Hold the Forevers

“I don’t know why I thought this would be different,” he said. Not mad, just resigned. He flipped off the bed and threw his clothes back on.

“Cole, wait … please. It is different.”

“Are we going to be together?”

“You’re in San Francisco!” I said, raising my voice. “I still have a year of school.”

“So, we’re back to waiting to be in the same place again?”

“You’re the one who left!”

“And now, things are different.”

“How? You taught me that long distance was impossible.”

“When we were twenty-two!” he roared. “I don’t know how we could spend all night together, wake up like that,” he said, gesturing to the bed, “and still think that nothing is different.”

“I do. I do think things are different. They’re more complicated. Before, we had distance between us, and now, we have relationships and years,” I said, trying to keep the tears from coming. “I want us, Cole. I want this. But tell me how it works right now because I don’t see it.”

“If you don’t see it, then it doesn’t work.”

He pulled away from me and stormed toward the door.

“Wait,” I said, the tears coming anyway. No matter how I’d tried to stop them. I rushed toward him, catching him at the door. “I don’t want you to leave like this.”

“I don’t want to leave at all, Sunflower.” He brushed the tears off of my cheeks. “You’re even beautiful when you cry.”

“Please,” I whispered.

“Maybe someday, right?” He brushed his lips against mine. “But that decision is yours. I can’t wait for you my entire life. I can’t sit around and hope that you’ll tell him that you choose me. And I won’t be second.”

“You’re not second.”

He met my gaze. Must have seen the sincerity. “Then, I won’t share first place. There are no ties here.”

“I know.”

“I love you, but love isn’t enough.” Then Cole yanked open the door and walked out.

And I let him walk away this time because what else could I do?

It was a tie. And no one could suffer a tie.

The flight home was long and exhausting. I picked up my car at the airport and drove home in a daze. Maddox wasn’t home when I got back. I hadn’t told Ash that I was home yet. Though he had my flight schedule, so he must have known. I wasn’t ready to talk.

I showered instead. A long, steamy shower to wash off the events of last night. Even though I’d already showered at the hotel after Cole left. It didn’t matter. I could still feel him all over me.

When I got out of the shower, I had a dozen missed calls from Ash and frantic messages about whether or not I was dead.

I closed my eyes in pain and then sent him a text back, letting him know I had made it and was on the way to his house. I would rather have an escape plan if I needed it. Having him here would only mean that there was nowhere to go if this went south. Ash was too stubborn to ever leave before we fully had it out. And I didn’t particularly want to run to my mom. How the hell would I even explain this to her?

I threw on jeans and a T-shirt and then headed over to Ash’s. I pulled up in front of the two-story white Colonial. The house he wanted me to live with him in, to have a life together. I’d never been certain. I’d been handy with excuses. Just not the real ones. Today would change that.

Sunny rushed my legs as soon as I opened the door. She attacked me with her unconditional love. I gave her all the pets and hugs and kisses, putting off the inevitable. Then, I went to find Ash.

He was in his office when I arrived. He was still in a suit from church with his parents. We’d started going to make them hate me less. Though Ash had denied that was the reason.

Sunny sank into a bed in his office and promptly passed out. Lucky dog.

“Hey, baby.” He jumped up from his chair and pressed his mouth against mine. “I missed you. How was the conference?”

“It was fine. Trish got me drunk, so I was hungover most of the time.”

He laughed. “Well, at least you had fun, I assume? You were out late.”

“I … yes, I had fun.”

And I could have left it at that.

His eyes were wide with excitement. He really had missed me. I could feel it in his enthusiasm at seeing me. This was the longest we’d been apart in two years. He’d wanted to come to the conference, but work had kept him in Savannah. Oh, how different things would have been if he’d been able to get off work.

“Have you eaten? We could order in, or I could make something,” he offered, heading toward the kitchen.