It's too hard, keeping this to myself. I want to tell the entire world.
Oliver Flynn is… maybe not my boyfriend. But something.
Handsome, difficult, caring, protective, hot as hell.
Sure enough, Patrick's flirting earns his attention. The second the troublemaking tattoo artist pulls me into his lap, Oliver appears outside.
Like he really did materialize from the ether.
Even in the costume (really just an orange hoodie and jeans now that he took off his wig), he looks stern.
Upset.
About this? Or something else.
Patrick turns to Oliver and raises a brow.
Oliver shoots him a get lost look. "I'm gonna go."
"Now?" I ask.
His eyes flit from me to Patrick. Then back to me. "Yeah. There's too much shit going on."
With Holden and Daisy?
With us?
With the party atmosphere?
Everyone is drinking and cavorting and he's sober. Fuck. I should be holding his hand. Not out here, trying to make him jealous.
"I'll go with you." I rise to my feet. "I'm pretty beat."
"Uh-huh." Dare shakes his head yeah-right. "This might be the worst come-on I've ever seen, but, somehow, it's working." He turns to Patrick. "Or maybe she wants to get away from you that bad."
"Maybe she wants to get away from you that bad," Dare returns.
"Maybe it's 'cause you didn't offer to double-team her." Oliver rolls his eyes. "Get some new material."
"I'll go too," I say it again.
He shakes his head don't. "Stay. I'll see you—"
"I don't want to stay."
"You should." His expression hardens. "That's for the best."
He moves away from the guys. Toward the corner.
I follow him into the side yard. "Ollie…"
"Luna, don't."
"Don't what?" I reach for him. Get his hoodie. "I'm sorry about Patrick. He was flirting. I knew it would annoy you, but—"
"It's not Patrick."
"Then what?" I tug at his hoodie.
"I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?"
His shoulders fall. "I can't."
"You can't?" My fingers close around his wrist. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Luna, don't."
"Don't what? Call you an asshole? Tell you to fuck off? Ask where you get the nerve? You can't? Uh-uh. You can't leave me with such a weak explanation. We talked about this. We agreed. We knew it was fucked up and that we'd have to tell her eventually and we still agreed—"
"I'm sorry."
"No." I hold on to him as tightly as I can. "You don't leave with I'm sorry, I can't. You do better."
He says nothing.
"Oliver. At least look me in the eyes."
He turns to face me. Looks down at me with all this hurt in his eyes. "I wish things were different. I wish I was someone else. Not your best friend's brother. Not an alcoholic fuckup. Not someone unable to reconcile this. But—"
"Ollie, you're not—"
"I need to be someone who deserves you. And I'm not. It's just a matter of time until you figure it out. Why break Daisy's heart in the process?"
"But—"
"I'm sorry, Luna. Really." He slides his hand into his pocket. Takes a step backward.
"You think that matters?"
"No. But this is the best I can do."
I wait for him to explain, to expand, to realize he's being an idiot.
But he doesn't.
He leaves me there in the cold, dark side yard.
Alone with the hurt welling in my chest.
Chapter Forty-Five
Luna
"Luna?" Daisy's voice echoes against the stone wall. She whispers something to someone. Then her footsteps move closer. "Luna." She rushes to me. "What happened?"
I shake my head.
My best friend drops to the ground. Sits next to me. "Did someone—" Her voice drops off. That unthinkable tone. Did someone hurt you?
Not the way she means. I shake my head again.
"Talk to me." She turns to someone. A tall figure cast in shadow, standing at the edge of the backyard. "You're not hurt?"
"Only my heart." My laugh cracks. My throat is sore. Raw.
"You don't have to tell me what happened."
"Good."
"But you do have to move."
"No deal."
She half-smiles. "You're going to stay here all night?"
I nod.
"Aren't you cold?"
I motion to my flannel shirt.
"They're prepared for cold weather in Seattle."
"Exactly."
"I'm not." Daisy motions to her bare legs. "And I'm not going to leave you here."
"Okay."
"I'll have to ask Holden to bring a blanket."
I shake my head.
"How about we go home?"
"I can't go there."
She makes that hmm noise. It's different than Oliver's or Gabe's. But it carries the same implication. I see what's going on here, even if you don't want to admit it. "You can go to Holden's room."
I shake my head.
"The couch."
"Is everyone gone?"
She nods.
"It's not a problem?"
"Is Holden going to be upset I'm hanging out with you instead of fucking his brains out?"
"No. I don't care if he's upset."
She laughs.
"But… if you are…" Finally, I look at her. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"But I… I broke the girl code."
"I know."
"You do?"
She nods. "You always look at Oliver like you want to fuck him—"
"I do not."
She nods you do. "But yesterday… it was different. Like you knew what it was like to fuck him and needed it again."
"What does that look like?"