Aristotle was right. Righteousness in anger isn’t in every man’s power. But it’s in mine as I watch my whole heart make their way back to the elevator.
“The rear view is just as good as I remember.”
I don’t turn at his insinuation, forcing myself to stay calm as I lift my hand in response to Lulu’s despondent little wave. I can’t look at her mother though God knows I want to. If I look at her, I might kill him.
The pair step into the elevator and I turn to face him.
“You will stay away from her,” I say, surprised that my voice sounds even. “You will stay away from them both.”
“Why, Car? Are you taking your position as daddy seriously?”
“You know what they say. It takes a bigger man to step up to the plate some other asshole left on the table.”
“Kind of a tasty table though, right?” Anger turns to ash in my veins. He wants me to hurt him. While his fiancée sits in a car idling outside, he wants me to cause a scene. “Come to think of it, that might’ve been where the kid was conceived,” he adds, rubbing his jaw consideringly. “But please tell me her name isn’t Ermintrude, I mean, what the fuck?” He starts to chuckle.
Ignoring his crude suggestions and his goading, I cut to the matter at heart.
“What are your plans?”
“My plans? Why, I’m going to church. I’ll sing a few hymns, praise the word of the Lord, then I’m going to take my fiancée back to our room and maybe fuck her in the ass. What about you?”
I blink. I’m not sure I breathe. Grind my molars so hard I wouldn’t be surprised to find they’d turned to dust.
“Any and all contact will be facilitated through my lawyers.”
“You don’t think I want anything to do with that, do you? Come the fuck on!” He chortles as though this is all one big joke, but he forgets I know him. That pretty surface hides a whole lot of unpleasant.
And the woman I love dated him. One big fucked up coincidence, and that’s a hard pill to swallow.
“You’re going to leave now, if you know what’s good for you.”
“Yeah, sure.” He shrugs as though heeding my words reluctantly. “I’d say it was nice to see you, but . . .”
“You’ve given up lying?”
His responding smile is a little sad, though it’s also one hundred percent artifice. I’m a Hayes, it seems to say.
I turn and stride away, keen to put distance between us, to get back to my girls. But he isn’t finished yet.
“Hey Car?” he calls across the lobby. “What does it feel like to fuck my old pussy?”
“After the first three inches,” I call back without turning, “like new.”
“How is Lulu?” She’s my immediate thought as I close the door behind me. The one true innocent. I don’t have the stomach for breakfast and after being near my brother, I suddenly feel like I need a shower.
“She’s fine.” Fee jumps up from the couch. For a moment, I think she might run to me. But she doesn’t, even if she looks like she wants to as she stands by the window, twisting her fingers together. “She didn’t really understand what was being said, thankfully.”
“I don’t know. That kid is a pretty astute judge of character,” I reply unhappily.
“But she had questions. Lots of them.”
In that, she’s not alone. Fee said the father was an old boyfriend yet . . .
“Where is she?” I ask, shaking away the crowding thoughts.
Fee smiles weekly, wrapping her arms around herself as though trying to keep it together, or maybe hold it all back. “With Rose. I thought it might be better to keep her occupied.”
I nod and stride towards her, pulling her against me and wrapping her in my arms. Because fuck it all, I love her. “That was quite a shock.”
“For you or for me?” she asks, risking a look up into my face.
“How are you doing?” If she notices how I don’t answer, she’s gracious enough not to say. Out of all the men in the world who might’ve been candidates for fathering Lulu, Simon would be the last man on the list. For so many reasons, not least that Fee and Lulu deserve so much better than a man like him.
“Apart from shaking like a leaf, you mean? I’m having difficulty understanding why he had to turn up now.”
My chest moves with an agreeing huff. “I’ve got you.” I’ve got you both. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I don’t see how. My life has suddenly turned into an episode of the Jerry Springer show.”
“Because you had the misfortune to sleep with two brothers?” With two Hayes brothers. I press my lips to her hair and squeeze her tighter. “Or is this one of those I didn’t tell the father episodes.” I try to make my words light, like it means nothing to me, but what she told me before isn’t making sense. But I’m not going to fuck up again. No matter what she tells me, we’ll be okay. We have to be.