a lot to take in, you know?”
“It’s so far in the future it has no bearing on our relationship now, Josh.”
“That’s bullshit, Hannah.”
“Bullshit? How so?”
“You’ve got it easy. You get to go along on your merry way as if nothing has changed. I’ve got to put up with the ridicule from people who think I’m nothing but a fucking freeloader.”
Hannah was so shocked by the anger bleeding through his voice that for a minute she didn’t know how to respond, but then her own anger kicked up another notch. “My merry way?” She glared at him. “Like my life is so perfect that I’ve got people knocking my door down trying to be friends with me, right? The money’s made me so popular. Nobody’s jealous. Nah. I’ve had a great life. Now you’re pissed about it. And there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Poor little rich girl.”
It was only a mumble, but Hannah heard it all the same and it sent a piercing pain through the region of her heart. She took a sharp breath. “You did not just say that.”
Although he stared back at her steadily, he didn’t offer a comment.
Hannah wrapped her fingers around the door handle and prepared to open it. “I knew you wouldn’t like what I had to tell you, but I never expected you’d try to intentionally hurt me.” She popped the door open and when she turned to slide out, Josh reached out and wrapped his hand around her wrist. But still he didn’t say anything. Hannah looked down at the hard brown fingers encircling her flesh and told him, “I’ve never judged you by who your father was. I’ve never let your scars define what kind of a person you are; I’ve always looked past them and focused on the person you are on the inside. Why can’t you look past the mon
ey and just let me be me?”
There were so many emotions showing on his face that Hannah couldn’t define even half of them. She saw despair and it killed her, but she also saw antagonism and temper and it set off the same responses within her.
His fingers tightened on her skin. “The money and the land are tangible, in case you haven’t figured that out yet, Hannah. They aren’t inconsequential objects that can be glanced over or ignored. They’re there. They’re going to stay there, right in front of my face, and I’ve got to figure out if I can deal with it.”
“If?”
“You expect me to lie to you? To tell you that everything’s okay when it’s not?”
“I don’t expect you to lie to me. I don’t expect anything from you,” she spit out. Hannah’s eyes filled with tears and she pulled on her arm until it was free as she realized exactly how upset he was. It alarmed her, worried her, and it pissed her off. He had no right, no right to put her through this. He had no right to let a bunch of damn money get in the way of their relationship. She hadn’t done anything wrong. And he was what? Putting their relationship on hold? Breaking up with her?
“I just need some goddamn time, that’s all.”
“How much time?”
“How am I supposed to know that? You act like this isn’t a big deal. You’re so used to all that money that you just don’t get it.”
More than anything else, fury ran through Hannah’s blood. “Take all the time you need.” She jumped down from the truck and stood facing him with her hand on the door. “I’ll probably still be free when you come back.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Just sayin’. You can’t tell me that you need God knows how much time and that you don’t know if you can get over it and expect me to sit here on my ass waiting around for you forever.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” he roared.
“No! You’re breaking up with me!”
“Bullshit.”
“Fine. I’ll ask you again. Are we okay?”
“I. Don’t. Know. Yet.”