"You two dressed as each other's favorite musicians."
Fuck, it sounds obvious like that. But I didn't think…
I guess I didn't think.
He just… the way he smiles when I tease him about his love of Nirvana—
It's such a beautiful smile.
Even if he's an awful asshole for leaving me here.
"Holden has had this self—righteous look every time he glanced in Oliver's direction. I asked him about it. And he tried to lie, but… he's not as good at playing coy as he thinks." She offers me her hand. "Come on. Couch. Blanket. Dark chocolate. Coffee."
"Coffee?"
She nods. "Coffee."
I take her hand.
She pulls me up.
I follow her into the house.
It's night and day. No longer party central. Just a quiet remodeled bungalow with an empty couch and a huge TV and a few too many bottles on the counter.
Daisy sits me on the couch. Pulls a blanket over my lap. Whispers something to Holden. "He's going to make coffee."
"Oh no."
She laughs. Sits next to me. Rests her head on my shoulder.
Guilt wells in my chest. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry."
"Are you mad?"
"Not mad… just…"
"Disappointed?" I ask.
She doesn't say, but it's all over her face. "More in him. Especially with…" She motions to Holden.
"But in me too?"
"You could have told me, you know? You could have trusted me to act like an adult. To handle a surprise without breaking."
"I didn't think you'd break."
"Maybe, but I… I love you, Luna. You're my best friend. I'm not mad you slept with Oliver."
"Not at all?"
"No. It's kind of weird. But I can get over that… but you could have told me. I wish you had."
God, it's worse that she's not mad. That she's disappointed. "I'm sorry. It wasn't that it would hurt you. I just… didn't want things to change."
"Me either."
"But they… they already have."
"Yeah."
"It sucks."
"In some ways." She looks to Holden. "But in others…" She half-smiles. "You look more grown-up too."
"The hair?"
"And the clothes. And the makeup. And the way you sit tall."
"I always sit tall."
"Yeah, but you're sitting taller. There's something about you. Like you know how to handle everything the world throws at you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Or maybe it's just the hair." Her laugh is soft. "It is really fierce."
I blink back a tear. "I wish you'd seen it sooner."
"Me too." She rests her head on my shoulder. "I miss you all the time. I'll still miss you. Even if you keep sleeping with my brother, you'll always be my best friend."
"What if I kill him?"
"You can try. But I'm going to kill him first."
Chapter Forty-Six
Oliver
The buzz of my cell interrupts the grunge anthem bouncing around my room.
Holden: You're a fucking idiot.
No argument here.
Oliver: And?
Holden: Is this your idea of making things right?
Oliver: Do you have a point?
Holden: Do you love her?
Oliver: What does that matter?
Holden: Daisy already knows.
Fuck.
Holden: Yeah, dumping her best friend at a party she's attending… not the most subtle move.
Maybe.
Holden: Pretty fucking stupid. Even for you.
Oliver: Learned from the best.
Holden: I'm flipping you off.
Oliver: It's true.
Holden: Okay. I did this first. I'm a disloyal bastard. But now you're a disloyal bastard too. So we're on even ground.
Oliver: Yeah.
Holden: I risked fucking up Daisy's relationship with you. You risked fucking up her relationship with Luna.
Oliver: I get the point.
Holden: You're fucking stupid.
Oliver: I got that already.
Holden: Do you love her?
Oliver: Still don't see how that matters.
Holden: Yes or no?
Why does he want to know?
And what does it matter? This is what makes sense. No matter what anyone else thinks.
Oliver: This is what's best for her.
Holden: Because…
Oliver: Do I have to spell it out for you?
Holden: Yeah. You know I'm barely literate.
I don't want to chuckle, but I do.
Holden: Does it go. I-A-M-A-N-I-D-I-O-T?
Oliver: You got it.
Holden: What? Some bullshit about how you're a fuckup and she deserves better and whatever?
Oliver: Yeah.
Holden: You're probably right.
Oliver: Thanks.
Holden: But shouldn't that be her decision?
Whatever.
Oliver: Is she okay?
Holden: No. You dumped her in the backyard. And she sat there for like three hours. You're an asshole.
Oliver: But she's safe?
Holden: Staying here for the night.
Oliver: Oh.
Holden: Daisy's pissed at you.
Oliver: Really?
Holden: No. It's worse. She's disappointed.
That is worse.
Holden: Get the fuck over yourself, Oliver. I didn't tell you to pull this martyr bullshit. I said if you love her, go for it. You love her. So go for it.
Maybe it's good advice. I don't know.
It's too late.
And I'm too fucking tired.
I lay my cell on the bed. Close my eyes. Try to picture something besides the hurt on her face.
Fail entirety.
I sleep in fits. A few minutes here. Half an hour of listening for the door there.
I'm not sure what I want to hear. Silence. Daisy's light footsteps. Luna's steady ones. Her storming into my room to tell me I'm an asshole.
That she isn't taking my bullshit at face value.
That she isn't going to leave until I do better than I'm sorry.